October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Top

Driving Miss Crazy

| Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Top

(I was coming home on the bus and overheard a conversation between an elderly lady and the bus driver.)

Lady: “Oof! Do you mind?! You’re so awful!”

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, ma’am? What’s the problem?”

Lady: “You keep starting and stopping the bus! I keep falling forward and backward, and it’s taking so long for me to get home. It’s getting dark!”

Bus Driver: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am – I have to stop at the designated stops.”

Lady: “Stop making excuses! There’s no reason to be doing this. Just ignore the stops!”

Bus Driver: “So you want me to ignore all the other people wanting to get on the bus?”

Lady: “Well, yes! Finally you understand! You can go back afterwards and get them! Is it so much to ask for good help anymore?!”

Maybe He’s Molting

| Springfield, VA, USA | Top

(Many young couples with young children belong to my pool, and many of them ask a lot of questions. A man leads his 6-year-old son into our guard office.)

Pool patron: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes sir? Can I help you?”

Pool patron: “I’m very scared my son is in trouble.”

Me: “Is he okay? Did he hurt himself in the pool? Are there any major injuries?”

Pool patron: “His skin is all wrinkled and soft. It feels strange. Is it going to fall off?”

Me: “Sir, that happens to everyone’s skin who has been in water for an extended period of time.”

Pool patron: “So his skin won’t fall off, right?”

Extreme Primate Refereeing

| San Diego, CA, USA | Top

(I work at a snack cart across from the gorilla enclosure. A woman walks up to me and this conversation ensued.)

Customer: “Look! Look! The gorillas are fighting!”

Me: “No, they just rough-house like that about this time every day.”

Customer: “No, that’s fighting, someone’s going to get hurt.”

Me: “Ma’am, seriously, that’s how they play.”

Customer: “That’s a fight! Stop them! Right now! It’s a bad example for the children.”

Me: “Stop them…how?”

Customer: “Get in there and make them cut it out right now!”

Me: *staring at her while other customers in line laugh*

Customer: *stomping off* “I’m telling your boss you won’t stop that violence!”

Next customer in line: “So you’re in charge of gorillas AND churros, huh?”

When Political Causes Collide

, | Victoria, BC, Canada | Top

Customer: “Excuse me, where is this table made? It’s not made in China, is it?”

Me: “Yes, I do believe it’s made in China.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you would sell things from China.”

Me: “Well, we have a factory there that makes custom furnishings directly for us. I assure you they’re of the highest quality.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t shop here! This is an outrage!

Me: “I don’t see the problem…”

Customer: “The problem is that they do animal testing in China!”

Me: “Um, this is a table.”

Customer: “They still do animal testing!”

Me: “Well, I assure you no animals were harmed during the building of this table.”

Customer: *storms out*

Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart

| Dayton, OH, USA | Top

(I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

Coworker: “Here.”

Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”

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