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    Grog Carry Bag, Grog Not Fashion Consultant

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “What do you think about this bra?”

    Customer’s husband: “Umm… sure.”

    Customer: “Okay, should I get this one in white or black?”

    Customer’s husband: “I don’t know! I don’t wear them, I just take them off of you!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Of All The Lies To Tell

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Top

    Snooty customer: “I want a milkshake, but I want it made THICK. Last time I had a shake here, it was like drinking ice cream flavored water!”

    Me: “I can assure you that I can make you a very thick milkshake, ma’am. What flavor would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “A milkshake! I want a milkshake!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What FLAVOR of milkshake would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “I told you I wanted an extra chocolaty chocolate one!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One extra chocolaty chocolate milkshake, thick.”

    (I fill the milkshake cup with chocolate ice cream and use hot fudge sauce instead of chocolate syrup. I add maybe a tablespoon of milk. I get it mixed up, ring her up and she leaves. A few minutes later she returns, cuts in front of about 10 people waiting in line and slams her milkshake on the counter.)

    Snooty customer: “I want to talk to a manager! I want to know why no one here can do their d*** job!”

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Snooty customer: “I told that girl there I wanted a normal chocolate milkshake, and this is so thick I can’t get it through the straw! I just gave myself a headache trying to drink this thing! I demand double my money back, a free milkshake and some Ibuprofen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I was standing right behind her when you placed your order. She made you what you asked for. An extra chocolaty shake that was thick. I am not returning your money or giving you a new milkshake.”

    Snooty customer: “But, my husband is Dr. *** and I always get what I want!”

    (Suddenly, another customer who has been standing in line and watching the whole thing speaks up.)

    Another customer: “Excuse me B****, but Dr. *** is my BROTHER and you sure as h*** aren’t his wife, you d*** liar!”

    Snooty customer: *leaves in a huff*

    (My manager gave the other customer her entire order on the house. She deserved it, whether it was true or not.)

    Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating”

    | Orange, CA, USA | Top

    Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!”

    Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.”

    Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

    Mom: “You can’t have it!”

    Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

    (At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.)

    Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!”

    Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones

    | Willimantic, CT, USA | Top

    (Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

    Me: *walks out of the cooler*

    Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there.

    Me: “I don’t mind it.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

    Customer: “WARM!? In a COOLER!? You’re a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!”

    Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

    Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

    She Said, He Said

    | Fairfax, VA, USA | Top

    (I’m the electronics specialist at my store, and all electronic products go through me at some point before they are put out on the floor.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a video game for my son. Can you find someone to help me with that?”

    Me: “Oh, sure. Which game system did you want it for?”

    Customer: “Oh no, not you. Can you find someone else? ”

    Me: “Well, there’s nobody else in this department right now who has access to the video games. It’s gonna have to be me.”

    Customer: “I mean, you’re a GIRL. What do you know? I demand that someone with more… well, I want a guy to help me. I’ll wait.”

    Me: “Sure… I’ll call someone to come over.”

    (I call over my male co-worker on the walkie who arrives about ten minutes later. My coworker gives me a weird look.)

    Coworker: “Okay… what did you need, sir?”

    (The customer starts rattling off a ton of technical questions about the compatibility of certain games and accessories, as well as questions about the content of each game.)

    Coworker: “Uhh… I don’t really know. You should ask her. She IS the Electronics Specialist…”

    Customer: “WHAT?! HOW?! She’s… a… GIRL! Well, I still want you to help me.”

    (My coworker and I follow this customer around for about 20 minutes as he asks questions to my coworker, who in turn asks ME. When I answer, the customer tunes out, so that my coworker has to repeat what I said.)

    Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”

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