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    Category: Top

    Fast Times At Fry Cook High

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

    Me: “… what?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

    Me: “Why?”

    Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

    Me: “Alright, then.”

    (The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

    Cook: “Yes?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

    Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

    Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

    Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

    Little girl: “Robert!”

    Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

    Little girl: “Dammitjulia!”

    (Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

    Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

    Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

    Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

    (She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

    Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

    Dreams Really Do Fall Through

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Top

    (My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Girl: “Will you marry me?”

    Me: “I don’t even know you.”

    Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”

    (She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)

    Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”

    (This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)

    Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”

    Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”

    Girl: “Never mind then.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

    | California, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want no g**d*** Chinese serving me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Get me an American.”

    Me: “Sir, I am American.”

    Customer: “What?! You think I’m blind? You think I’m f***ing blind? Go back to China!”

    Me: “Right, one second…”

    (My coworkers hear everything from the back, so one of my white coworkers comes out.)

    Customer: “Ugh, finally… an American!”

    Coworker: *starts speaking Spanish*

    Customer: “G**D*** IT! F*** Y’ALL, A**HOLES!” *storms out*

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