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    Category: Top

    That’s One Small Kneeprint For Man

    , | Toronto, Canada | Top

    (I was in a record store and I overheard this conversation.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a gift for my dad. He likes jazz – who do you recommend?”

    Clerk: “Well, Louis Armstrong is pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Louis Armstrong? Isn’t he the astronaut? He’s like the first guy to walk on the moon.”

    Clerk: “No, no, you’re thinking Neil.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever, the first guy to kneel on the moon.”

    Way TooOOOOH Much Information

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (Someone had left a massager in my department, and a little boy of about four found it and began to experiment with it. He held it up to his dad’s back and pushed the button; when that elicited no reaction, he held it up to his grandmother’s pelvic area and pushed the button.)

    Grandma: “OOOOOOOOH! It’s a vibrator! ”

    Little boy: *laughing* “Did it tickle?”

    Grandma: “Yes, it tickled! But put it down before you break it and your daddy has to buy it.”

    Little boy: *skips out toward main mall* “It’s a vibrator, a vibrator! I vibrated Granny!!!”

    This Quote Brought To You By The Number TWO

    | Burlington, Ontario, Canada | Top

    Customer: *on the phone* “I know you aren’t tech support, but I have an easy question.”

    Me: “Ok…”

    Customer: “How do you make the @ symbol…you know, for the email?”

    Me: “You hold the shift key and press 2.”

    Customer: “Won’t that just make a capital 2?”

    Me: “…”

    Surely, One Missed Anatomy Class Can’t Hurt…

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (A woman walks in with her daughter one afternoon.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”

    A Penny Saved Is A Penny Spurned

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Top

    (I worked at a upscale grocery store. We had recently ordered new price labels for the shelves and some of them had come in with the wrong price. We had turned these tags backwards on the shelves so that they could not be seen by the customers to prevent confusion.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, son.

    Me: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “The milk is marked a different price than this tag says.”

    Me: “I am sorry about that ma’am, those are new tags and some of them have old prices on them. If you give it to me I’ll take care of it.”

    (Customer hands me the tag, I place it on the mount backwards so it cannot be read without removing it.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “We have been placing all the incorrect tags backwards on the shelves so that when the manager does his walk around he can know which ones he needs to re-order.”

    Customer: “Well it was like that before. That’s why I turned it around.”

    Me: “Ahh… I’m sorry for the confusion. These tags are backwards because they are incorrect. The price marked on the items is the correct one.”

    Customer: “But I want the price on the tag, it’s less.”

    Me: “Ma’am there is only one cent difference.”

    Customer: “Yes, and I want it for the cheaper price.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am I am only a clerk, I can’t change the price for you. If you would like, I can get the manager.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You have to give me the cheaper price. I can’t afford to be nickel and dimed by you thieves.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I told you, I will get the manager and he can give you the discount.”

    Customer: “Good, cause I can’t afford to pay the higher price.”

    (Manager has hear the commotion and walks up behind the customer.)

    Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, is there an issue?”

    Customer: “Yes, your clerk is trying to charge me more for this than the tag says it should cost.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that tag was reversed because it was incorrect. How much is the difference so I can tell the cashier when you check out?”

    Customer: “The shelf says $2.12, but the bottle says $2.13.”

    Manager: “You called me over here over one cent? You have $400 worth of steaks in your cart, and you call me over here because you have to pay one cent extra for your milk?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (Manager hands the customer a penny and walks off.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”


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