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    They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

    , | Davis, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

    Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

    Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

    Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

    Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

    Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

    Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

    Me: “This might be difficult.”

    Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

    Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

    Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

    Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

    Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

    Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

    Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

    Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

    Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

    Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

    (Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

    Hopefully, She Got The House

    | Rhode Island, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, if I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.”

    Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* “Straightened out? D**n right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I’ll be d**ned if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a BAR there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–”

    Guest: “That’s just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is _______ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand, ma’am. I’m looking now, ma’am… okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th.”

    (There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)

    Guest: “What?”

    (At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am?”

    Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.”

    Me: “Thank you ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today–”

    (At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call…)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how–”

    Guest’s husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!”

    Me: *click*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Sorry I Asked

    | Gorham, ME, USA | Top

    (I notice an older woman and her twenty-something long-haired son struggling to find a certain brush in our hair care aisle.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Mother: “Help me? Help ME? The only way you could help me is to make my Fabio son over here stop dating thirteen year old girls!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Insert Sex Euphemism Here

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

    (I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”

    Me: “…”

    Mmm, Pasty Nerds

    , | Exton, PA, USA | Top

    (A woman in her forties walks in…)

    Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

    (The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Toys’R’Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

    Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

    Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

    Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

    Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

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