(My awesome Viking History professor often has Middle Ages-reenactors who attend his class just to listen to him teach. On one occasion, he and five students decide to go to the ‘Steak and Ale’, a restaurant, in armor and long medieval gowns. The server is quite surprised at how they are dressed, and isn’t quite sure how to deal with them.)

Server: “Uh… what would you like to eat?”

(One of the guys in full plate armor takes his armored fist, and slams it down onto the table and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “MEAT!”

(The server jumps.)

Server: *nervously* “H-how do you want it?”

(The armored guy slams his fist down on the table again, and shouts.)

Armored Guy: “COOKED!”

(According to my professor, they somehow avoided getting thrown out of the restaurant!)

(Houston has just gone through Hurricane Ike. Power is out in many areas, but some areas have gotten their power back much sooner than others. We can see a popular burrito place has power, and cooking smoke is coming from its roof. The smell is heavenly, so we go in to order a bunch of burritos for us and our friends. After giving my order of several burritos to the cashier, I add something.)

Me: “Thank you for being open today.”

(The cashier looks at me for a moment.)

Cashier: “Could you just wait a moment?”

(He then brings the owner up to me.)

Cashier: “Repeat what you just said.”

Me: *puzzled* “Thank you for being open today.”

Owner: “I just got shouted at by some woman for not having ice for ice tea—after a major hurricane! These workers came in, even though most of them would rather be with their own families, to help us use these supplies before they spoil.”

(He then taps the cashier.)

Owner: “Their order is free.”

(I’m shopping at a bakery that’s known for making a unique loaf of bread. It usually sells out quickly. Due to the popularity of the item, customers are only allowed one loaf per visit. I’m in the long line when I see there are still some of the special loaves available. By the time I get to the front of the line, I see there’s two left: one for the older woman in front of me, and one for me. There are two cashiers, so I go to the second cashier as the first one helps the older woman.)

Cashier #2: “Hi! Welcome to [bakery]. Will this be all for you today?”

Me: “Actually, can I have one of those [special loaves]?”

Cashier #2: “Oh, sure!”

Older Woman: “What? She can’t have that! It’s mine!”

Cashier #1: “Ma’am, you already have one. We can’t allow you to have another one.”

Older Woman: “It’s not for me! It’s for my daughter!”

(She then points to the woman standing behind me, who looks equally annoyed.)

Cashier #2: “We’re sorry, but we can’t hold this for her. This customer asked for it first.”

Older Woman: “But I was here first! And I’m holding one for my daughter!”

Cashier #1: “Ma’am, we can’t do that. It’s against store policy.”

Older Woman: “Well in that case, I want to return everything! I don’t want to shop here if that’s how you treat your customers!”

(The older woman has purchased a lot of items, and begins to unload her bag onto the counter. At this point, the people in line behind us are getting agitated, and the cashiers are looking distraught. I roll my eyes.)

Me: “You know what? Just give it to the woman behind me.”

Cashier #2: “Are you sure?”

(I nod. The older woman gets a smug look, as she and her daughter leave the bakery with their items.)

Cashier #2: “We’re so sorry that happened, but thank you!”

Me: “It’s no problem. It wasn’t worth the drama.”

(I pay for my original items, and turn to leave when Cashier #1 stops me.)

Cashier #1: “Hold on a second. We just pulled out a fresh batch from the oven. Would you like one?”

Me: “Yes, please!”

(Not only was the bread I had delicious, but it was even fresher than the two the older woman got!)

(I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”

(He runs his card through.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”

Customer: “Ah, okay.”

(The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)

Customer: “…ah.”

Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”

(He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)

Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)

Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”

Son: “Kind of.”

(I have just gotten off of work, and am enjoying my meal as I wait for my ride home to finish their shift. I get a call in the break room from the customer service clerk; he seems a bit flustered.)

Customer Service Clerk: “Are you okay to clock back in for an emergency sale to a hostile customer?”

Me: “I’ll be right up.”

(I put my uniform back on, and clock in. I go to the main desk.)

Customer: “About f****** time someone helped me properly!”

Me: “I’m sorry for any confusion or undue hassle, sir. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “My f****** truck won’t start, and I think it’s the battery. The lights don’t even come on, and I sure as h*** don’t want to be stranded in this f****** place’s parking lot! Get me a new battery!”

(I lead him back towards my department to get the proper car battery for him.)

Me: “Can I ask for the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It is our usual policy to find the exact battery.”

(He gets into more of a huff. We find the right battery and I ask for his info to do up the proper paperwork.)

Customer: “What the h*** do you need all this for, anyway?”

Me: “Well, we just need to make sure we take care of our customers properly. When it comes to vehicle maintenance, we take it seriously, so we don’t end up messing things up and making you have to deal with more trouble.”

(He gets huffy again, but I take down the required info.)

Customer: “Well, that’s over. Oh, wait… d*** it!”

Me: “What’s wrong, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t have any tools to take out the old battery and stuff!”

Me: “Well, hang on for another moment, and I can go get them. Then I will take your old battery out, and replace it with the new one. That way you can get out of here, and back home to do what you planned on doing.”

(He narrows his eyes at me, but nods and waits for me at the desk. I go get the tools, and come back so he can lead me out to his vehicle. I do just as I said I would. I even wish him a good evening after all is said and done. The next day he comes back in. I see him making his way back to my department while I’m still working. He’s smiling somewhat sheepishly.)

Me: “Hello again, sir! Is everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, everything’s great! Heck, the truck runs a bit better now, too. It’s been years since I had to change the battery. I just wanted to apologize for how angry I was last night, and for how I treated you.”

Me: “Well, it’s no big deal, sir. I can imagine you’d had enough hassle form the situation.”

Customer: “Yeah, you got that right. Look, I think you’re an outstanding young man, and I want to thank you for helping me out in a pinch.”

(He shakes my hand, but I notice the feeling of paper also being handed to me in the handshake. I look down in my hand and see a $20 bill.)

Customer: “That’s for dealing with my grumpy old a**. Thanks again!”