Category: Top

Political Correctness Takes A Holiday

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

(I am the third customer in line. There’s a woman at the register, then a man dressed in a way that clearly indicates he is a Christian minister. It’s two days before Thanksgiving.)

Cashier: “Thank you and I hope you have a great holiday.”

Customer: “A great holiday? What the f***! It’s Merry CHRISTMAS. I am so tired of this PC bull-s***, you stupid little—”

Minister: “Maybe she was talking about Thanksgiving.”

(The customer turns around snarling.)

Customer: “Shut the fu… uu…”

(She trails off when she notices his outfit. She blushes furiously, gathers her bags, and rushes out. The minister steps up.)

Minister: “Which candy bar is better, the plain chocolate or the almond?”

Cashier: “The almond is good!”

(The minister adds that to his purchases. After he pays, he hands the cashier the candy bar.)

Minister: “I hope you have a fantastic holiday.”

Beat The Clock

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Time, Top

(I work as a clockmaker. I phone a customer while standing at their front door after no response to the door bell:)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I’m here for your service call.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not home. I waited until 4:15 and you never showed up, so I left.”

Me: “You waited until 4:15 today?”

Customer: “Yes. You were supposed to be here at 3 and I waited until 4:15.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but your appointment was set for between 3 and 5, not at 3. Also, it’s only just now 3:20.”

Customer: “What do you mean 3:20?”

Me: “The time. It is currently only 3:20 pm.”

Customer: “When I looked at the clock it said 4:15!”

Me: “By chance, would that be the clock I was coming to fix?”

Customer: “… Yes.”

A Welcome Change

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

(I’ve been a nurse for a long time. There have been a few patients over the years that think nurses are slaves and never say please or thank you.)

Patient: “Turn the TV on.”

Me: *turns TV on*

Patient: “Get me a glass of water!”

Me: *hands him a glass of water*

Patient’s Relative: “Pass the tissues over.”

Me: *passes the box of tissue over to the relative*

(This had been going on all day with never a please or thank you. I have had enough so I say:)

Me: “You’re welcome!”

Patient: “Pardon. What was that?”

Me: *acting surprised* “I said ‘you’re welcome.’ I thought I heard you say ‘thank you.’ My mistake. Sorry.”

(The manners improved substantially after that! I’ve only had to say it three or four times in 30 years, but it’s always worked!)

Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver

| CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Religion, Top

(A former guest calls on phone.)

Guest: “Hello. My son’s basketball team stayed there yesterday and apparently my son left his sneakers and all of his clothes in the room.”

Agent: “Ah, yes. I see a bag here the housekeepers dropped off. You will need to contact a next day mail service, have them send us a pre-paid shipping box, and we will have them sent to you.”

Guest: “WHAT!? I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT!? You should just sent them to me! Everywhere I’ve ever stayed at before sent things to me I that left behind! This is outrageous!”

Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am. This is our hotel’s policy.”

(The guest slams down phone, but calls back five minutes later.)

Guest: “I’m sorry I got so upset. You see, I am a Christian missionary on a charity mission and I have very little disposable funds. Please call your boss and kindly ask him to pay for the shipping and tell him to consider it an act of charity. Thankyougodblessyoujesuspleaseplease.”

(I call the hotel owner, the most frugal man I have ever met and a devout Hindu.)

Owner: “Call her back tell her we will be very happy to drop her son’s clothes off at a nearby homeless shelter and she and Jesus can feel very good about the clothes being given to people more needy than herself. A wonderful act of charity on her part.”

(I tell the guest:)

Guest: “I’ll send the box…”

Calling At All Stations To The 19th Century

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

(I’m working in the deli section of my store part-time and studying computer science at a local university. Tomorrow I have an exam and it’s making it hard to concentrate at work, as the elderly woman I’m serving notices.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young man. I said I wanted the smoked ham, not the honey ham.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. I’m just a little distracted. Smoked ham coming right up.”

Customer: “You really should pay closer attention to your work.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I just have an exam tomorrow and it’s a little hard to concentrate.”

Customer: “You look a little old to still be in high school.”

Me: “I’m not in high school. I’m studying computer science at [University].”

Customer: “[University]? Oh, no, no, no. That won’t do at all.”

Me: *stopping slicing* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, honey, you need to leave that university right away. You’re not smart enough to go to college.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “If you were, you wouldn’t be working here. Besides, God ordained you to be part of the servant class. The purpose of your life is to serve the good people, like me.”

(My jaw is hanging open.)

Customer: “You need to invest yourself totally in your work here. This is what people like you were meant for. You should never try to rise above your station. You’ll make God very angry.”

Me: “…well. I’m just going to step away from my ‘station’ for a moment. [Coworker], could you give me a hand here? I really need to step out.”

(I walked into the cooler, closed the door all the way, and didn’t come back until the customer had gone and I had calmed down.)

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