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    This Is What Hell Is Like

    | USA | Top

    (I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.)

    Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

    Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

    Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”

    Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”


    Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

    Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”

    Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”

    Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”

    Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Tech Support: “Now we have to start over.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.”

    Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?”

    Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.”

    Customer: “Ok.”

    (I spend the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer.)

    Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.”


    Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

    (And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled “BANG HEAD HERE.”)


    Military Intelligence

    | MCAS Miramar, San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Okay sir, can you hear me?”

    Pilot: “Loud and clear. Okay, I have a problem with my radar…it won’t test and nothing is coming up in the O-F-F position.”

    Me: “Well, sir, turn it to the O-N position and let me know how things work out.”

    On The Futility Of Signs

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | Top

    (One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)

    Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”

    Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”

    Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”

    Must Be A Vegan

    | Palm Coast, FL, USA | Top

    (I was working at a Subway about a year ago)

    Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Let me see.” *looks at the menu* “A sub.”

    Me: “What kind of sub do you want, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want provolone cheese?”

    Me: “What kind of meat would you like?”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “What kind of meat?”

    Customer: *agitated* “Are you being rude?”

    *storms out and stands in front of the store for a few minutes telling people not to come in because of a rude employee*

    Sure, We Have A Cow Out Back (Part 2)

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “Um…yes, are you guys going to put out more skim milk?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we’re all out of white milk, both skim and 2%. All we have left is chocolate.”

    Customer: “Completely out?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we’re completely out.”

    Customer: “Oh, well. Do you think you could make some more?”

    Me: “Are you serious?!”

    Related: No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

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