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    Customers In Glass Stores Shouldn’t Throw Stones

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (My store is right next to a movie theater in a really rich area. The mall mostly caters to wealthy adults, and as such does not have a food court. My store is the only non-sit down food in the mall. I have just closed down for the night. My store front is glass without blinds.)

    Group Of Teenagers: *banging on the windows and doors* “Hey! Let us in! We need cookies!”

    (They then proceed to pull on the door and make all sorts of noise. Finally I confront them.)

    Me: “My store is closed. You were aware of this and still you banged on the door and nearly set off the alarm. Now you have left marks all over my windows and doors. You will clean them up now, and then you will leave.”

    (I hand them paper towels and window cleaner.)

    Lead Teenage Boy: “I don’t have to do that! You can’t make me! What’ll happen if I don’t?”

    Me: Well, [Lead Teenage Boy], not only do I know your name, as well as where you live, I can ban you from the store and have security escort you from the property. I can also look at the door carefully and if there is damage, file a report with the police department. I guess you forgot that I used to ride your bus, didn’t you?

    (They proceeded to clean up the windows and never banged on my doors again. Believe it or not, they were not the only kids whom I made clean the glass.)

    The Offer Is Sub-Standard

    , | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (The sandwich shop I work in is only a block down the main street from a fairly rowdy nightclub. To alleviate problems we close two hours before the club does but we are often there long past closing to finish the cleanup. It is quite common for drunk people to bang on the door when it is well past closing and try to convince us to make them something. This particular night a group of four young men stumble past and one starts hollering through the locked glass door.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, can you make me a sub?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

    Drunk Guy: “C’mon! It’ll just take a sec. Hey, you can just pocket the money and no one will ever know!”

    Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t honest, we have security cameras.”

    Drunk Guy: “Oh, c’mon. It’s just a sub. Please?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed and all the food is put away.”

    (By this point his friends are trying to drag him along but I can see that it’s become a rather inebriated point of pride for him to convince me.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, I know. Tell ya what. I’ll sleep with you if you make me a sub!”

    (I make a really obvious show of looking him up and down.)

    Me: “And what’s in it for me?”

    (He just stood there looking dumbfounded as his friends all cracked up laughing, one of them actually falling over because he was laughing so hard. Shortly thereafter they dragged him off, still in shock.)

    The True Appliance Of Science

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Awesome Customers, Math & Science, Top

    (I volunteer at a children’s museum in their dinosaur area, where I work in the lab. We work behind a glass window that we keep open so the kids can ask us questions about the bones we are cleaning.)

    Every Kid: *completely ignoring me* “Wow! A real dinosaur bone!”

    One Awesome Kid: *staring directly at me* “Wow! A real scientist!”

    Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    (As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Is it alive?”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

    Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

    Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

    Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

    Customer: “And they’re not?”

    Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

    Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

    Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

    Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

    Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

    Customer: “Yeah….”

    Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

    Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

    Me: “There you go.”

    Completely Taking The Mickey

    | Madrid, Spain | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (A customer approaches me in the counter while I finish ringing up another. I’m sure she has come to the bakery a couple of times, but she’s not exactly a regular.)

    Customer: “So nice to see you!”

    Me: “Sure, it has been a while since I last saw you.”

    Customer: “That’s because I was on a trip, to [Theme Park]”

    Me: *smiling politely* “That sounds good.”

    Customer: *looking in her purse* “I actually bought you something.”

    (She takes a Theme Park Character figurine, putting it in the counter. I stare, confused.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks, I guess… So, have you found anything you like around? We just made these new cupcakes.”

    Customer: “Of course I saw them.”

    (Puts three boxes on the counter, and I proceed to ring them up.)

    Me: “Your total is €9.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, just with the [Theme Park Character] is fine.”

    (I stare confused.)

    Customer: “Yes, you see, this thing was €10, so I give you this in exchange. An exchange. That’s fine, right?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m truly grateful you thought of us, but we do not accept exchange here.

    You can either pay with cash or credit card…”

    (She shakes her head, and grabs the figure to slam it in the counter. The thing doesn’t seem €10 in the slightest, since it’s about three inches tall.)

    Customer: “No! I already told you this covers all the total! And even, you owe me €1!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this. You can keep this [Theme Park Character] and pay with cash or credit card, as I said.”

    Customer: “No way!”

    (She grabs the cupcake boxes and starts to leave. My yells to call her back are heard by my coworkers, who help me and stop her from leaving. The woman had to be practically dragged away. The Theme Park Character remained on the counter for several hours, until a family comes up to the counter and the figure catches the attention of the son.)

    Kid: “I’ve got one like this! It came with my meal at [Famous Burger Chain]!”

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