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    Fighting Crazy With Crazy

    | Texas, USA | Top

    (Keep in mind that I’m male with a deep voice. We do not send techs to troubleshoot; troubleshooting has to be done on the phone, then we send a tech to replace parts.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***. How may I–”

    Customer: “Send me a tech to fix my computer.”

    Me: “Well, what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s not working!”

    Me: “Well, ok, but in order to get it working again, I would need to know what exactly is wrong.”

    Customer: “I just told you it’s not working. Send me a tech to fix it!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. I can help you perform some troubleshooting and–”

    Customer: “Why the f**k can’t you just send me a tech?”

    Me: “Well, like I said, I can’t do that. All I can do is troubleshoot with you on the phone to find out what’s wrong and then–”

    Customer: “WELL THAT’S GREAT, A**HOLE! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! SEND ME A TECH, NOW!”

    Me, fake crying: “Why? Why do you hate me so much? Don’t you know how hard it is for a single mom with 5 kids to make a living?” *sob*

    Customer: “???” *hangs up*

    (I got written up for that. It was totally worth it though!)

    Customer To The Rescue

    | Boone, IA, USA | Top

    (I was currently working in the electronics section of a discount super store, who’s favorite color use to be blue, when I was approached by a customer, which was surprising since the state was being hit by a significantly large ice storm.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to pick up my pictures.”

    Me: “Hmm…it seems they aren’t in yet, when did you send them out?”

    Customer: *very angry* “They were supposed to be in today!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the lab where they are processed is hours away and its too dangerous for the drivers to be out on the roads today.”

    Customer: “Well I made it, how come they can’t?”

    Me: “Sir, you live on the street behind the building, which is a much shorter and safer distance compared to the over 120 miles the driver would have to drive, especially on roads that not even emergency vehicles won’t go onto.”

    Customer: “I was told my pictures were going to be back today, and I want them today!”

    (I’m about to apologize to the man but am beaten to the punch by the customer behind him…)

    Customer #2: “Yeah! You guys should have dog sleds on the side just in case.”

    Original Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous!”

    Customer #2: *in a very apologetic tone* “I’m sorry, I thought it was my turn to make insane demands.”

    Original Customer: *storms off talking to the air about how rude people are*

    Customer #2: “That was fun!” *walks away*

    (Unfortunately, I never got to thank that second customer. Wherever you are Customer #2, thank you.)

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    Stupidity Is The Mother of Repetition

    | Lexington, MA, USA | Top

    (There is a huge line of customers waiting on their drinks. An impatient customer who just placed his order assumes the next drink is his and takes it, after I call someone else’s name.)

    Customer: “This isn’t hot chocolate.”

    Me: “That’s because you grabbed someone else’s drink.”

    Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate!”

    Me: “There are nine people in front of you waiting for drinks. You grabbed the wrong drink.”

    Customer: “But it isn’t hot chocolate.”

    (I look at the order screen for the name on the drink he took.)

    Me: “Is your name ***?”

    Customer: “No, and this isn’t hot chocolate!”

    Me: “That’s because you took ****’s drink!”

    Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

    Me: “Hand me the drink and I will remake the person who’s drink you took. I’ll make your hot chocolate, but it will take a few minutes!!”

    (Customer hands the drink back to me.)

    Customer: “It’s not hot chocolate!”

    Math-uh-matics

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Top

    (We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

    Lady: “That’s not right.”

    Me: “What isn’t?”

    Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

    Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

    Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

    Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

    Lady, growing fidgety: “But that’s not what the COUPON says.”

    Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

    Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [drugstore chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

    Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back, I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

    Me: *head-desk*

    Related:
    This Is Why Math Is Your Friend

    Alls Well That Ends Well In Roswell

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

    (I worked at a sign making company in Vancouver–AKA Hollywood North–that did a lot of work for locally produced sci-fi TV shows like The X-Files. We did a lot of signage that said things like “FBI Headquarters” that they would use to make a local library look like some kind of secret government research facility.)

    Movie Set B*tch: “OMG! We need a TEAK sign that says FBI headquarters down here at the set in three hours.”

    (Note: This job normally takes one person several days to complete with staining and whatnot.)

    Me: “Okay. We can do it but we’re going to have to charge you triple for a rush job.”

    MSB: “No problem. Just have it down here in three hours. I don’t care how much it costs.”

    Me: “Just to confirm. You want it stained to look like teak, yes?”

    MSB: “Yes. Please hurry!”

    (We get the sign done in 2.5 hours but we’re literally applying the last coat of stain to it while we drive to the studio to make sure it looks good when we get there.)

    (MSB Looks at the sign and throws a fit.)

    MSB: “I SAID TEAK! TEAK! TEAK! TEAK!”

    (I look around. The whole set is done in mahogany. Very different colour of wood, if you’re not familiar.)

    Me: *points at the mahogany set* “Do you mean this colour?”

    MSB: “YES! TEAK!”

    Me: “That’s mahogany”.

    MSB: “F*CK YOU, YOU LITTLE SH*T. YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS IF IT PUTS US OFF SCHEDULE!”

    (MSB storms off to find the director. The director comes around, looking pissed.)

    Director: “What’s the problem?”

    (MSB tells him how stupid we are and that she specifically asked for teak. The director looks at the set and at our sign.)

    Director, to MSB: “God d*mnit, you’re dumb! The set is mahogany. You were supposed to order mahogany signs!”

    MSB: *looks like she’s going to barf*

    (The director apologized to us and asked us how fast we could re-make the sign. We told him 2 hours but it was going to cost them.)

    (On the bright side, we got to have lunch with Scully and Mulder.)

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