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    Passing The Buck

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a problem with you guys! You are trying to screw me!”

    Me: “Ok, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I am trying to buy a house. Your company is showing a unpaid bill for $5000, and my bank has denied my loan because of this.”

    Me: “Well, according to our records you purchased an air conditioner two years ago for $3500. You made two payments of $150 and never made another payment.”

    Customer: “Yes, so?”

    Me: “Well, you never paid for the item so we reported it as such.”

    Customer: “But I sold that house a year and a half ago!”

    Me: “But you never paid for the air conditioner.”

    Customer: “I KNOW THAT! WHY WOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T OWN! CALL THE NEW OWNERS AND GET YOUR MONEY, AND GET THIS OFF MY CREDIT REPORT!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but we agreed to extend credit to you, not the new owners of the house. You signed the agreement, not them.”

    Customer: “Where am I supposed to get $5000?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but all I can think of is when you got the money for selling the home with the air conditioner, you should have paid the account balance off.”

    Customer: “I TOLD YOU I AM NOT GOING TO PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T HAVE!”

    Me: “Okay, then I guess this call is over and I hope you get your bank to loan you the money.”

    Customer: “So you fixed it?”

    Me: “I sure did. Have a great day.”

    (All I did was update her account with her new address and phone number. The legal dept had noted on the account they had been unable to locate her after she sold the home… they’ll definitely find her now.)

    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    | Commack, NY, USA | Top

    (I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40’s with a kid no older then 10.)

    Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…”

    (I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

    Me: “… everything?”

    Man: “I guess so.”

    Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!”

    Man: “Alright, let’s go get some more.”

    (About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

    Man: “Alright, I think this is enough.”

    (I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

    Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

    Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

    Related:
    Ah, Fathers

    The Blind Leading The Blind

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top

    (I’m helping an elderly customer look for a book when some guy interrupts, speaking gibberish. I can’t understand what he’s saying at all.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you try to describe it?”

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    (The elderly customer apparently understands and begins speaking to the guy.)

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Elderly customer, to me: “Music books?”

    Me: “Over there.”

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    Elderly customer, to me: “Where?”

    Me: “In the corner.”

    Elderly customer: *gibberish*

    Gibberish guy: *gibberish*

    (The gibberish guy leaves.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks for the translation.”

    Elderly customer: “Oh, I speak a little of everything.”

    Me: “What language were they speaking?”

    Elderly customer: “I don’t know.”

    Jesus, The Only MasterCard You’ll Ever Need

    | Florida, USA | Top

    Me: “Thanks for calling Credit Card Services, how may I help you today?”

    Card member: “Yeah, I was just looking over my statement and see I was charged a late fee. Why?”

    Me: “Well, when we receive a payment past the due date, a late fee is normally assessed to the account. Do you have any idea why we received the payment late?”

    Card member: “I was on vacation and didn’t send it in until the 12th.”

    Me: “Well, the payment was¬†due on the 8th and there is usually at least seven days between customers sending in their payment until we can receive and process them.”

    Card member: “Well, can you waive that fee for me?”

    Me: ¬†”Unfortunately, since the fee was billed appropriately, there isn’t any way that it can be removed.”

    Card member: “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”

    Me: “How is that in any way relevant to this conversation?”

    Card member: “Jesus would waive my fee!”

    Me: “Jesus wouldn’t own a bank.”

    One Coffee Conflagration, Coming Right Up

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “I’d like a venti latte made with organic milk. It has to be organic milk.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have organic milk in this store.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says that you do on the menu!”

    Coworker: “Well, our customers here rarely order drinks made with organic milk, so we don’t stock it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?! I cannot drink my latte if it isn’t made with organic milk!”

    Coworker: “If it’s that important to you, we can make your drink with soy, which is organic.”

    Customer: “NO! NO! NO! Soy milk is disgusting! Regular milk is disgusting! I should be able to get what I WANT when I come here! It is imperative that I have my g**d*** latte made with organic milk!”

    (They go back and forth like this for several more minutes as the line behind her grows longer and more impatient, while my friend is desperately trying to appease her with our milk options. Suddenly, the customer’s friend seems to finally have run out of patience…)

    Customer: “I NEED it to be ORGANIC!”

    Customer’s friend: *suddenly loud* “Why? So you can stand outside and drink your d*** organic latte while smoking your organic cigarettes? They don’t have it! Drop it already and get something else!”

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