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    Category: Top

    It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

    , | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”

    Me: “Here ya go.”

    Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”

    Me: “Really? ”

    (The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)

    Customer: “I guess it is.”

    Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”

    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3

    | Jackson, MS, USA | Top

    (I’m a male to female transsexual working in a call center. My name is an androgynous name, so I still use the male name when greeting customers for legal reasons.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support, K***y speaking. How can I help you today?”

    Sexist Caller: “You can’t help me. Get me someone who can.”

    Me: “I’m sure I can assist you sir, what is the problem today?”

    Sexist Caller: “I ain’t talking to you!”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Sexist Caller: “I ain’t talking to no girl.”

    (This caused me to both be glad that my voice passes for female on the phone, but really pissed me off cause of how horrible it was…but I would have my revenge…)

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry to hear that sir, are you sure?”

    Sexist Caller: “Get me a man, God d**n it!*

    Me: “Okay sir, let me see what I can do. Please hold.”

    (I proceed to put him on hold. I then spend the next few minutes eating a snack, reading some web comics, etc. I then clear my throat, and hit the button to take him off hold.)

    Me: *with my old male voice this time* “Thank you for calling technical support, this is K***y speaking, how can I help you?”

    Sexist Caller: “Oh thank god, I though I was gonna be stuck with that b**ch.”

    Me: “Understandable sir, she’s not that good a technician.”

    Sexist Caller: “You guys got the same name, you related or something?”

    Me: “No way, thank God… ”

    (I proceeded to reinstall his operating system from where he had totally screwed it up. I got written up for this, all while the manager was laughing and apologizing that he had to do it.)

    Related:
    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
    The Joy Of Sex(ism)

    My Husband, The Mind Reader

    , | Savoy, IL, USA | Top

    (I am almost done making a customer’s sandwich and I ask if she would like anything else on it…)

    Lady: “Yeah, just put whatever else you normally put on it.”

    Me: “Well, I can put on whatever you want me to put on. We don’t have anything that we put on every sandwich. In fact, most are rarely ever the same.”

    Lady: “Look, you don’t have to get smart! Just put whatever else you put on it.”

    Me: “Well, what do you want on it?”

    Lady: “That stuff that you always put on these!”

    Me: “If you just say what it is you want, I will put it on for you.”

    Lady: “That stuff you always put on it!”

    (The lady’s husband walks over.)

    Lady’s husband: “She wants pepper.”

    Beauty And The Beast

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Top

    Me: “Ma’am, could you speak up?”

    Customer: “Yes, sorry. So that’s a large pepperoni pizza and…”

    *incoherent screaming*

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Sorry. Do you have chicken wings?”

    Me: “Yes. Hot, mild, lemon pepper–”

    *incoherent screaming*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Sorry. An order of hot wings, then. Do you have 2-liter drinks?”

    Me: “No, but–”

    *incoherent screaming*

    Me: “Could you ask your friend to please quiet down?”

    Customer: “He just needs some din-din before bed.”

    Me: “Children can be testy this late at night.”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s my husband.”

    Me: “Is it too late to change your mind?”

    Customer: “Not yet. We got married today.”

    Me: “… congratulations?”

    Related:
    Ah, Marriage
    All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash
    Behind Every Man Is An Embarrassed Wife
    Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Thick(headed) As Thieves

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to install your program but it keeps quitting during the set up.”

    Me: “Are you getting any error messages?”

    Customer: “No, it just quits and I have to restart the installation.”

    Me: “At what point does it quit?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s on the screen where is says registration code. I hit cancel and then it quits.”

    Me: “In order for the installation process to finish, you need to put in a registration code.”

    Customer: “Can you give me one?”

    Me: “For your program to work, you need to put in the code that comes with it.”

    Customer: “Well, how do I find that?”

    Me: “It would be on a slip of paper inside the box.”

    Customer: “What box?”

    Me: “The box that the CD came in.”

    Customer: “I didn’t get a box. Could you just give me a code?”

    Me: “When you bought the program it came in a box, did you lose the box?”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t buy it, I got it from a friend. But I don’t think she bought it either. The CD looks like it was homemade.”

    Me: “… homemade?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the top of the CD has handwriting on it. It’s just like the music CDs she gives to me.”

    Me: “I’m going to have to assume that the person who gave you this CD downloaded the program illegally. I can not provide you with a code to activate the software without a proper purchase.”

    Customer: “So now I can’t use it?”

    Me: “Not without purchasing it.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to pay for it, I just want to use it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it just won’t work that way.”

    Customer: “Well, what good are you, you lousy b**ch?!” *click*

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