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    Category: Top

    When Nomenclature Goes Amok

    | USA | Top

    Tech Support: “All right…now double-click on the File Manager icon.”

    Customer: “That’s why I hate this ‘Windows’–because of the icons–I’m a Protestant, and I don’t believe in icons.”

    Tech Support: “Well, that’s just an industry term sir. I don’t believe it was meant to-”

    Customer: “I don’t care about any ‘industry terms’. I don’t believe in icons.”

    Tech Support: “Well…why don’t you click on the ‘little picture’ of a file cabinet…it’s a ‘little picture’, okay?”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow and Bow

    , | USA | Top

    (Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)

    Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”

    Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”

    (I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)

    Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”

    (I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)

    Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”

    (Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)

    Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*

    Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”

    Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”

    (I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)

    Time To Stuff Someone’s Mailbox w/Flat Lids

    , | California | Top

    Customer, upon receiving her Moolatte: “This has a round lid, can I have a flat lid?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the only lid that fits that cup is a dome lid.”

    Customer: “But I want a flat lid, Starbucks always gets me a flat lid! Why can’t you?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the flat lids we have won’t fit that cup.”

    Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.” *mutters* “Stupid kids…”

    (I go and get my manager)

    Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “This stupid employee of yours won’t give me a flat lid!” *brandishes the drink in his face*

    (My manager takes one of every single lid in the store and puts them in front of her)

    Manager: “Go ahead then.”

    Customer: *proceeds to try and put the lids on the cup, none of which fit* “This is ridiculous! Why don’t you have a flat lid?! Starbucks always has a flat lid!!”

    Manager: “Then go buy your drinks there and leave my employees alone.”

    … And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us

    , | Pasadena, CA | Top

    Customer: “Are you Hispanic?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Middle Eastern?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Egyptian?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “What are you?”

    Me: “Chinese.”

    (customer puts on offended face)

    Customer: “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m being honest.”

    Customer: “NO CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!!!”

    Me: *mouth wide open*

    My, Aren’t We Feeling Ethnocentric Today?

    | Unknown Location | Top

    Travel Store Customer: “Do you have any globes that have the United States bigger? I don’t need all this Africa, I just really want the US and Europe.”

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