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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Category: Top

    Fibbing Fail

    | Denver, CO, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to return this d*** camera.”

    Me: “Sure, was it not working?”

    Customer: “I just don’t want it, okay?”

    Me: “Okay. Have you opened the box yet?”

    Customer: “Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Well, as the sticker on the box says, if the box is opened and you return it, I have to charge you a restocking fee.”

    Customer: “Oh. No… no, it hasn’t been opened.”

    (I look and the box has been clearly opened, with a torn seal.)

    Me: “Uh… are you sure it hasn’t been opened?”

    Customer: ¬†”LOOK! ARE YOU CALLING ME A F***ING LIAR? Where is your manager?¬†I spend hundreds of thousands of dollars here and this is how I’m treated?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you just–”

    Customer: “THESE PEOPLE CALL CUSTOMERS LIARS! DON’T SHOP HERE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe you! I will return it!”

    Customer: “That’s right you will!”

    Me: “Can I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “It’s in the box.”

    Who’s The Man Now

    | Boise, ID, USA | Top

    (It’s past closing time and I’ve just dealt with a rush of 3 new applications that took 15 minutes each, and am moving on to the next customer.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, these movies aren’t working. They are all scratched.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. Pick whatever you want and I’ll exchange them.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (A few minutes later, a big, flannel clad man walks in.)

    Customer’s husband: “My wife was just in here for half an hour! ”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that…” *explains situation*

    Customer’s husband: “I don’t care! You need to have more than one register open! Where is your manager?!”

    Me: “He is in the back. We were suppose to close 45 minutes ago which is why I’m the only one on the register.”

    Customer’s husband: “You idiot! I need to see him now!”

    Me: “He’ll be here… now calm down!”

    Customer’s husband: “YOU MADE MY PREGNANT WIFE STAND IN LINE FOR HALF AN HOUR!”

    Me: “Well, sir… maybe you should have been a man and came in here instead of your wife.”

    Customer’s husband: *speechless*

    (My manager had to pretend to fire me in front of him, but we later joked about him in the back room.)

    Be Careful What You Ask For

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a wheat sandwich, with everything you like in it.”

    Me: “Um, sir… you will be the one eating the sandwich, not me.”

    Customer: “I SAID I wanted a wheat sandwich with whatever YOU like in it.”

    Me: “Um… what kind of meat?”

    Customer: “Didn’t you just hear what I said? WHEAT SANDWICH WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT!”

    (I make the sandwich for the customer.)

    Customer: “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?!” *walks away*

    Coworker: “So… you like extra mustard and everything on it, especially jalapenos?”

    Me: *smiling* “I don’t like mustard, I don’t like hot stuff, and I hope he has a terrible nice time in the bathroom.”

    A Heady Proposition

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Top

    Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”

    (The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”

    Customer: “No it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”

    Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”

    (The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)

    Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”

    Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL, can’t you fix it?”

    Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”

    Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”

    Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”

    Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”

    Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”

    (Skip ahead 9 months…)

    Female customer: “Is your name ***?”

    Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

    Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*

    (I open the envelope, and sure enough there’s a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Paging Leonidas To The Front Desk

    | New York, NY, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!”

    Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.”

    Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!”

    (At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what’s going on; note that I’m the manager.)

    Me: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!”

    Me: “Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don’t have what you’re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check–”

    Customer: “F**K THAT!!! IT’S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!”

    Me: “That’s it. Get out of my store.”

    Customer: “What? NO!”

    Me: “Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.”

    Customer: “Then do it!”

    (I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)

    Me: “Now, then… you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?”

    Customer: “No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!”

    Me: *puts the customer down*

    Customer: *confused* “… What is it?”

    (I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)

    Me: “Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!” *kicks customer out of store and slams door*


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