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    Category: Top

    Perhaps A Little Bit Too Free

    | Ventura, CA, USA | Top

    (Woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”

    Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”

    Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”

    Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*

    (I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself, because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)

    How A DS RPG Killed The ESRB

    , | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (Customer brings a mediocre role playing game for the Nintendo DS up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Hey, would this game be good for an eight year old?”

    Me: “Well, does he like RPGs?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t let him watch anything rated R.”

    Me: “Oh…I mean, does he like role playing games?”

    Customer: “Whats that? That like one of them Mario games?”

    Me: “No, it’s one where you follow a story line and usually has a lot of reading, like Final Fantasy. Has he ever played anything like that before?”

    Customer: “Oh, he don’t read books. And I don’t like that it’s rated R and PG.”

    Kill Them With Kindness

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”

    Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

    Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

    Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

    Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”

    Me: “I’m tech support.”

    Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”

    Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”

    Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

    Me, in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up: “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

    Customer: “WHATS YOUR F**KING NA–” *click*

    (Gotta love that transfer button…)

    Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number

    | Texas, USA | Top

    (Yet another power cord/paint dispenser story…)

    Me: “Okay, it’s not plugged in.”

    Him: “It’s plugged in–it goes right to the back of the computer!”

    Me: “No, that’s a serial cable, not a power cable.”

    Him: “What’s this orange one then?”

    Me: “That connects the computer to the network. It’s also not a power cable and doesn’t connect to the dispenser anyway. The one for the dispenser is black and has a three-prong plug on the end.”

    Him: “Listen to me, young lady, I have been on this earth for 56 years and I know what a power cord looks like!”

    Me: “Yes, well, I’ve been on this earth 34 years and I know that some things have to be plugged into an outlet to work.”

    Him:

    Me:

    Him: “Oh. There it is. Okay, it’s working now. Thanks.”

    Playing Along

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

    Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”

    Me: “Errr…no.”

    Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”

    Me: “Oh! Yes.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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