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    Category: Top

    Urine Way Over Your Head

    | Durham, NC, USA | Top

    (I was in the ladies room during a shift, wearing a skirt. This is key.)

    Woman, in stall next to mine: “You’re not wearing any pants!”

    (I ignore her, thinking she’s on the phone.)

    Woman: *starts banging on the wall between us* “You’re not wearing any pants!”

    Me: “…I’m…sorry?”

    Woman: “You! You’re not wearing any pants!” *bangs some more*

    Me: “And you know this how?”

    Woman: “I can see your legs! They’re bare! You’re not wearing any pants!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m wearing a *skirt*.”

    (The woman stops banging on the wall, and is completely silent. I never got to know what she thought of a woman wearing a skirt.)

    Thank You, Dr. Frankenstein

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Top

    (I was helping a regular customer who had wandered in–as he did daily–from the nursing home across the street.)

    Old Man: “You’re working again?”

    Me: “Yes, every day.”

    Old Man: “You know what? Every time I see you, there’s a big smile on your face.”

    Me: “What can I say, I love my job.”

    Old Man: “Yes, you have a wonderful smile. You’ll make a good looking corpse.”

    Me: “…”

    (He got a wide berth after that.)

    Time To Moooove To Another Cowllege

    | Missouri | Top

    (For three years, my job was to deal with angry parents. I was very good at it. Most of the time.)

    Parent: *angrily* “I need to speak to someone about my daughter’s roommates!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

    Parent: “Her roommates are awful to her! ”

    Me: “Okay. Can you detail the problems for me? The more specific you can be, the better we can help your daughter and her roommates settle their problems.”

    Parent: “They curse, and they play loud music, and they’re, well, they’re just not *like* us.”

    Me: “In what way are they not *like* you, ma’am?”

    Parent: “Well, they’re…farm people.”

    (Twenty seconds of absolute silence as I am, for once, thrown off my game. I’ve heard racial B.S. and religious B.S., but never *farm* B.S.)

    Parent: “Not that there’s anything wrong with farm people. It’s just that we’re not farm people.”

    (I’m still in shock. She keeps going.)

    Parent: I mean, farms are useful, but we’re from the city. My daughter grew up going to the theater and to museums.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you, as a kid from a farm myself, I’ve been to the theater and to museums. What we probably have here is a personality clash.”

    (There’s about a 10 second pause that just drips with uncomfortable.)

    Parent: “Perhaps I should speak to someone else.”

    Kids Say The Truthiest Things

    , | Belgium | Top

    (Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

    Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

    Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

    Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

    Kid: “What, mommy?”

    Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

    Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

    Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

    Mom: “…”

    Santa: *puts bag back*

    The Land Of Maple Leafed Savages

    | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. My name is ***, how can I help you?

    Customer: *distinct southern accent* “Where am I calling?”

    Me: “*** technical support. Are you having trouble with your internet, sir?”

    Customer: “I know that. I mean, what part of the world?”

    Me: “I’m in Canada, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Canada?! You have internet up in Canada?”

    Me, sarcastically: “Nope…just got radio, in fact I had to drive my dog sled into work. There was a horrible accident and I lost two dogs. It’s been a rough day.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, I want technical support from a country who actually has it.” *click*

    Supervisor monitoring calls: “You can’t be serious.”

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