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    A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    (I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

    Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

    (The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

    Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

    Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”

    Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

    Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

    Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

    Retail Defender, AntiCheapskate Edition

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)

    Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”

    Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”

    Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”

    Me: “Sir I–”

    Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”

    Me: “Sir, I think that–”

    Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”

    (A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)

    Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”

    Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”

    Woman: “L****party.org.” (Warning: This is a disturbing porn site that I would not recommend viewing.)

    Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”

    Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”

    Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”

    (The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)

    Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks

    | Lansing, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (Background: I work at a small round lake about a mile in diameter. From any point on the shore you can see the edge of the lake all around. The lake is used for fishing and as such is full of sand and seaweed and fish.)

    Patron: “Hi, can you tell me what ocean this is?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a fresh water man-made lake, not an ocean.”

    Patron: “I mean, what ocean is it connected to?”

    Me: “It’s not connected to an ocean. It’s a man-made lake.”

    (The patron pauses and obviously decides to come at this from another angle.)

    Patron: “What river feeds this lake?”

    Me: “This lake used to be a gravel pit before they filled it in with water. It’s not connected to the river system. It’s man-made.”

    Patron: “Well, where does all the water come from?”

    Me: “The lake is filled with rainwater, mostly.”

    Patron: “That’s awful! I don’t want to let my kids swim in rain water… it’s dirty. You should keep the rain out of the lake!”

    Me: *sarcastically* “I totally agree. Maybe we can spend tax dollars on a tarp to cover the lake when it rains.”

    Patron: “That’s an excellent idea! I hope you mention that to your supervisors!”

    Life’s Great Mysteries, Volume 1

    | Oklahoma, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?”

    Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ”

    Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!”

    (She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.)

    Water You, Stupid

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Top

    (While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

    Me: “Whose bag is this?”

    Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

    Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

    Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

    (I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

    Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

    Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

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