Category: Top

The Not-So-Difficult Art Of Misdirection

| Canada | Top

Me: “Hello, ****** Fencing Club.”

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club… you know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.”

Customer: “Oh… you see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?”

Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences, we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabres.”

Customer: “Oh, okay… it needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

Me: “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.”

Customer: “Oh, I see… you see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

Me: *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Try the Soccer Centre.”

Customer: “The Soccer Centre?”

Me: “Yeah, the Soccer Centre.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

The Customer Is Not Always Happy

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Top

Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s**t.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

Customer: *stalks off*

I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

| Boston, MA, USA | Top

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”

It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

, | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”

Me: “Here ya go.”

Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”

Me: “Really? ”

(The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)

Customer: “I guess it is.”

Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”

The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3

| Jackson, MS, USA | Top

(I’m a male to female transsexual working in a call center. My name is an androgynous name, so I still use the male name when greeting customers for legal reasons.)

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, K***y speaking. How can I help you today?”

Sexist Caller: “You can’t help me. Get me someone who can.”

Me: “I’m sure I can assist you sir, what is the problem today?”

Sexist Caller: “I ain’t talking to you!”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Sexist Caller: “I ain’t talking to no girl.”

(This caused me to both be glad that my voice passes for female on the phone, but really pissed me off cause of how horrible it was…but I would have my revenge…)

Me: “I’m terribly sorry to hear that sir, are you sure?”

Sexist Caller: “Get me a man, God d**n it!*

Me: “Okay sir, let me see what I can do. Please hold.”

(I proceed to put him on hold. I then spend the next few minutes eating a snack, reading some web comics, etc. I then clear my throat, and hit the button to take him off hold.)

Me: *with my old male voice this time* “Thank you for calling technical support, this is K***y speaking, how can I help you?”

Sexist Caller: “Oh thank god, I though I was gonna be stuck with that b**ch.”

Me: “Understandable sir, she’s not that good a technician.”

Sexist Caller: “You guys got the same name, you related or something?”

Me: “No way, thank God… ”

(I proceeded to reinstall his operating system from where he had totally screwed it up. I got written up for this, all while the manager was laughing and apologizing that he had to do it.)

Related:
The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
The Joy Of Sex(ism)

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