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    Category: Top

    Fudge In Flight

    | Manchester, UK | Top

    Customer: “This isnt a hot fudge sundae.”

    Coworker: “No, it isn’t. I’m afraid we don’t make it with hot fudge here.”

    Customer: “Then I’m not paying for it!”

    Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to. The menu states that it’s not made with hot fudge.”

    Customer: “FINE!” *throws the ice cream at my coworker*

    Coworker: *covered with ice cream* “I’m suddenly glad we don’t have hot fudge.”

    Third Time’s (Not) A Charm

    | Basingstoke, UK | Top

    (Our customers log calls in a queue, and we call them back in order of priority. This customer has a very low priority call, but is trying to jump the queue.)

    Customer: “We can’t work here. Are you sure there’s nothing you can do?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this really is a cosmetic issue. It shouldn’t get in the way of your work.”

    Customer: “Even if we manage to send chocolate to the office? I’m sure that’ll help.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but of all the agents here, you’ve picked the one that’s alergic to chocolate.”

    Customer: “D***. Well, how about a bottle of wine? Is that worth a few spots in the queue?”

    Me: “I don’t drink. I’m sorry, ma’am, it’s not your lucky day.”

    Customer: “Okay, you’ve driven me to it. I’m batting my eyelashes here! You really should see it. How about lunch next week?”

    Me: “That’s three strikes, ma’am… I think my husband would complain if I started dating girls. Sorry, I’m gay.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “You’re not making any of this up, are you?”

    Me: “We’ll have someone give you a call back when your call is next in the queue, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Elemental State Of Confusion

    | California, USA | Top

    (I had just brought a table their glasses of water before coming back to take their orders.)

    Customer: “There’s something in my water! I demand a new one right away!”

    (She holds up an ice cube in her hand to show me.)

    Me: “Oh OK, I’ll bring you one without ice.”

    Customer: “Without what?”

    Me: “Ice.”

    Customer: “Ice? Huh?”

    Me: “Um…ice cubes.”

    (She looks at me blankly.)

    Me: “The little cubes of frozen water…”

    Customer: “FROZEN WATER! That’s crazy…why is it in my glass?”

    Me: “To keep your water cold.”

    Customer: “Well, if I wanted that I would’ve ordered an iced water! Haven’t you ever been to Starbucks? That’s the way a REAL restaurant does it.”

    Me: “…”

    Every Valet’s Dream Come True

    | Lake Tahoe, CA/NV, USA | Top

    (A man pulls into the parking lot with a beautiful 1972 Rolls Royce. As a general rule, when someone comes in with a car that nice I just let them park it themselves right up front. This conversation takes place as he is leaving the restaurant.)

    Customer: “I need you to pull my car around for me.”

    Me: “I never took the keys from you.”

    Customer: “The keys are in the ignition. Please go get my car.”

    Me: “Well, if you insist…”

    (I pull the car around VERY carefully.)

    Customer: “That was completely unacceptable. I want you to drive around again, only this time when you start off, do a burnout!”

    Coworkers Uber Alles

    | Huntingdon, UK | Top

    (A young teenage girl comes up to my till and places several bottles of alcopops on it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry miss, but as you don’t look over 21 I am afraid I am going to have to ask to see some ID for these.”

    Girl: “What? I’m old enough. Obviously. Like, I never get asked for ID.”

    Me: “Well I’m afraid I still need ID.”

    Girl: “Why you being rude? I told you I am old enough.”

    (This continues for about 25 minutes until I get fed up.)

    Me: “Look, you obviously don’t have any ID so I am not going to serve you. If you want to complain you can go to customer services.”

    Girl: “Fine!”

    (Ten minutes later, my supervisor comes over.)

    Supervisor: “I just heard you got a complaint. I must say that I am very disappointed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I just lost it, I guess.”

    Supervisor: *laughs* “Oh, no. That’s fine. Just that we all had a bet on how long you would last. If only you would have lasted a little longer.”

    (A little while after this, the girl returns. She’s led by a much older man who I guess is her father. He places on my till the exact same items his daughter had.)

    Man: “Right. I want these and before you ask, here is my ID.”

    (He pulls out his driver’s license and waves it in my face, smirking to his daughter. He obviously thinks he is being really clever.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t sell you these.”

    Man: “Why the h*** not?! I’m plenty old enough!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. But it is also quite obvious that you are buying them for this girl, which means I can’t sell them to you.”

    Man: “I want to speak with your supervisor.”

    (I call my supervisor over and explain the situation. The man jumps in before she can respond.)

    Man, to supervisor: “So, what you gonna do? You gonna sell me these d*** drinks and fire that little s***?!”

    Supervisor: *calmly* “I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I will give you thirty seconds to get out or I will call the police. Buying alcohol for a minor is a criminal offense.”

    (Needless to say he left in a hurry, muttering furiously to his daughter. Sometimes, with the worst customers, you find the best coworkers.)

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