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    Category: Top

    For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

    | Washington, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”

    Me: (Wasn’t sure if she was serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Umm…take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”

    Honesty Is Always The Best Policy =P

    , | Texas, USA | Top

    Customer 1: “… ah, okay. Thanks for your help.”

    Me: “That’s what I’m here for.”

    Customer 2: “I need help…”

    Me: “… and that is how it’s done.”

    Customer 2: “That was simple. You made me feel dumb.”

    Me: “That’s what I’m here… I mean…” (I didn’t know what to say from there)

    Delusional Hearingitis

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Top

    (We close at 7:00 PM every Sunday; a couple was still shopping in my department at 7:13pm and we already gotten a call from security to tell them pretty much to get out)

    Me: “Ma’am, just to let you know we’re already closed. If you need to buy something please bring it to the counter now.”

    Customer: “Closed? what time do you guys close? It’s only 7:13!”

    Me: “We closed at 7:00.”

    Customer: “Honey, hurry up. They’re about to close. Who’s ever heard of a store that closes at 7:13pm, thats just so weird!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago; we’ve been closing at 7:00 for at least the past 6 years I’ve been here, and there’s nothing weird about that.”

    Customer: “Well I just thought that it would make more sense if you guys closed on an hour. Or at least least have an announcement if you guys are closing at some queer hour.”

    Me: “Ma’am, there were 4 announcements loud and clear before we closed.”

    Customer: “But why would you close a store at 7:13? That’s just queer, are you sure the store is even closed?”

    Me: “Again ma’am, we closed 13 minutes ago at 7:00, and yes I’m sure the store is closed–why would I be lying?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. *her boyfriend comes out of the fitting room* “Honey c’mon, let’s buy this stuff and get out of here. Can you believe they close the store at 7:20? Isn’t that just so weird?”

    Me: “7!! We CLOSED at 7 o’clock!!”

    Someone Needs To Get Out More

    , | Unknown Location | Top

    Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

    Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

    Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Where is it located?”

    Caller: “On his tummy.”

    Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”

    Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

    Me: “That’s his p****.”

    Caller: *hangs up*


    It’s Not My Fault, Even Though It Is

    | USA | Top

    Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if I could return some rotten milk? Or get it replaced, or a refund or something.”

    Me: “Well, when did you buy it?”

    Lady: “A week ago.”

    Me: “Okay, when did it expire?”

    Lady: “Yesterday.”

    Me: “So, you bought it before the expiration date, then it expired. Correct?”

    Lady: “Um, yeah, I guess so…”

    Me: “We can’t return that, then.”

    Lady: “WHAT THE *%!*?! ARE YOU *%!*ING KIDDING ME?!”

    Me: “Are you serious? You bought it before it expired, kept it until AFTER it expired, and now want to return it?”


    Me: “You too, ma’am.”


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