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    Category: Top

    Send In The Clowns

    | New York, USA | Top

    (Almost thirty kids are lined up at the velcro wall waiting to ride. We have about five minutes until out troupe leaves.)

    Some Mother: “I want my son to ride this ride.”

    Me: “Ma’am I don’t think there’s enough time for all these kids to–”

    Some Mother: “I don’t care if he’s the last one. I want him to ride this ride.”

    Me: “This ride is going to shut down in about five minutes. There isn’t enough time for–”

    Some Mother: “He can be the last in line then.”

    Me: “He can wait in line but probably won’t be able to–”

    Some Mother: “Fine.”

    (Mother walks away and returns some time after the ride is shut down and all kids are turned away.)

    Some Mother: “Hey! HEY! I thought we agreed that my child would get on the ride.”

    Me: “That’s not what we agreed to.”

    Some Mother: “Well, put the ride back up so he can ride it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but we can’t do all that for one child.”

    Some Mother: “Why not?! Your just being f**king stubborn.”

    Me: “If you have any complaints you can speak to the clown over there. Have a nice day.”

    Some Mother: “I don’t want to talk to any d**n clown.”

    Me: “That clown is my boss.”

    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli) …

    | Iowa, USA | Top

    (Keep in mind, this is a kosher deli.)

    Customer: “Can I get a ham sandwich, please?”

    Me: “Well, sir, we don’t serve ham.”

    Customer: “No ham? What do you have then?”

    Me: “Well, we have turkey, roast beef, corned beef, and pastrami…”

    Customer: “But no ham?”

    Me: “No, sir, no ham.”

    Customer: “What? Do you have a thing against ham or something?”

    Me: “Actually…yes, we do.”

    How Cows Order Coffee

    | Florida, USA | Top

    Me: “Good morning, how can I help you?”

    Woman: “Yeah, a small coffee with 2 splendas and extra milk.”

    Me: “Okay, that will be $1.49.”

    (She pays and I give her the change. I proceed to make the drink. I pressed the “Medium” button for milk and then gave an extra shot. When I gave it to her, she took a sip and made a face as if she had just taken a sip of liquefied dog s**t.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Woman: “I asked for extra milk! This is too strong.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll put some more in for you. No problem.”

    Woman, muttering under her breath: “Idiot kid…”

    (I put another “Medium” shot in. This is two mediums and one extra shot for a total of seven milks.)

    (She takes another sip, with the same face.)

    Woman: “What part of extra milk do you not understand?”

    Me: “I understand what extra milk means. I put in about four times the regular amount of milk.”

    Woman: “Well, put more!”

    (I put in more. I put a “Large” shot of milk (four more). This brings our total to 11 milks, therefore being classified as milk with a little coffee.)

    Me: “Here.”

    (She takes another sip, and yes. Again, she makes that freaking face.)

    Woman: “Look. Extra milk means you put in the regular amount, and then you put in MORE.”

    Me: “I know that! That is a SMALL coffee with 11 MILKS!”

    Woman: “PUT IN MORE!”

    (I put in more another “Medium” shot (three more)).

    Me: “Here. The coffee is almost white now.”

    (She drinks it again and SPITS IT ALL OVER THE COUNTER.)

    Me: “Lady, what’s your problem?”

    Woman: “This coffee is cold! I ordered a hot coffee, not a cold coffee! Can you comprehend that?”

    Me: “F**k this. Who’s next?”

    (My shift leader was laughing in the corner the whole time. She remade this lady’s drink with one large shot of milk and gave it to her. She sipped it…”Ah, now that’s better!”)

    (Everyone in line had a pretty good laugh about it.)

    The Bald Truth

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (Some customers at our restaurant try to get a free meal by placing some hair in their food and then blaming the chef and refusing to pay for the meal.)

    Customer: “Waiter!”

    Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “There’s a hair in my food.”

    Me: “That isn’t possible, unless it was your hair.”

    Customer: “It isn’t!”

    Me: “Who else’s hair could it be?”

    Customer: “Your chef’s.”

    (I walk into the kitchen and return to the table with our chef.)

    Me: “Take off your chef’s hat.”

    (Chef takes off his hat, he is revealed to be bald.)

    Chef, to the customer: “You were saying something about my hair being in your food?”

    Ask And Ye Shall Receive

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    (December 24th, last day for Christmas shopping.)

    Customer: “Do you have a Nintendo Wii?”

    Me: “No sir, unfortunately we are all sold out.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It’s just pretty much the top holiday item, sir, and we have been selling out of the Wiis non-stop since last November.”

    Customer: “When do you get them in?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Not until after February, probably.”

    Customer: “D**n it! I have kids you know! Show some sympathy!”

    Me: “So do probably 70 of the 100 people in line behind you, sir. Now is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “What if I slip you a $20?”

    Me: “What about, no.”

    Customer thinking I’m stupid: “Well, sell me the box you have right there up on the corner of your shelf, you liar!”

    Me: “I can’t sell it to you, but I guess I could give it to you for free if it makes you feel better. There’s nothing in there by the way…”

    (Customer apparently completely ignores that last line.)


    (Crowd stands with death glares fixated on me and the guy.)

    Me: *hands him the box* “Merry Christmas…next person, please.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F***! GOD D**N S**T! There’s nothing in this d**n box!”

    Customer behind him: “That’s because he said that was just a display box. He gave it to you just so you could be happy and you accepted it, moron!”

    (Crowd of customers returns to holiday mode.)

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