Video Rental | Pennsylvania, USA
Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”
Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”
Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”
Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)
Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”
Customer: “JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”
Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”
Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*
Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”
Music Store | California, USA
(Two middle-aged women walk into the store)
Woman 1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”
Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”
(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand)
Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”
Woman 2: “You’re an animal.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Woman 2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”
Me: “Alright then.”
Woman 2 (to Woman 1): “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”
Home Improvement Store | USA
(I have a friend that works at a home improvement store; one day, a woman comes in looking for a generator)
Customer: “What does it mean when it says seven gallon tank?”
Employee: “Uh, it means it can hold seven gallons of gas.”
Customer: “Gas? Why would it need gas?”
Employee: “It’s a generator. How else would it produce electricity?”
Customer: “I thought you just plugged it in.”
Source
Ice Cream Shop | Florida, USA
Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”
Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”
Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”
Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”
Related:
Captain Obvious To The Rescue
Belaboring The Obvious
Tech Support | Tel Aviv, Israel
Me: “Internet helpdesk, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”
Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”
Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”
Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”
Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”
Me: *grimace*
Ice Cream Shop | Florida, USA
Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”
Customer: “…okay.”
Sandwich Shop | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only Mr. Sub has pineapple.”
Customer: “Yes you do! I always get pineapple here!”
Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”
Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”
Me: “Um…”
Customer speaks to my manager: “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”
Construction | USA
(While installing a street light pole)
Lady: “Is this going to take long?”
Me: “Ma’am, I need to you step back.”
Lady: “But is this going to take long? I need to get to my car.”
Me: “Ma’am… I need to you step back.”
Lady: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”
Me: “Ma’am… you have a 1 ton concrete pole directly over your head. If it drops, you are going to die. I need you to please step back.”
Lady: “Ok… but can I get to my car?”
Me: (I yell to my job foreman) “…Hillbilly!”
Hillbilly: “GET THE F*** OUT!”
Lady: “I never met anyone so rude.”
Source
Movie Theater Concessions | UK
Customer: “So you’re sure you don’t have any small hot dogs?”
Employee: “Yes.”
Customer: (Points to hot dog grill further down the counter) “Well what about those ones over there then??”
Employee: “No, they’re just further away.”
Computer Lab | USA
Woman 1: “What is that little trash can on the screen?”
Woman 2: “My son says that is called the ‘recycle bin’. He tells me when I don’t want a Word document anymore and I delete it, it really goes in there.”
Woman 1: “Why in the recycle thingy? Can’t you just erase it?”
Woman 2: “Oh no, Word wouldn’t work for very long if I did that, I would run out of blank pages.”
Woman 1: “Why?”
Woman 2: “Because it cleans the words off the pages, then sends the blank sheets back to Word so they can be used again. That’s why it’s called the recycle bin.”
Source
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