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    The Agony And The Ecstasy

    | Virginia, USA | Top

    (I was working for a call center that exclusively dealt with UPS)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Client: “I need to track a package.”

    Me: “I would be happy to help you with that. Do you have a tracking number?”.

    Client: “Yes, I do…” *proceeds to read off the tracking number*

    Me: “I’m sorry, however that’s not coming up as a valid tracking number…there doesn’t appear to be enough numbers. Could you read it to me again?”

    (The client gives me the number again, to no avail. I spend the next few minutes attempting to use what information was available to try and locate the package…with the client coming close to tears when I am unsuccessful. Finally, her boyfriend comes on the line, proceeds to yell at and berate me, using all sorts of expletives; due to my inability to find this package.)

    Client’s boyfriend: “Look, I can’t understand why you cannot locate this package. I mean, I have the tracking number. It says right here, FEDEX TRACKING NUMBER!!!”

    *pause*

    Client’s boyfriend: *sheepishly* “This is UPS, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yep. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    *click*

    Today, All My Questions Shall Be Stupid

    | Somerset, UK | Top

    Customer: “What size is this rug?”

    Me, reading label: “54″ x 72″.”

    Customer: “So how big is that?”

    Me: “In centimetres? It’s…”

    Customer: “No, in inches.”

    Me: “It’s 54 inches x 72 inches.”

    Customer: “OK. And what colour is it?”

    Me: “Lilac.”

    Customer: “Right…and would it look good in my lounge?”

    Me: “I don’t know…I’ve never seen your lounge.”

    Customer: “No, I guess you haven’t. Do you think I have room for it?”

    Me: ?@#!

    Why Super-Sizing Isn’t Always A Good Idea

    | San Diego, CA | Top

    Customer: “I’ll get an espresso.”

    (after receiving the espresso)

    Customer: “I’m not paying $2.50 for this…fill up the cup!”

    Me: “Sir, you will literally die…”

    A Good Time To Excuse Yourself

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Top

    (This conversation between a Returns Employee and a customer was overheard by me and others.)

    Employee: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this.” (Heaves a large propane tank, the kind used for barbecue grills onto the counter.)

    Employee: “Why?”

    Customer: “It’s leaking.”

    (At this point me, 4 managers, the employee, 2 other customers, and 3 other employees all within earshot, slowly turn their heads towards the leaking tank careful not to make any sudden movements.)

    The IQ Is Weak In This One

    | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Congratulations! Because you’ve spent over $30 on our beauty products you can receive a complimentary tote bag. Would you like it in black or brown?”

    Customer: “What’s a tote bag?”

    Me: (holds up bag) “It’s a bag. Rather large…you can put things in it…it comes in black or brown.”

    Customer: “Oh well, that’s nifty isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes it is ma’am. Would you like it in black or brown?”

    Customer: “How much does that cost?”

    Me: “Normally, $14.99 but yours is complimentary because you spent over $30 on beauty products.”

    Customer: “Oh, well I wouldn’t pay $15 on that!”

    Me: “You don’t have to pay for it.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    (Other customers are beginning to become aggravated by this woman’s stupidity so I call up Ashley, another cashier.)

    Me: “…because it’s complimentary.”

    Customer: “Oh, why’d you call up Ashley?”

    Me: “Because the other customers are waiting.”

    Customer: “Waiting for what?”

    Me: “Waiting to pay for their items. Now would you like your free bag or not?”

    Customer: “I don’t like your tone, young lady!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. I’m just a little late for my break. Now, would you like your FREE tote bag?”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s free?”

    (This exchange went on for about ten more minutes, as the woman had to go through about five different cards until she found one she could use…making me fifteen minutes late for my fifteen minute break. Rest assured, she eventually learned the meaning of complimentary.)

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