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    Being A Good Person Is Doctor’s Orders

    | Australia | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Top

    (One of our national TV broadcasters has a chain of stores that sell DVDs and other merchandise for the shows on their channel. I am waiting in the store in line behind an older customer.)

    Customer: “… but I don’t understand why your shop is full of this Doctor Who rubbish! It’s a waste of space! You should be selling products for good, wholesome educational shows, not this science-fiction crap! It doesn’t teach kids anything! I bet that stuff doesn’t even sell!”

    Manager: “With all due respect, ma’am, Doctor Who is one of our network’s highest-rating and most popular dramas, and while it is primarily aimed at an older audience it meets the Australian Board of Classification’s definition of a family show. Furthermore, you don’t have to watch it or purchase the merchandise if you don’t agree with it.”

    Customer: “It’s not the most popular show! Nobody even watches it! I bet the girl behind me has never even heard of it!”

    (She turns to look at me and realises I’m wearing a TARDIS T-shirt holding several pieces of ‘Doctor Who’ merchandise. Behind me in line is a mother with her five- and eight-year-old sons, buying a ‘Doctor Who’ backpack for the older one. The customer realises her argument isn’t going to work and decides to start attacking the mother.)

    Customer: “You shouldn’t let him watch that science-fiction crap! It doesn’t teach them anything!”

    (Normally I would keep my mouth shut in this situation and let the manager handle it, but I was getting so fed up that I decided to speak up.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but Doctor Who is an extremely deep and educational show with a large cult following, that teaches lessons that go far beyond the schoolyard.” *I begin to recite a speech given by a character on the show* “The Doctor taught me that you don’t just give up. You don’t just let things happen. You make a stand. You say no. You have the guts to do what’s right when everyone else just runs away.”

    (Taken aback, the customer shut her mouth, quickly pays for her things, and leaves.)

    Five-Year-Old Behind Me: “Mummy, I change my mind! I want to be like her when I grow up!”

    A Sign That It Will Be OK

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (I’ve just gotten off a really long, rough shift and decide to treat myself with some ice cream from a shop that’s just opened for the season. I order a small cone and hold out my debit card for the cashier to take while checking my phone.)

    Cashier: “Oh. Um… I’m sorry, but we don’t accept cards.”

    Me: *looking up* “Oh, really?”

    (As I look up, I see just above the cashier’s head a 2x3ft neon pink sign with large, bold letters that say, “No cards accepted. Sorry for any inconvenience”. I glance around and see no less than three more large, bright signs all saying some variation of the pink one.)

    Me: *laughing* “Oh, my god, I am so sorry. I’ve always sworn to myself I wouldn’t be one of THOSE customers, you know? Ah, golly, here, lemme run to my car and get some cash. I’m so sorry.”

    (After I pay, the girl hands me a medium cone. I’m about to go back to the counter and tell her she gave me a larger size than I wanted when I see some writing on the napkin wrapped around the cone.)

    Note On Napkin: “Thank you for not being one of THOSE customers! Here’s to summer. Hope to see you again!”

    Allergic To Common Sense

    | Norway | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Top

    (I am the store manager of a fairly new store that sells accessories aimed at women and children. It is clear to most customers that we do not sell any high-quality jewelry, only mixed-metal ones. Its a fairly quiet day and I am fixing the music system that is located behind the register. I do not hear the customer come in, which I would come to regret. Sitting on my knees, I suddenly hear a voice.)

    Customer: “Is it possible to get any help here, or are you just going to be sitting on your fat a**?”

    Me: “I am so sorry, ma’am. I was trying to fix our music system and I didn`t hear you come in. What can I do for you today?”

    (The customer does not look me in the eye during the whole conversation.)

    Customer: “Yeah, right. Well, I have a problem with your store and I demand to see the manager. NOW.”

    Me: “That would be me, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Really? You? Okay. I bought a pair of earrings here and I’m allergic so I am going to get my money back.”

    Me: “Okay, well it`s against store policy to take back earrings, due to health issues, but—”

    Customer: “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. In my 70 years on this planet I have never experienced any problems of this sort.”

    Me: “Forgive me, ma’am, but I find that hard to believe as no other store in this city will take back earrings, unless there is a problem with them.”

    Customer: “THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THEM. I am allergic!”

