Category: Top

The True Appliance Of Science

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Awesome Customers, Math & Science, Top

(I volunteer at a children’s museum in their dinosaur area, where I work in the lab. We work behind a glass window that we keep open so the kids can ask us questions about the bones we are cleaning.)

Every Kid: *completely ignoring me* “Wow! A real dinosaur bone!”

One Awesome Kid: *staring directly at me* “Wow! A real scientist!”

Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

| AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

(As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “Is it alive?”

Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

Customer: “And they’re not?”

Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

Customer: “Yeah….”

Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

Me: “There you go.”

Completely Taking The Mickey

| Madrid, Spain | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

(A customer approaches me in the counter while I finish ringing up another. I’m sure she has come to the bakery a couple of times, but she’s not exactly a regular.)

Customer: “So nice to see you!”

Me: “Sure, it has been a while since I last saw you.”

Customer: “That’s because I was on a trip, to [Theme Park]”

Me: *smiling politely* “That sounds good.”

Customer: *looking in her purse* “I actually bought you something.”

(She takes a Theme Park Character figurine, putting it in the counter. I stare, confused.)

Me: “Uh, thanks, I guess… So, have you found anything you like around? We just made these new cupcakes.”

Customer: “Of course I saw them.”

(Puts three boxes on the counter, and I proceed to ring them up.)

Me: “Your total is €9.”

Customer: “Oh, no, just with the [Theme Park Character] is fine.”

(I stare confused.)

Customer: “Yes, you see, this thing was €10, so I give you this in exchange. An exchange. That’s fine, right?”

Me: “Oh, I’m truly grateful you thought of us, but we do not accept exchange here. You can either pay with cash or credit card…”

(She shakes her head, and grabs the figure to slam it in the counter. The thing doesn’t seem €10 in the slightest, since it’s about three inches tall.)

Customer: “No! I already told you this covers all the total! And even, you owe me €1!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this. You can keep this [Theme Park Character] and pay with cash or credit card, as I said.”

Customer: “No way!”

(She grabs the cupcake boxes and starts to leave. My yells to call her back are heard by my coworkers, who help me and stop her from leaving. The woman had to be practically dragged away. The Theme Park Character remained on the counter for several hours, until a family comes up to the counter and the figure catches the attention of the son.)

Kid: “I’ve got one like this! It came with my meal at [Famous Burger Chain]!”

Customer Service Is Over(reaction)

| State College, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(In the restaurant I work in we’re allowed to talk back to the customer if they’re being out of line. We’re open late, so a large portion of our customers are well past drunk. This occurs on an otherwise slow Sunday night.)

Me: “Hi, what can i get for you?”

Customer: “I want some chicken tenders and some fries. Do you have something like that?”

Me: “Sure, you can get the combo platter for [price], unless you want a side of sauce. Then it’ll be a bit more.”

Customer: *heavy sigh* “How much is a side of sauce in this f****** dump?”

Me: *instantly irritated because I’ve been nice so far* “Excuse me? Did you just call my store a f****** dump?”

Customer: *stares blankly at me*

Me: “You can leave now.”

Customer: “Why? I was just kidding.”

Me: “It didn’t sound like you were kidding when you insulted my place of business. It also wasn’t even remotely funny, so I don’t know how you could consider that kidding.”

Customer: “But I was just kidding. I really want the food.”

Me: “So you want to insult me, and then have me smile and serve you? No. It’s not gonna happen. You and your friends can leave any time now.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because I don’t appreciate your attitude, and I don’t want to serve you. Did I call you f****** ugly?”

Customer’s Friend: “That’s uncalled for!”

Me: “Why? I was just kidding. That makes everything better, doesn’t it?”

(They ended up leaving, looking confused as to why I was upset. The other customers were laughing at them as they left. I told the owner of the store about it the next day. He just laughed.)

I Am Just A Number

| Bergen, Norway | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Top

(I am out shopping with my 10-year-old sister. I am 23. Another customer, a woman in her 60s, approaches my sister as she is standing by herself for a moment.)

Customer: “Are you the manager here?”

Sister: “No…”

Customer: “What are you, then?”

Sister: “I’m 10…”

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