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    Category: Top

    Actually, Fido Is A Weapon of Mass Destruction

    | Kentucky | Top

    Click here to view the comic version of this quote!

    Dog Owner: “When my dog pees, he leaves brown patches all over the lawn. Is he peeing fire?”

    Source

    Sure, I’ll Get The Ones That Sing & Dance

    | West Palm Beach, FL | Top

    Seafood Restaurant Customer: (While looking at the lobster tank full of live lobsters) “Do you have any fresh ones?”

    Source

    One Bad Pickup Line, A Hundred Stitches

    , | Pasadena | Top

    Male Customer: “Do you guys accept tips?”

    Female Coworker: “Yeah, but we try to discourage it. We’d like to think our service is free.”

    Male Customer: “Well um… Here’s a tip.” (Customer pulls out his phone number on a piece of paper)

    (Female coworker’s boyfriend is right behind customer)

    Money Talks, Something Else Walks

    , | USA | Top

    Me: “Your cable modem doesn’t work because you split the line to it 30 times for all the other rooms in your house. You have to put it on the first splitter. I’d be happy to rewire it for you.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!”

    Me: “Have you ever heard of cable fraud?”

    Customer: “How much was that again?”

    Source

    Because Insurance Is Such A Scream

    | Las Vegas, NV | Top

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You want your insurance website to look like the Walt Disney World site?”

    Client: “Yes, because [the Walt Disney World site] seems so happy and fun. When people visit our site, they should feel like buying insurance is fun!”

    Me: “Um, okay …… so is there anything else you’d like?”

    (client thinks for a few moments)

    Client: “Rollercoasters! I like rollercoasters!”

    *face palm*


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