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    Category: Top

    Nonsense Be Thy Name

    | Upstate New York, USA | Top

    (Teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)

    Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”

    Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”

    Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”

    Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”

    Client: “Yeah. Like, and can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music too, can you just edit it out?”

    Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”

    Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”

    Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have the [jingle's hook] read in the voiceover.”

    Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”

    Me: *loathes his career choice*

    (Telepathic) Help Wanted

    | Michigan, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

    Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

    Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

    Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

    Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

    Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

    (Customer storms out)

    Why Can’t You Be Omniscient?!

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Customer: “Do other places besides Disney sell Disney tickets?”

    Me: “I believe so, but I only have information about the tickets we sell.”

    Customer: “How much do other places charge?”

    Me: “I don’t have any information on other ticket resellers.”

    Customer: “Is it cheaper if I buy tickets somewhere else?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t know anything about other places, only Disney.”

    Customer: “Will they add the no expiration option for me?”

    Me: “I don’t know.”

    Customer: “Can you give me names and contact information for other ticket places?”

    Me: “Sir, I can only help you if you wish to purchase tickets directly from Disney.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you’re being unhelpful!”

    Note: Still Needs To Discover Fire And The Wheel

    | USA | Top

    (Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)

    Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”

    Customer: “DIP switch?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”

    Customer: “Eeeerrr…there are no switches there.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”

    Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not any more!”

    Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not any more? What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”

    Me: “REMOVED THEM??”

    Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”

    Source

    Genres Are For Weaklings

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”

    Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”

    Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”

    Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)

    Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”

    Customer:JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”

    Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”

    Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*

    Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”

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