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    Category: Top

    Yes But No But Yes

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer calls back to complain about an order of pizza that I, the manager, had made and she had just received.)

    Me: “Hi ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I am legally blind and my mother is looking at my pizza and saying the pepperoni, sausage and green pepper pizza is missing the sausage.”

    Me: “So your pizza is missing the sausage?”

    Customer: “Mom, it’s missing sausage right?”

    Mother: “Well… no. It has plenty of sausage on it… but there is a slice with just pepperoni!”

    Customer: “My mom says it has plenty of sausage on it, but there is a slice with just pepperoni.”

    Me: “So a slice has nothing but pepperoni on it?”

    Customer: “Mom, a slice only has pepperoni, right?”

    Mother: “Well… no, it is evenly spread out… but there are mushrooms on this pizza!”

    Customer: “My mom says it is evenly spread out, but there are mushrooms on this pizza.”

    Me: “So there are mushrooms on the pizza?”

    Customer: “Mom, there are mushrooms on that pizza, right?

    Mother: “Well, no…”

    Customer: *to me* “I’m sorry to have taken up your time…”

    What’s Black And White And Dumb All Over

    | Canada | Top

    Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”

    Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”

    Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”

    Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”

    Customer: “So you can’t do color?”

    Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”

    Customer: “Aw, well I really wanted it in color, but oh well… I guess.”

    (She then proceeds to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)

    Nothin’ Like Some Tough Lovin’

    , | Tempe, AZ, USA | Top

    (I work for an internet billing company that mostly does work with porn sites.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Consumer Support. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I got some charges on my card, and I wanna know what the heck’s goin’ on.”

    Me: “No problem sir. If I can get the card number, I’ll be happy to help out.”

    (He gives me his card, and I go through the process of looking it up and getting his info.)

    Me: “Alright sir, it looks like I have a subscription here to pornking.com. Is that familiar?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know that. Hold on a sec. RANDY!!!”

    (I hear him shouting at someone in the background, and then the sounds of someone getting the ever-loving crap beaten out of them.)

    Customer: “Alright, I done took care of the charges. Can you cancel that for me?”

    Me: “… sure. I’ve canceled it from further billing now for you.”

    Customer: “Alright, you have a nice day.” *click*

    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

    , | United Kingdom | Top

    (Note: I didn’t even work at this place. I was just looking at the games with my dad but I figured I’d help this lady out.)

    Customer: “Hi, my son wants a Star Wars game. How much will that be?”

    Me: “Well, there are lots of Star Wars games, because some are older than others. The older ones are more likely to be cheaper… sometimes the console changes the price as well.”

    Customer: “Console?”

    Me: “The thing you play it on.”

    Customer: “Oh he’s got a Gamestation.”

    Me: “Do you mean a Playstation or a Gamecube?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, it’s black.”

    Me: “Is it cube shaped?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Right so, it’s a Playstation 2. Did your son say which type of Star Wars game he wanted, or even the name?”

    Customer: “No he just said Star Wars. A shooting one, I think.”

    Me:Most of them are shooting games…”

    Customer: “Well, this is the one with the laser guns in it and the laser swords.”

    Me: *cringing* “Laser guns and laser swords are what Star Wars is famous for.”

    (My dad, who is behind me, starts laughing.)

    Customer: “I’m not some Star Wars computer genius you know! This is only the 21st century. I don’t even know why you work here if you don’t know what I should buy!”

    Me: “I don’t actually work here.”

    Customer: “Well, why are you wearing the employee t-shirt?!”

    (She points towards my Children of Bodom t-shirt.)

    Me: “Good point, go and speak to my boss if you are unhappy about me working here.”

    Customer: “I will, and you might get fired, so watch-out!”

    Crazy To Go

    | Hawaii, USA | Top

    (Late night in a very crowded restaurant, a lady cuts in front of me and stands in the well, blocking me from getting my drinks for my tables.)

    Bartender: “Ma’am, you cant stand there. Please move over to the side and I will help you.”

    Lady: “I just want to get some food to go.”

    Bartender: “Ma’am, please move over to the side of the bar and I can help you.”

    Lady: “Can I get some food to go?”

    (At this point there are three servers who are now blocked from getting their drinks from the well.)

    Bartender: “Ma’am, we only do take-out orders from 5:00-6:00, or an hour before closing.”

    Lady: *blank stare*

    Me: “Excuse me, may I squeeze by you? I have to get my drinks for my tables.”

    Lady: *turns to me* “I want to order some food to go!”

    Me: “We only do food to go from 5-6. Or an hour before closing.”

    Lady: “What? I need to get some food to go!”

    Bartender: “Lady! You need to move out of the service well! I can’t get you any food to go right now!”

    Lady: “But… but… I need to order some food…”

    Me: “Right. Food to go. But we dont do that right now.”

    Lady: “Why not?”

    Other blocked servers: “Are you f**king kidding me?”

    Bartender: “Ma’am, if you will please just move to the side, I will ask if we can get you some food to go.”

    Lady: “Thank you. I dont understand what’s wrong with you people!”

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please scoot over? Please?”

    Lady: “I’m not going anywhere until I get my food to go!”

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Lady: “I’m trying to order food to go and your crappy staff won’t help me!

    Manager: “Well, we don’t do food to go right now.”

    Lady: “This is bulls**t! I’ll have your f**king job! I want my food to go NOW!”

    Manager: “Why don’t you get the hell out of here right now before I call the police?”

    (She stormed out and the entire bar started cheering and clapping.)


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