    Me: “There is nothing wrong with the earrings. They are the way they are supposed to be. They are made with mixed metals, which we make perfectly clear to all customers who ask about allergies. If you knew you were allergic you should have gone to the jewelry store and bought some gold or silver ones. That being said, if you’ll let me look at the receipt, I’ll see what I can do.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a receipt. Why would I have that?”

    Me: “Without a receipt there is nothing I can do. It’s the company policy. I am sorry.”

    Customer: “That`s Illegal!”

    Me: “It’s not illegal. According to the law, you are actually never entitled to any money back unless there is something clearly wrong with the product. Of course, most stores still offer exchanges of products that have not been used, against a valid receipt. But, seeing as you claim there is something wrong with the product, we should skip to that part.”

    (The customer is staring at the ceiling with her arms crossed, but still listening, so I continue.)

    Me: “If a product does not meet the qualifications that they are supposed to, you are entitled to your money back.”

    Customer: “That is what I said.”

    Me: “No. Because there is nothing wrong with the earrings. They are made with mixed-metals, just as they were meant to.”

    Customer: “But I had an allergic reaction.”

    Me: “Yes, exactly. There is something wrong with you, not the earrings. What we can do is: you give me the earrings and I will send them to the head office and they will get in touch with you, as I am not allowed to hand out money without a receipt, regardless of the situation.”

    Customer: “I don’t have them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? You don’t have the earrings?”

    Customer: “No? Why the h*** would I keep them?”

    Me: “Okay, let me get this straight. You come in here without a receipt, or any other proof of payment and demand money for a product that you can`t show me?”

    Customer: “Why is that a f****** problem?”

    Me: “Do you honestly not understand that If I allowed that, anyone could come in and claim that they bought something and get money for it without any form of proof?”

    Customer: “Do you think I am lying to you? I am offended!”

    Me: *sigh* “I am going to call the head office and ask them what to do. I need your information, please.”

    (The customer gives me her name, number, etc…)

    Me: “And when did you buy the earrings, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Sometime before Christmas.”

    Me: “So you bought them six months ago and decided to wait until now to make a complaint?”

    (The customer, still not looking me in the eye, or even in my direction, walks around the register and behind it and looks at the sign behind me.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “It’s a sign, ma’am. With our store name.”

    Customer: “Yes, but what is this? This place?”

    Me: “[Store].”

    Customer: “YES! BUT WHAT IS IT CALLED?! I am going to tell your boss that you are a disgusting human being, a rat. And you will get fired!”

    Me: “I doubt that, ma’am. They don’t fire people for being right. You have a fantastic day!”

    (The customer ran out screaming. The head office told me I was right and just laughed at this woman.)

    No Longer Being Paid To Be Nice

    | Brighton, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    Me: “It’s 10.50 pm, so last orders, please!”

    (Ten minutes later:)

    Me: “It’s 11.00 pm. That’s time at the bar now!”

    (I go about closing the bar, cleaning, sweeping, taking out the trash and cashing up. Four customers who’ve been chatting for several hours over one and a half beers and lots of glasses of tap water ignore me as I clean around them and tell them that I need to take their glasses.)

    Me: “It’s 11.45 pm. Come on. Everyone’s gone, the bar is shut, and I’m not being paid to be here any more. Will you please just go?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you’re being! Let me talk to your manager!”

    (They explain how rude I was when I asked them to leave and how I had claimed that I wasn’t being paid to be polite to them now.)

    Manager: “He’s right. We’ve been closed for nearly an hour and none of us are being paid to be here now. So get out!”

    (I thought I might have overstepped the mark but it’s good to know your manager’s got your back!)

    Must Go To A Happy-Apping Church

    | UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology, Top

    (I work for a large, nationwide cellphone retailer in their customer service call center. I’m trying to assist a customer with troubleshooting her smartphone which is doing a number of odd things.)

    Customer: “The screen freezes, applications crash, it’s going slow, and calls drop. Once the screen goes into sleep mode on a call I can’t get it to come back up, but then I can’t get it to automatically go into sleep mode otherwise. Someone else has to hang up otherwise the phone will just keep going on the call. On top of all that, the camera. OH, THE CAMERA! It will randomly take pictures! I don’t even have to have the camera up! The flash will go off and a picture appears on the screen!”

    Me: “Wow… sounds like you need a priest, not a technician.”

    Customer: *without skipping a beat* “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”

    Me: “Thank you… That made my night.”

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