Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
    (3,203 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Top

    Chocolate 1, Self Control 0

    | New Jersey, USA | Top

    Me: “We’ve got a special offer on chocolate at the moment, if you’re interested at all?”

    Customer: “Chocolate?! You know what? I will have some. I hope you’re happy. I mean, honestly…why do you think I have a weight problem, let alone the rest of the world?”

    Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you had to buy it…”

    Customer: “Well no, you didn’t, but I’m not going to turn down a special offer, am I?”

    Me: “Would you like me to offer you a health bar instead?”

    Customer: “No, I’ll take two chocolate bars.”

    Teenage Boys And Smutty Mags? You Don’t Say!

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Family & Kids, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    Angry Old Woman: “Excuse me! I am very upset because you sold my young grandson pornography!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t sell pornography.”

    Angry Old Woman: “Get me the manager now!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Angry Old Woman: “Your pervert cashier sold my grandson pornography!”

    Manager: “Are you sure about that? We don’t sell anything like that here.”

    Angry Old Woman: “Do you think I’m stupid? I saw it with my own eyes! It had naked women and he told me he bought it here with no problem!”

    Manager: “Could you show me on the shelf what it was?”

    (She goes over to the magazines, and points at Maxim.)

    Angry Old Woman: “It was this one! See right here! Where any child could see!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this magazine is not pornography. Granted, the women are scantily clad in a few pictures but they aren’t naked and there is no age restriction on its sale.”

    Angry Old Woman: “I know pornography when I see it, and this is very offensive. How could you sell it to young children?”

    Manager: “Well, actually our store policy dictates that we won’t sell this to a young child even though it is still legal. How old is your grandson?”

    Angry Old Woman: “He’s only sixteen!”

    Manager: *rolls eyes* “I don’t want to offend your moral beliefs, Ma’am, but if your sixteen year old grandson wants to look at women in bikinis there is no force on earth that is going to stop it, seriously.”

    Angry Old Woman: “The power of Jesus can stop it! The power of Christ should compel you to remove this magazine from your shelves!”

    Manager: “Right…real quick, ma’am, before I get back to work, can I ask you a question? Does your grandson have internet access?”

    Angry Old Woman: “What does that have to do with anything?”

    Manager: “A lot, and I think that the power of Christ should compel you to learn how to look up his browser history. Have a good day.”

    The War Of 1812 Redux

    | Winnipeg, Canada | Top

    (I’ve just finished setting up this individual’s service call to get a technician out to his house. I flub a few words, because it’s 2 in the morning.)

    Me: “So the technician will be out sometime between 8 and 6 pm next Tuesday, then.”

    Customer: “Is this call center located in The United States of America?”

    Me: “Actually, we’re outsourced. I’m in Canada.”

    Customer: “BECAUSE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 6 COMES BEFORE 8 YOU STUPID F**K. BE HAPPY THAT I DON’T DISCONNECT MY SERVICE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU G***D**N FOREIGNER!”

    Me: “…thank you for calling, have a great day!”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    At Least She Giggled

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I can’t find my valet ticket…”

    Me: “No problem, what’s on your key-chain? Anything specific?”

    Customer: “Keys! With a round thing on it!”

    (No luck, and with customers backing up behind her, I let her look for her own set while I attend to other customers.)

    Customer: “They’re not here! Did you lose my keys? He lost my keys!”

    (I suggest she look again for her claim check, and go back to other customers.)

    Customer: “I don’t see what the problem is, my car is RIGHT THERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is it at all possible that you parked your car and you have your keys?”

    (She digs in her purse, giggles, and runs off to her car.)

    Night Vision Might Be Good Too

    , | San Diego, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

    Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

    Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

    Guy to girl: “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

    Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

    Guy to me: “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her *points to girlfriend*, which would you choose?”

    Me: “Well…this one has a built in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

    (The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with girlfriend.)

    Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

    Me: “More than you would think.”

    Page 323/357First...321322323324325...Last