Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Filled With Creamy Justice
    (1,831 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Top

    Insert Sex Euphemism Here

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

    (I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”

    Me: “…”

    Mmm, Pasty Nerds

    , | Exton, PA, USA | Top

    (A woman in her forties walks in…)

    Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

    (The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Toys’R'Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

    Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

    Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

    Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

    Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

    The Not-So-Difficult Art Of Misdirection

    | Canada | Top

    Me: “Hello, ****** Fencing Club.”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club… you know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.”

    Customer: “Oh… you see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences, we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabres.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay… it needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

    Me: “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see… you see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

    Me: *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Try the Soccer Centre.”

    Customer: “The Soccer Centre?”

    Me: “Yeah, the Soccer Centre.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    The Customer Is Not Always Happy

    | Windsor, ON, Canada | Top

    Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

    Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s**t.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

    Customer: *stalks off*

    I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

    Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

    Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

    Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”

    Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

    Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

    Me: “What’s that word?”

    Patron:Now!”

    Me: “And the others?”

    Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”


    Page 311/349First...309310311312313...Last