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    Kill Them With Kindness

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”

    Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

    Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

    Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”

    Me: “I’m tech support.”

    Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”

    Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”

    Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

    Me, in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up: “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

    Customer: “WHATS YOUR F**KING NA–” *click*

    (Gotta love that transfer button…)

    Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number

    | Texas, USA | Top

    (Yet another power cord/paint dispenser story…)

    Me: “Okay, it’s not plugged in.”

    Him: “It’s plugged in–it goes right to the back of the computer!”

    Me: “No, that’s a serial cable, not a power cable.”

    Him: “What’s this orange one then?”

    Me: “That connects the computer to the network. It’s also not a power cable and doesn’t connect to the dispenser anyway. The one for the dispenser is black and has a three-prong plug on the end.”

    Him: “Listen to me, young lady, I have been on this earth for 56 years and I know what a power cord looks like!”

    Me: “Yes, well, I’ve been on this earth 34 years and I know that some things have to be plugged into an outlet to work.”

    Him:

    Me:

    Him: “Oh. There it is. Okay, it’s working now. Thanks.”

    Playing Along

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

    Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”

    Me: “Errr…no.”

    Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”

    Me: “Oh! Yes.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

    All Scrooged Up

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Top

    (My boss is a realtor; she has sign toppers for various occasions. This one happened to be for the Christmas season: “Home for the Holidays”.)

    Customer: “I’m calling about the ‘Home for the Holidays’ house.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s the address?”

    (She reads it to me.)

    Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “When can I move in?”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry–do you mean you want to write an offer for the house?”

    Customer: “No, it says ‘Home for the Holidays.’ I want to move in before Christmas.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We’re not giving the house away, we’re selling it.”

    Customer: “Well I can’t afford a house!” *click*

    When Religions Collide

    | Florence, KY, USA | Top

    (This is after we’re all done with our transaction. I’m half-Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah, which was currently going on.)

    Me: “Have a great day, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

    Me, completely sincere: “And Happy Hanukkah to you!”

    Customer: *flails her arms and screams happily* “No it’s about Jesus! It’s Jesus’s birthday! You have to worship Jesus! It’s all about Jesus! Love Jesus!”

    Related:
    When Generations Collide

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