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  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Top

    From Zero to Stupid In 10 Seconds

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “Hi, I just brought this machine. I hooked it up as per the manual and it won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Did you plug it in?”

    Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot.”

    Me: “Did you turn off the surge-master?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Double-checked all the wires?”

    Customer: “For God’s sake, YES! It was fairly simple; it’s all color-coded. You’d have to be a moron to make a mistake.”

    Me: “OK…why don’t you tell me what you did?”

    Customer: “I unpacked it, plugged all the wires in, and then plugged it into my outlet.”

    Me: “Then?”

    Customer: “Then I put the accelerator on the floor and stepped on it.”

    Me: “…ma’am, there is no accelerator on your computer…”

    Customer: “Yes there is! It’s that thing that has two buttons on either side, and that little wheel on the bottom!”

    (In case it wasn’t obvious, she had stepped on the mouse.)

    You Can Never Be Too Careful

    | Florida, USA | Top

    Young girl, maybe six: “Hi, I need a table for 4 please.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”


    (The mom, dad and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

    Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

    Young girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

    Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

    Young girl: “Oh…”

    Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

    | Connecticut, USA | Top

    (A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

    Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

    Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?”

    Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

    Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

    Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

    Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

    It’s All In The Wrist

    , | Oregon, USA | Top

    Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?”

    Customer: “Here.”

    Me: “That will be $8.42.”

    (The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.)

    Customer: “Wham!”

    Me: *blank stare*

    (The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.)

    Customer: “Oh. whoops! Lets try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!”

    Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

    Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

    Me: “Homma what?”

    Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

    Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

    Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

    Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

    Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*