October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Top

Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

(I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

(She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

Dreams Really Do Fall Through

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Top

(My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Girl: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “I don’t even know you.”

Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”

(She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)

Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”

(This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)

Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”

Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”

Girl: “Never mind then.”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

| California, USA | Top

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want no g**d*** Chinese serving me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Get me an American.”

Me: “Sir, I am American.”

Customer: “What?! You think I’m blind? You think I’m f***ing blind? Go back to China!”

Me: “Right, one second…”

(My coworkers hear everything from the back, so one of my white coworkers comes out.)

Customer: “Ugh, finally… an American!”

Coworker: *starts speaking Spanish*

Customer: “G**D*** IT! F*** Y’ALL, A**HOLES!” *storms out*

Disc Doctor, Not Disc Miracle Worker

| Erie, PA, USA | Top

(Our store sells a device called a Disc Doctor; it resurfaces CDs so they can be read again.)

Caller: “I bought a Disc Doctor and it isn’t working.”

Manager: “Well, I have one, and they can be difficult at times. Why don’t you tell me what you did, and I’ll try and talk you through it.”

Caller: “Okay. I sprayed it with the solution and then I put both halves in the tray–”

Manager: “Wait… did you just say ‘both halves’?”

Caller: “Yeah, both halves.”

Manager: “Yeah, that’s not going to work…”

Too Bad It Doesn’t Run On Stupidity

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

(This was before hybrid cars or electric cars were mainstream. A man called about his Lexus that just stopped working after a few days, so we had it towed back to the dealership.)

Customer: “I don’t know what happened; the car just stopped while I was driving, and almost caused an accident because of you people!”

Me: “OK, let’s take a look.”

(I couldn’t find any obvious issue, and all the free mechanics were giving the car a full once-over, trying to figure out the problem.)

Customer: “I spent tens of thousands on this car! How the he** can you sell anything that would crap out in 2 days?!”

(Just then I noticed the gas gauge was on ‘Empty’. I put a little gas in the engine and started it up.)

Customer: “What?! For that amount of money, with the technologies these days, you still need to use gas?!”

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