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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Top

    Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

    Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

    Why Catch-22 Needs To Be Required Reading

    | California, USA | Top

    Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.”

    Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…”

    Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ”

    Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.”

    (Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

    Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

    Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

    Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.”

    Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.”

    Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

    Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?”

    Me: “We do not sell internet.”

    Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?”

    Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.”

    Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?”

    Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.”

    Me: *head explodes*

    Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

    | Reno, NV, USA | Geography, Top

    (I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

    Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

    Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

    Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

    Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

    (I finish loading her trunk.)

    Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

    Me: “…”

    Just Wait ‘Till He Meets The Dwarves In The Urinals

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Top

    Man: “Hey! I put my card in the ATM machine over there and put in my numbers, but it won’t give me any money. Does that even make any sense?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, the ATM is owned by that bank. You’ll have to call them.”

    Man: “Oh, you would say that!”

    Me: “If you’d like, sir, I can try to give you cash back here at my register, but I cannot access your bank information.”

    Man: “I mean, I go to my bank and I can get out money just fine, but here… it won’t even work. I mean, does that make any sense?”

    Me: “Would you like me to call my manager for you, sir?”

    Man: “Oh, you’d try to save your job, wouldn’t you!”

    (And then it gets weird…)

    Man: “Wait!” *points at ceiling* “There used to be windows there! You people boarded them up!”

    Me: “WHAT?”

    Man: “Yeah! YEAH! The guys on the computers! I bet you have them up there watching me and keeping me from getting my money!”

    Me: *laughing* “Um, sir, there are no people living in our walls. Go to your bank, and have a nice day!”

    Man: *grumbles and leaves, turning back to look at the ceiling every few steps*

    (From that point on, my co-workers who witnessed this blame everything on the ‘people in the walls’.)

    Chocolate 1, Self Control 0

    | New Jersey, USA | Top

    Me: “We’ve got a special offer on chocolate at the moment, if you’re interested at all?”

    Customer: “Chocolate?! You know what? I will have some. I hope you’re happy. I mean, honestly…why do you think I have a weight problem, let alone the rest of the world?”

    Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you had to buy it…”

    Customer: “Well no, you didn’t, but I’m not going to turn down a special offer, am I?”

    Me: “Would you like me to offer you a health bar instead?”

    Customer: “No, I’ll take two chocolate bars.”


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