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    Going Barking Mad

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I am working the customer service counter at a local grocery store.)

    Customer: *puts a bag of dog food on the counter* “I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Certainly. Was there anything wrong with it?”

    Customer: “No. I’m pregnant, and I’m losing my mind. I have a cat.”

    Pay It Forward, Driving Backwards

    , | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Religion, Top

    (I’m working the drive-through at my restaurant. A customer drives up.)

    Customer #1: “Can I have a small [soda], please?”

    Me: “That will be [amount]. Please pull forward.”

    (The customer pulls up to the window and I hand her the drink. She hands me cash to pay for it.)

    Customer #1: “Do you take personal checks?”

    Me: “Uh, yes, we do, but you’ve already paid in cash, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Yes. I want to pay for the next person in line, too.”

    Me: “You want to pay for the next person?”

    Customer #1: “My pastor challenged everyone at my church to perform an act of kindness this week. So I’ll just sign a blank check and you can write in how much the next person’s order costs. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Hang on. I should probably check with my manager.”

    (I explain the customer’s request to the manager, who looks a bit confused, but says we can do that.)

    Me: “The manager says it’s okay, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Great!”

    (She signs a blank check and hands it to me, along with a religious tract.)

    Customer #1: “Could you just let the next person know it’s all taken care of, and please give them that pamphlet, too?”

    Me: “Yes, I certainly will.”

    (She cheerfully drives away, saying ‘bless you.’ A few minutes later, the next customer comes through the drive-through.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can I get a [sandwich combo] with a large [soda]?”

    Me: “[Sandwich combo] with a large [soda]. Yes, sir. Please pull forward.”

    Customer #2: *pulling up to the window* “You didn’t tell me how much it was back there.”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to worry about that, sir. The lady who came through the drive-through before you wrote out a check to take care of the next person’s order. She said she’d pay for it.”

    Customer #2: “What? You’re joking.”

    Me: “I swear.”

    Customer #2: “How could she know how much my order would be?”

    Me: “She left the amount line empty for me to fill in the cost of your order.”

    Customer #2: “Well, s***, son! In that case, give me TWO [sandwich combos], four [sandwiches], four [other sandwiches], another large fries, a 20-piece [chicken nuggets], an apple pie, and a $50 gift certificate!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer #2: “It’s a blank check, right? So just write what I f****** asked for.”

    Me: “Hang on a minute.”

    (My manager has been listening over my shoulder. He gives me a resigned shrug and tells me to do it. With all the items the customer asked for, the total is over $100. As I hand the customer his huge order, I also hand him the religious tract the woman gave me.)

    Me: “She also asked me to give you this pamphlet, sir.”

    Customer #2: *looking at it for two seconds before tossing it into his back seat* “Hah! Joke’s on her! I’m already a Christian!”

    (I can still hear him laughing as he pulls away.)

    The Ugliest Person In The Room

    | Cherry Hill, NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

    (I work at a very well-known, national baby store, with the word ‘baby’ in the name, sitting at a desk in the store. A middle-aged, seemingly trophy wife walks in, with high heels, implants, and platinum hair.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand, like, why they don’t have more pretty people working here? Pretty people make, like, great babies!”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Yeah, they do.”

    Customer: “Why are all the people that work here ugly? How do you people make babies?”

    Me: “I guess… like everyone else?”

    Customer: “That’s gross. They are gross. You are gross. You guys got, like, baby stuff for sale?”

    Manager: *cutting in* “We do, but it’s all for ugly people.”

    Hot On The Scent For Trouble

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have a service dog and request a booth so he can sit or lie underneath without being in anyone’s way. He wears a bright red vest with the proper identification of his use and I also carry an ID card proving his certifications for use. That also means there is a little bit of a wait unless we make reservations to let them know about the dog and table requests. This happens when waiting for a table.)

    Customer: “I didn’t know this was one of those dog friendly places.”

    Waitress: “It’s not.”

    Customer: “Well you’d better tell that girl over there she needs to put her dog in the car. Wait, you’re not allowed to sass customers are you? Don’t worry. I’ll tell her.” *to me* “Hey, you. B**** with the dog!”

    (I’m thinking he sees someone else waiting for a table with their dog but when I look over I see him waving a cane at me.)

    Me: “Me?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m talking to you. Didn’t you hear? You’re not allowed to bring your f****** dog here. You young people think the rules don’t apply to you! Well, let me tell you, sweetie, the rules apply to everyone!”

    Me: “He’s a medical dog which makes him allowed everywhere your cane is allowed. So why don’t you turn around and take your self-righteous a** back to your seat and keep your nose out of business you have no right to be in?”

    Customer: “You respect your elders, missy! I fought a war for you to be able to take that beast in this fine establishment!”

    Me: “I give respect where respect is deserved. You may have fought a war back then but I need this dog because I fought a war so you can keep your freedoms. And as for my beast, he’s better mannered than you are. At least he knows how to act in public.”

    (The customer paled before scurrying back to his seat and the other people in the restaurant applauded me. We were given a booth as far away as the man as possible right away and the manager brought out food and water for my dog as well.)

    Going Totally Off The Wall

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Top

    (I work for a company that builds homes and develops land. As per California law, we warranty our homes for a ten-year period after the house is bought. Our warranty covers structural defects.)

    Me: “Warranty. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, my house has a structural defect. I want you to fix it.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. Could you give me your address? And what exactly is the defect in question?”

    Caller: “My address is [address].”

    Me: “Okay, I see you in our system. Could you tell me the problem, and I will see what I can do about entering a ticket for you.”

    Caller: “The walls are not strong enough. You have to send someone here to put in better walls.”

    Me: “The walls are not strong enough? Are they bowing, or cracking?”

    Caller: “No, the ones that are still standing are fine.”

    Me: “The ones that are… still standing…?”

    Caller: “Yes. I wanted to remodel to make my living room and kitchen one big room, but it was too expensive. I saw a demolition crew do wall removals on those home improvement shows, so I just got a chainsaw and cut the wall out myself.”

    Me: “Okay… so you ‘remodeled?’”

    Caller: “Yeah! But then my house caved in.”

    Me: “… Ma’am, are you saying you cut down a load-bearing wall in your home with a chainsaw?”

    Caller: “Well, I didn’t know it was load-bearing. But this is clearly a structural defect! The roof caved in, and I’ve been living here for 16 years! I could sue you for endangering my life all this time!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it was not a structural defect.”

    Caller: “How can you say that?! THE ROOF CAVED IN!”

    Me: “Because you chopped down a load-bearing wall!”

    Caller: “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT! I DESERVE A BRAND NEW HOUSE! IT WAS A STRUCTURAL DEFECT, AND I HAVE A WARRANTY!”

    Me: “Your house was under warranty for 10 years. Your house is 16 years old. It was structurally sound until you made it structurally unsound, by CUTTING OUT A LOAD-BEARING WALL WITH A CHAINSAW.”

    Caller: “YOU OWE ME A NEW HOUSE! YOU OWE ME A NEW HOUSE! I’LL SUE! I’LL SUE YOU!” *click*


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