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    Category: Top

    He Who Eats Less, Laughs Best

    , | Evergreen, CO, USA | Top

    (While I’m working, I see this teenage girl pull up in an really nice car. With her orange spray tan and expensive clothing, I could tell it would be interesting.)

    Me: “Hey, what could I get for you today?”

    Customer: “You’re going to make me a non-fat shake with non-fat mix, non-fat milk and non-fat chocolate.

    Me: “Oh, Ok…I’ll have that done for you in just a second.”

    (Right before I start to blend the shake, she speaks up:)

    Customer: “So since you work here, do you eat a lot of ice cream?”

    Me: “Well, I suppose I eat enough to be able to recommend stuff to customers….”

    Customer: “Well, you just look like you eat a lot of ice cream. You might want to quit your job before you get too fat.”

    Me: “Thanks for that advice.”

    (While my coworker rings her up, I proceed to add 5 pumps of chocolate syrup, extra chocolate chips, and tons of extra ingredients to her shake, putting it up to a total of about 4,000 calories.)

    Customer: *taking a drink* “At least you can make a decent shake.”

    You Look Nothing Like Your Ad

    | Tennessee, USA | Top

    (A family group was checking in – one lady in the group started telling me about her husband’s recent death from cancer.)

    Customer: “…and he was all eaten up with colon cancer, and he just died.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that is really not any of my business. It seems like a very private matter….”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I’m not comfortable hearing–”

    Customer: “Are you a Christian?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I knew it! You are evil, and will burn in hell. I’ll speak to your manager in the morning!”

    Me: “Ok. That’s fine.”

    Customer: “I hope you liked your former job.”

    Me: “…”

    (The group went to their rooms. A few minutes later, one of the adult daughters came to the desk.)

    Me: “Yes, Ma’am?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “I just came down because I wanted to see what pure evil looks like.”

    Me: “…”

    This…Is…Spyware!

    , | Texas, USA | Technology, Top

    Customer: “Hi, my son says that I have spartans on my laptop and I should bring it to you guys.”

    Me: “…Ma’am? Spartans?”

    Customer: “Yes, I called my son at school and told him that screens keep popping up all the time, and he said that I have spartans.”

    Me: “Oh! You mean trojans! That’s a possibility; let me run this analyzer on your laptop real quick and we’ll see what’s going on.”

    Customer: “Young man, my son is in college and he says it has spartans. You just stand here in a little uniform and make minimum wage. I think my son knows what he is talking about.”

    Me: “You’re right ma’am. I was hoping to run a diagnostic and find out that it wasn’t spartans, but just by looking at the login screen, I can tell that you probably have about 300 of the little guys running around.”

    Customer: “300?! Is that bad?”

    Me: “It’s horrible. They cram themselves into a bottleneck and kill wave after wave of data, until there is a wall of dead programs blocking any more traffic through your computer.”

    Customer: “Oh, that just figures. I’m going to go buy a new computer.”

    Me: “Ok, ma’am, I think that would be best.”

    Normal Time Vs. Customer Time

    | Portsmouth, UK | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hello sir, can I help?”

    Customer: “I want the 20 piece bargain bucket.”

    Me: “Well, there will be a five minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the counter again.)

    Customer: “Where the f*** is my food?! I have been waiting half an hour!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We have only been open five minutes there is no way you have been waiting thirty minutes.”

    Cross-Platform Chromosomes

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I work at a video game store, and I’m one of the few female employees.)

    Customer: *hands me a 360 box* “I need this game on the PS3.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this game is actually only made for the Xbox 360 and PC.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I know I’ve seen it on the PS3!”

    Me: “No… the company that makes this game works exclusively for Microsoft. Sony doesn’t have the rights to sell this game on their consoles.”

    Customer: “Well, let me talk to one of the MALE employees. Maybe he can find this game on the PS3 for me.”

    (The customer walks over to my fellow employee.)

    Customer, to male employee: “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Can you show me where I can find the PS3 version?”

    Male employee: “Umm… she is correct. That game is made by a Microsoft owned company. It will probably never come out on the PS3 unless Microsoft decides to sell the rights to that game to Sony.”

    Customer: “That’s it! I’ve had enough! ALL I WANT IS THIS GAME ON THE PS3! IT SHOULDN’T BE THAT DIFFICULT! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    Male Employee: *points to me* “There she is.”

    Customer: “Ah!!!” *throws game on floor and storms out*


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