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    Category: Top

    Definitely Not Right

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA | Top

    (Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream shop]. What can I help you out with today?”

    Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”

    Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”

    Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”

    (The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)

    Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”

    Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*

    Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I’m gay!”

    Customer: “Oh my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”

    Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”

    Customer: “Oh my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*

    Me, to coworker: “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”

    Coworker: “You should put that on notalwaysright.”

    Me: “I think I will.”

    (She never did call our manager.)

    We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 2

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Top

    (There is a long line at a small local convenience store due to a very nice but inexperienced cashier. The cashier messes up a purchase for the second time…)

    Owner, to cashier: “What the f*** is wrong with you?! You are so f***ing worthless!”

    Customer: “How dare you talk to her like that! She is trying her hardest!”

    Owner, to customer: “If you don’t like how I treat my employees, you can leave!”

    (Upon hearing this, everyone in line drops their things on the ground and walks out of the store.)

    Related:
    We Need One Of These In Every Store

    Like, OMG, You’re Stupid

    | Louisiana, USA | Top

    (I’m a desk assistant at a college dorm. One day, these two giggly freshman girls come up to me.)

    Girl #1: “Ummm… can we, like, borrow your phonebook?”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    Girl #1: *flips through the book, looking completely dumbfounded*

    Me: “Need help finding something?”

    Girl #2: *whispers* “Jason’s is under ‘J’.”

    Girl #1: *whispers back* “I know, but sometimes I forget the alphabet…”

    Girl #2: “OmiGAWD me too!”¬†*giggle giggle*

    (I grab the phonebook and look up their listing.)

    Me: “Here–Jason’s.”

    Girl #1: “Oh my GAWD thank you! They should really have a college course for, like, phone books! I’m not from this town, so, ya know…”

    Now Playing: Busted

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to [movie theater].¬†Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Two for [rated R movie].”

    Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

    Customer: ¬†”I don’t have any.”

    Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you any tickets.”

    Customer: “But I’m 17! I’m allowed to see it!”

    Me: “Not without an ID you aren’t! And even if you had an ID, I could only sell you one. You have to be 21 to buy more than one.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this! Look, I drove here today!”

    (At this point he flashes daddy’s Mercedes keys in my face to “prove” he drove here.)

    Me: “So, let me get this straight. You drove your Mercedes here without any form of ID, including a driver’s license?”

    Customer: “YEAH! WHAT OF IT?!”

    Me: ¬†”I’m sure the Raleigh Police Officer standing right behind you would love to have a word with you.”

    Related:
    Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers

    Why Everything Seems To Take Forever

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    Library patron: “I need to get on a computer.”

    Me: “I’m sorry… as the sign on the sign-up computer says, the entire computer system is down.”

    Library patron:“Oh, I just need to check my email.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s everything.”

    Library patron: “Well, could you look up a book for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess I’m not clear. The ENTIRE system is down. We can’t do anything that involves the internet and that includes printing things out. We even use VOIP phones so we can’t call out.”

    Library patron: “Oh. Well, just look up what I have checked out right now, and tell me when it’s due.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, either.”

    Library patron: “Can you check my email for me?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We use the same system.”

    Library patron: “But, I saw you typing!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m working on a report on the word processor. This is something that doesn’t use the Internet.”

    Library patron: “Well, when will the computers be fixed?”

    Me: “We don’t know.”

    Library patron: “Why?”

    Me: “Because it’s broken. If we knew what was wrong, we’d be fixing it.”

    Library patron: “Does this happen often?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Library patron: “So you are saying it’s just a coincidence that the first time I need to use the computer, the system is down?”

    Me: “Well, yes.”

    Library patron: “Do you actually do anything useful here?”

    Me: “Well, normally I’d be troubleshooting the problem with the system, but for the past 10 minutes, I’ve been having to answer your questions about it.”

    Library patron: *stomps off*


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