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    Category: Top

    BA BA BEE DA DUM DUM BAAA!

    | USA | Top

    Customer: “Yeah, my son really likes this one band that has a really popular song out right now.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know the name of their album, their band name, or the name of the song but the tune is like this: ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa.’”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: *not very happy with me* “Do you have any clue what I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we can’t really look up ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa’ in our computer.”

    Customer: “Don’t be a smart a** with me, missy.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, I’m not trying to be a smart a**, I’m just saying there isn’t really any way I can help you unless you have some information I can look up.”

    Customer: *yelling* “NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER BEEN TREATED SO DISRESPECTFULLY AT SOME BULLS*** BOOK STORE! EVERY TIME I COME HERE YOU AND YOUR CO-WORKERS ACT AS IF IT’S SUCH A CHORE TO HELP CUSTOMERS!”

    Me: *trying really hard not to laugh* “Would you like me to call my manager?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    (I page my manager, which we have several but I lucked out and got the good one)

    Rad manager: *irritated because she was busy* “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes, the…”

    Rad manager: “No, I wasn’t talking to you.”

    Customer: “Well!”

    Me: “She wants me to look up a song using only the tune.”

    Rad manager: *laughs*

    Customer: *again, yelling* “IS IT SO HARD TO ASK FOR A LITTLE HELP OR DO YOU NOT OFFER THAT FOR FREE? ALL I NEED FROM YOU IS THE BAND NAME THAT SINGS THAT ONE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS, ‘BA BA BEE DA DUM DUM BAAA’! IT ISN’T THAT HARD TO FIGURE IT OUT!”

    Me: “So go home and figure it out and give us a call.”

    Customer: “I will never shop here again! I’m taking my business to Barnes & Noble!”

    Rad manager and I: “Okay. Bye.”

    Source

    The Problem With Analogies

    | Eureka, CA, USA | Top

    (A customer wanders down the paint aisle I’m working on and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)

    Me: “Brand A is just a bit thicker than Brand B. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”

    Customer: “What do you mean ‘thicker’?”

    Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like Brand A is thicker than Brand B.”

    Customer: “Brand A is cake batter?”

    (It goes on like this for awhile. I ended up leaving him there to contemplate)

    Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    Me: “So, what can I get you?”

    Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*

    Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”

    Hobo: “I want some toast!”

    Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”

    Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want…french toast.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Hobo: “I want some french toast. How much does that cost?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have french toast.”

    Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

    Me: “Um…toast?”

    Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”

    Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”

    Overlord PX53A-Z Is Not Pleased

    | West Virginia, USA | Top

    (A woman gets frustrated after I switch out for a co-worker to go on break on Black Friday)

    Woman Customer: “Ugh! That is so frustrating! Why didn’t she wait to leave until I was finished?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she’s been here since 3:45 this morning, and she needed a break. Plus, we’re not robots.”

    Woman Customer: “Good. I hate robots.”

    Nonsense Be Thy Name

    | Upstate New York, USA | Top

    (Teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)

    Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”

    Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”

    Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”

    Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”

    Client: “Yeah. Like, and can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music too, can you just edit it out?”

    Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”

    Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”

    Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have the [jingle's hook] read in the voiceover.”

    Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”

    Me: *loathes his career choice*


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