November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Top

The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

, | Belgium | Top

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

Customer: “Yeah that!”

Customer: *realizes what she said* “OH!”

Oh, How The Truth Doth Sting

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

(As a result of the US/Canadian currency parity, a lot of customers have been angry that they have to pay the Canadian price instead of the cheaper US price.)

Customer: “Which price do I have to pay: the American or Canadian?”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to pay the Canadian price.”

Customer: *angrily* “Why?”

Coworker: “Quite simply, we buy from Canadian publishers with Canadian money. Also, that book was bought before the price parity, therefore, to sell at the American price would mean that we would not be making any money.”

Customer: “Well, I want you to explain to my 7 year old daughter why she’s not getting this book for Christmas.”

Me: “…because her dad is a cheapskate?”

Caught Red-Handed

| Colorado, USA | Top

Guest: “I’d like to return this toaster.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, do you have a receipt for the purchase dated within 90 days?”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “Okay, well you can’t return it then. However, if you have an ID you can exchange it for an item of equal or lesser value from the same department.”

Guest: “But I don’t want to exchange it. I want my money.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry but if you don’t have a receipt, you can’t return the item.”

Guest: “[Other store name] would take it back!”

Another guest in line: “Excuse me, I work there and, no we wouldn’t!”

One Slice Short Of A Pizza

, | Idaho, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

Customer: “I need 6 frozen pizzas as big as tires!”

Me: “I don’t think we sell pizza that big, sir…”

Customer: “Oh come on! I’ve got two flats and only one spare and I don’t wanna call a tow-truck!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work…”

Customer: “Fine! Be ridiculous! I’m going somewhere else! If Tom Slick could do it, why can’t I?”

Manager: “Holy crap! Sometimes I swear these idiots do these things on purpose!”

I Goes To Skool

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

(A girl in her late teens approaches me holding a t-shirt, turning it over in her hands, apparently searching for defects or blemishes in the material.)

Customer: “Do you have any of these that are new?”

Me: “I’m sorry? They’re all new.”

Customer: “No, this one is used. I want a new one.”

(I take the shirt and inspect it, finding it to be in perfect order.)

Me: “It looks perfectly fine to me. I unpacked these from today’s shipment an hour ago. We have multiples of each size if you’d like me to help you find another one.”

Customer: “I checked them all. They’re all used, see…”

(She snatches the shirt and points at the tag which reads, under the bar code, “USD $14.99”.)

Me: “That’s the currency. United States Dollars.”

Customer, becoming irate: “I can f**king see that. Fifteen dollars for a used shirt is f**king insane.”

Me: “No. U-S-D. United States Dollars. We don’t sell used clothing.”

Customer: “What are you, a f**king idiot? It says you do, right on the d**n tag.”

Me: “My mistake. Here, I’ll take that and make sure it gets thrown away.”

(I take the shirt and begin walking to the stock room.)

Customer: “Can I just have it? You’re going to throw it out anyway.”

Me: “Sorry, no. There’s an IQ requirement.”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “It’s an acronym thing. Don’t worry about it.”

Customer: “You’re a f**king a**hole!”

(She storms out.)