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    Category: Top

    Shoulda Filled It With Apples

    , | Tampa, FL, USA | Top

    Customer: “I want to return this computer.”

    Me: “Ok, I can help you with that. Where is it?”

    (The customer puts a badly damaged computer box on the counter. I open the box and find that it’s filled with oranges.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I’m unable to accept this for return.”

    Customer: “When I opened the box, it was filled with oranges! I want my money back.”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands me a hand written receipt from a generic receipt book.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, this is not a store receipt. I’m unable to accept this.”

    Customer: “The guy I bought it from said he got it here for $99 dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could return it here. I want my money back, I got ripped off!”

    Me: “Sir, I apologize that you gave this guy your money, but it seems he gave you a box of oranges and a fake receipt. I’m unable to help you…”

    (At this point customer gets very loud and starts throwing oranges around the store. Someone calls the police and he is eventually arrested. To this day, I’m unsure if I should laugh or feel sorry for the guy.)

    If The Shoe Fits…

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedic office. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “PUT MY DAUGHTER ON THE PHONE!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? This is **** Ortho–”

    Caller: “No it isn’t! Now put my daughter on the phone right now! She knows she isn’t supposed to have boys over!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “NO I DON’T.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid–”

    Caller: “You better be! I’m on my way home RIGHT NOW and god help you if you’re still there!”

    (By this point we have several calls waiting to be answered. My supervisor signals me to transfer the call to them so I can get back to my job.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you this is a medical office. Would you like to speak to my supervisor?”

    Caller: *dripping with sarcasm* “Oh suuuure! Put me through to your supervisor!”

    Supervisor: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedics, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!”

    (It took several minutes for my supervisor to get the woman off the phone, after which she called three more times…)

    Conscience: We Loves It

    | Madison, WI, USA | Top

    (Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store had many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I was at my cash register for check-out when a customer came to me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

    (The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

    Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning*

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *still scanning*

    Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!!!!” *runs out*

    Me: “!?!”

    A Case Of The Computer Cooties

    , | Dublin, Ireland | Top

    (The office downstairs sometimes calls up to us for tech support. They’re not too great with computers.)

    Guy from downstairs: “I think one of the computers has a virus.”

    Me: “Ok, which one?”

    Guy: “The one in the middle of the office.”

    (This seems strange, as I remember that they don’t have any computers in the middle of the room.)

    Me: “Have you moved the computers recently?”

    Guy: “Yeah, we put it in the middle of the office so the other computers wouldn’t catch the virus!”

    (I went downstairs and a disconnected desktop stands in all its glory in the middle of the room. It didn’t have a virus.)

    Big Yellow Warning Bags Are Your Friend

    | Ames, IA, USA | Top

    (A girl pulls up to a gas pump. I’m watching her through the window from behind the cash register as she removes the OUT OF ORDER BAG placed over the pump (clearly marked, bright yellow bag) and throws it in the trash next to her. She plays around with it for a while and then walks toward the door.)

    Girl: “Your pumps aren’t working.”

    Me: “Go back outside, pull the bag that you just threw away out of the trash and read it. That should solve the problem.”

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