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    When Political Causes Collide

    , | Victoria, BC, Canada | Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is this table made? It’s not made in China, is it?”

    Me: “Yes, I do believe it’s made in China.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you would sell things from China.”

    Me: “Well, we have a factory there that makes custom furnishings directly for us. I assure you they’re of the highest quality.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t shop here! This is an outrage!

    Me: “I don’t see the problem…”

    Customer: “The problem is that they do animal testing in China!”

    Me: “Um, this is a table.”

    Customer: “They still do animal testing!”

    Me: “Well, I assure you no animals were harmed during the building of this table.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Ironically, She Was Seeing Get Smart

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Top

    (I’m finishing a transaction with a customer at the movie theater.)

    Me: “… and would you like to make a donation to [charity] today?”

    Customer: “Well let me ask you something: do YOU donate to charity?”

    Me: “Yes, of course. I donate to this one as well as several others.”

    Customer: “Well, do YOU work for any charitable organizations?”

    Coworker: “Actually she works with the mentally handicapped and developmentally disabled 40 hours per week.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Where?”

    Coworker: “Here.”

    Customer: “I really don’t appreciate that!”

    Beauty Is Pain… Mental Pain

    | Bradenton, FL, USA | Top

    (I work in the Fragrance and Cosmetics department, and one slow night I had this phone conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I bought a lipstick earlier today and I can’t work it.”

    Me: “Um, OK. What exactly do you mean?”

    Customer: “I just…I can’t work it.”

    Me: “All right, well, some of them are packaged weird. What brand is it?”

    Customer: “Lancome.”

    Me: “Those are pretty standard, they work just like any other lipstick.”

    Customer: “But how do I work it?”

    Me: “Um, you just twist the top part in one direction, and the bottom part in the other direction.”

    Customer: “But after I do that, how do I get it back in?”

    Me: “You do the same thing, only in reverse.”

    Customer: “But there’s a hole in the top. Is this the kind I can’t carry in my purse? It would get all over everything.”

    Me: “Um, well, the lid is reusable. You can put it back on the lipstick after you twist it back down.”

    Customer: “Oh, that part can go back on. I see! How clever.”

    How About A Few Reindeer And Elves While You’re At It

    | Bakersfield, CA, US | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Country Club, this is ***. How can I help you?”

    Member: “Hi, I need to make a reservation for dinner tonight.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but due to it being Christmas Eve, the club is closing at 2 o’clock today.”

    Member: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Member: “I have never heard of any business closing early on Christmas Eve. It’s not even a holiday, for God’s sake!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am… we did send out several emails containing our holiday hours.”

    Member: “I don’t read your f***ing emails! Either way, it doesn’t matter.Wwe are coming for dinner tonight, so take the reservation for me.”

    Me: “We aren’t open for dinner tonight, so I can’t take your reservation.”

    Member: “Well, you better take the reservation, because all of my family is coming in from out of town and I told them that we would be eating at the club! We need a reservation for 15 people at 7 o’clock tonight.”

    Me: “I think we must be misunderstanding each other. There won’t be anyone here at 7 o’clock.”

    Member: “I pay my dues like everyone else, and I expect you to be open at 7 to serve us! Make the reservation!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Member: “Do it now!”

    Me: “…”

    Member: “I pay my dues!”

    Me: “Okay, I have to go now.”

    Member: “And we want a private room!”

    Me: “Good luck with that…”

    (To this day, we wonder if they showed up for dinner.)

    There Can Be Only One Insane Customer

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    (A guy comes in looking a bit haggard.)

    Me: “Hi sir! Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Let’s move to the back of the store.”

    (He takes my arm and we walk to one of the last shelves of the store.)

    Customer: “I need a book on immortality.”

    Me: “All right – we’ve got science fiction over here…”

    Customer: “No, I need to research immortality. I’m immortal. See this scar on my neck? A guy cut me a couple days ago and it’s almost healed. I’m immortal.”

    (I stare at the large cut on his neck that is laced together with stitches).

    Me: “Um, I’m not sure if we have any books like that.”

    Customer: “Well, can you buy me a sword from the store next door?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.”

    Customer: “I promise I’ll pay you back. I’ll give you my ID so you can track me down later and everything. I need a sword.”

    Me: “Really, I could get fired for that.”

    (The customer looks up and then starts sniffing the air.)

    Customer: “They’re coming. I have to go!” *runs out of the store*

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