(I am a cashier at a drugstore. A man is buying about $60 worth of merchandise.)

Customer: “Can I pay $40 in cash and put the rest on my debit card?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I take his money and give him his new total. He swipes his card and the machine asks him if he wants cash back.)

Customer: “Oh, yes, I DO want cash back!”

(He gets $20 in cash back. I look at the $40 in my hand and slowly hand one of his 20′s back to him.)

Customer: *has a moment of clarity* “Hm, that didn’t make much sense, did it?”

Me: “No, sir, not really.”

(He leaves with his head down in shame, clutching a $20 bill.)

(My father is a dentist, and he is known among his dentist friends for having insane patients. This one really takes the cake, though.)

Dental Office: “Good morning, this is Dr. [name]‘s office. How may I help
you?”

Patient: “Yes, it’s [name]. I’d like to cancel my appointment for today.”

Dental Office: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why you’re canceling?”

Patient: “I have this awful toothache!”

(It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers wont come out.”

Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

(My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

Me: “What happened?!”

Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

(I have a small nose stud. As I’m taking an old man’s tickets, he reaches out and pokes my nose ring.)

Customer: *in a rude, judgmental tone* “So, what’s this for?”

Me: “It’s a signal to the other lesbians.”

Customer: *makes a horrified face and scurries away*

(I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76.  Is there anything else?”

Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

(I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

Me: “But the gift card is worth $50.  Your order is $86.76.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

(In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

Boss: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

(My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

(Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

Customer: *shuts up*

(We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

(I work at a call center. As I’m working, I overhear my coworker talking another call.)

Coworker: “Hi, my name is [name]. I’m calling from [organization]…”

(As usual, I tune her out since it’s just a script and focus on my own call. However, after a few minutes, she hangs up and excitedly speaks to everyone in the room.)

Coworker: “Guys! She used my name!”

Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “She used my name! When she hung up, she said, ‘Have a nice day, [name]‘!”

(To this day, whenever the room’s getting a little down, someone always tells the story of the customer who used her name!)

(Today I am the only teller working at the bank, as the rest of my coworkers have called in sick. A little boy whose head barely peeks over the counter waves his hand with a bag of coins in it.)

Boy: “I want to put this on my savings account! I worked hard! I’m saving money for my girlfriend’s birthday!”

(As it happens the cash counting machine is broken, so I have to count them by hand.)

Me: “All right, let’s see how much you got there!” *starts adding up the pennies*

(The customer behind the boy, an elderly woman, is growing very impatient.)

Woman: “Oh, come on! I’ve got more to do!”

Me: “Just a moment, ma’am.” *continues counting*

Woman: *angry* “Hurry up! My time is valuable!”

Me: *finally finished counting* “That’s $31.75! You can buy her a handsome gift!”

Boy: *smiles* “Yeah, she’ll be happy! Bye!” *rushes outside*

Me: “Bye!” *to the woman* “How can I help you?”

Woman: *confused* “Oh…I forgot…”

Me: “Please step aside, then, so I can help the next customer…”

Woman: *face turns red, mumbles, leaves the bank*