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    Category: Top

    It’s All In The Wrist

    , | Oregon, USA | Top

    Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?”

    Customer: “Here.”

    Me: “That will be $8.42.”

    (The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.)

    Customer: “Wham!”

    Me: *blank stare*

    (The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.)

    Customer: “Oh. whoops! Lets try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!”

    Fighting Ignorance With Ignorance

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer walks up to the counter where we have LGBT books up for Pride month.)

    Customer: “What the h***! Why are you guys showing off all these hommasesual books?”

    Me: “Homma what?”

    Customer: “Hommasesual books… you know, dudes with other dudes and stuff. You should be ashamed.”

    Me: “I still don’t understand. I have no idea what a hommasesual is or ‘dudes with other dudes.’ I’m not sure what that means.”

    Customer: “Oh, you all are a bunch of f**s here!”

    Coworker: “What, you’re looking for bags?”

    Customer: *gets fed up and leaves*

    Literary Emergency

    | New Jersey, USA | Top

    (During a busy day right before Christmas, a woman comes up to my register, cutting the entire line, and slaps a gift card down on the counter.)

    Customer: “I need fifty dollars on this gift card.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I’m afraid you’ll have to wait.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Excuse me?” ‘

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here before any of these people got here! I NEED THIS GIFT CARD NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I just can’t do that. You’ll have to wait like everyone else.”

    Customer: “Now you’re just pretending you didn’t see me just so you can be a little b**** and tell me no! I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there’s no need to yell. I was busy with customers and didn’t see you standing there. I apologize for that, but I really must ask you to wait in line.”

    Customer: “NO! You little b****! You don’t understand! I am a nurse! This is for a patient!”

    Me: “My answer won’t change.”

    Customer: “This is for a patient! It’s Christmas! Don’t you have a f****** heart?! Where is your Christmas spirit?!”

    Me: “I’m Jewish.”

    Customer: “Put fifty dollars on this gift card before I get you fired! This is for a patient and he is dying! I need it now!”

    Me: “…if he’s dying, what the h*** is he going to do with a gift card?”

    (She stalked off angrily when she saw not only my manager, but the police coming towards her. By the way, I got a raise after that.)

    All Games Rated D For Delicious

    | London, UK | Top

    (A coworker and I are chatting at the counter, when a guy comes up and dumps a Playstation 3
    onto the counter.)

    Customer: “It’s defective.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Nothing happens when I plug it into my TV.”

    Coworker: “OK, let me check on one of the ones we have.”

    (My coworker takes the Playstation 3 and plugs it into a TV we have. It works fine.)

    Coworker: “It doesn’t appear to be the Playstation 3. It’s probably the TV. Would you like to bring that in for us to have a look at?”

    Customer: “Yeah. OK. I’ll bring it in later.”

    (The customer grabs the Playstation 3 and leaves. He returns a few hours later and walks up to me, alone this time.)

    Customer: “Hey, you were with the guy who served me earlier, right?”

    Me: “Yes. You have the TV, sir?”

    (The customer dumps the strangest TV ever onto the counter with the Playstation 3 beside it.)

    Customer: “Here. It’s still not working.”

    Me: *holding back laughter* “Sir, this isn’t a TV. It’s a microwave.”

    Customer: “Duh! I know that!”

    Me: “I don’t think the Playstation 3 will work on it.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it’s a microwave. It’s used to cook food, not play games.”

    Customer: “But it has a screen. Why wouldn’t it work?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    They’re Starting To Catch On

    | Adelaide, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I thought I should let you guys know your phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “OK – are you sure you’ve been dialing the correct number?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve been trying 0800-2100 all week, and it never goes through.”

    Me: “…0800-2100? That’s not our number – our number is ****. If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get 0800-2100 from?”

    Customer: “Right there, on your door.” *points*

    Me: “Sir, that’s not a phone number…those are our business hours.”

    Customer: “I’m going to see this on NotAlwaysRight.com, aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes… yes you will. Have a nice day!”

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