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Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 3

| Maryland, USA | Top

(I’m a waitress in a coffee shop/bakery/deli located in the middle of a small town. I walk into the dining room to see the minister from the church across the street, a police officer from the station down the block, and a lawyer from the courthouse next door sitting at the counter. I’m looking at this strange sight when my boss comes up behind me.)

Boss: “So a priest, a cop, and a lawyer walk into a bar…”

Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2
Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*

That’s (Not) One Smart Cookie

, | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology, Top

(I work at a university library and we sometimes get calls about our online databases not working. 90% of the time, it’s due to cookies not being enabled.)

Me: “[Library], this is [name], how can I help you?”

Patron: “Yeah, hi, I can’t get [database] to work.”

Me: “All right, do you know if you have cookies enabled?”

Patron: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, open the internet and click on—”

(I proceed to walk her through enabling cookies. After each step, I wait for the confirming “okay” from her.)

Me: “…and that’s it! Does the page work now?”

Patron: “No.”

Me: “Did you enable the cookies?”

Patron: “No, but I did close the internet! It should work when I open it again, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We need to apply a setting.”

(I proceed to explain the process a second time, this time asking if she completed the step after each one.)

Me: “Okay, try to open the page again. Does it work?”

Patron: “No.”

Me: “Did you allow the cookies?”

Patron: “No. I closed everything.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, please click—”

Patron: “This is frustrating! It should work if I restart the internet. I need [database] for class. Why won’t it work?”

Me: “As I’ve already said, you need to enable cookies.”

(We go through this process a third time.)

Patron: “I can’t do this. I need to speak to someone else. I don’t want to talk to you anymore!”

Me: “All right, ma’am, the librarian is right here. I hope she can help. Have a nice day.”

(I happily give the phone over to my boss, who at this point is giving me the “I will kill you for making me talk to this person” glare.)

Don’t Have A Latte Faith In Self-Espression

| Virginia, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(A customer comes in around 5:00 and orders a triple shot of espresso. I start to make it for him as he watches me the whole time.)

Me: *handing him cup* “Here you go sir, your triple shot of espresso!”

Customer: “This is a triple shot of espresso?” *looks down at cup*

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s three shots of espresso.”

Customer: “Oh, so what do I put in it?”

Me: *slightly confused as to what he is asking* “That depends entirely on your preference, sir. We have creamers, milk, sugar, and add ins on the table behind you.”

Customer: “So, I should put that stuff in?”

Me: “Only if you want to.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He proceeds to go to table and add everything on the table to the triple shot. Several minutes later, the customer comes in with the drink which is filled to the brim with milk/cream.)

Customer: “You served me earlier and this isn’t a triple shot.”

Me: “I remember you, sir, and it is. I handed you the triple shot.”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t want cream or milk in it. I need you to make it again.”

Me: “Uh, sir, I’ll have to charge you again for the additional triple shot.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand. This drink is wrong! I don’t want milk in it!”

Me: “I do understand, sir, but you put in the milk yourself.”

Customer: “You said to put in the milk!”

Me: “No, sir, I said it was down to your preference. How about you explain to me what you want in the triple espresso and I’ll give you a 10% discount?”

Customer: “Fine, I want espresso and a little sugar.”

Me: “All right, sir.”

(I charge him and begin to make the drink again. This time just adding a little simple syrup, hand him drink.)

Me: “Here’s your triple espresso!”

Customer: *looks at drink, then to drink counter* “So, should I put milk in?”

Me: “Do you want milk?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then, no.”

Ready, Aim, Equality

| Texas, USA | Bigotry, Top

(Note: I work in the firearms department and am female.)

Me: “Hi! Thank you for call—”

Male Caller: “I told them to get me firearms, d*** it!”

Me: “This is the firearms department. How may I—”

Male Caller: “FIREARMS. FI-URRR-A-HARMS! Ain’t no women in guns. Mens the
only ones who can know anything ’bout my situation!”

(Unfortunately, I have become used to this and hand the phone to a nearby male coworker.)

Coworker: “Yes, sir…uh huh…well, sir for that situation you would have to talk to our ATF compliance associate. Okay…I won’t put you on hold…they are standing right here.”

(My coworker hands the phone back to me.)

Me: “Hi, ATF Compliance!”

Male Caller: *click*

Satisfaction Level: Impossible

| Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(I am the manager on duty on a Sunday afternoon when I receive a phone call from an upset lady.)

Caller: “I need to complain about my car I had there on Friday night before you closed. They didn’t fix my car!”

Me: “Did they say why not?”

Caller: “They made up something about not having a part, but I know it was because they were lazy and didn’t want to fix it!”

Me: “Well, that’s a bit unusual. My guys get paid on commission and want to do every job possible so they can make more money.”

Caller: “No! They were just being lazy! I had to take my car to the dealership on Monday and they were able to fix it right away!”

Me: “Ma’am, the dealership carries all of those parts. That’s where we get our parts from if we can’t get them from any other source. If it was late on a Friday night, the dealership was probably already closed.”

Caller: “Bull****! I am VERY upset about your poor service! I thought you were the manager! I want to know what you are going to do for me about this!”

Me: “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you to your satisfaction, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund because we didn’t charge you anything. I’d offer to fix the car at a discount, but you say it’s already been fixed. What is it you would like for me to do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Well, you know what you’re supposed to do in these cases!”

Me: “Well, normally I’d offer a discount or a refund, but neither of those would help you. Is there anything else I can offer you? I am sorry for your inconvenience.”

Caller: “I don’t want your stupid apology! I can’t believe you are refusing to help me!”

Me: “I’m not refusing, Ma’am. I just don’t know what it is you want.”

Caller: “You know what I want!! I want you to do what you’re supposed to!”

Me: “And what is that?”

Caller: “You know what you’re supposed to do! I’m going to call your corporate office and have you fired!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what it is you want, I don’t know what to do for you.”

Caller: “Don’t give me that! I’m going to have you fired!” *hangs up*