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    What Possessed You To Do That

    | North Shore, MA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Religion, Top

    (This happens while I am working at a Christian book store that also sells other “Christian” items. This particular incident involves a customer’s dissatisfaction with a child’s toy called the “Armor of God”, which includes a sword, a shield, and armor.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Hello, I would like a refund for a toy I bought my son last week called the ‘Armor of God’.”

    Me: “I can help you with that. Can I please have the order number?”

    Caller: “Yes, the order number is ########.”

    Me: “Now, was the item defective or damaged in any way, or are you simply dissatisfied with the product?”

    Caller: “The toy is possessed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Caller: “The moment my son put on the armor he started screaming and running around attacking everything with the sword. The toy is possessed and I want a full refund. Frankly I’m shocked that a store advertising Christian products would sell something like this!”

    Me: “Okay, well, if you box up the items, I can send you a return shipping label. When the toy arrives at our warehouse you will receive a full refund.”

    Caller: “You want it back?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund unless the item is returned.”

    Caller: “I’m afraid that’s impossible.”

    Me: “Has the toy been damaged in some way?”

    Caller: “No, I buried it.”

    Me: “What?”

    Caller: “It was possessed by a demon, so I buried it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but if that’s the case, I’m afraid I cannot give you a refund.”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, you buried the toy in the ground. You’re refusing to return it and the toy is ruined anyway. Per company policy, I cannot give you a refund.”

    Caller: “Are you serious? First, you sell me a possessed toy, putting my family in danger, and now you refuse to give me my money back? I demand to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am, but first have you considered that possibly the toy isn’t possessed and that your son was just play fighting?”

    Caller: “How dare you! Do you think I don’t know the difference? Do you think I’m lying? My son has never acted this way before. The toy is possessed and I am owed a refund. I demand to speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

    Me: “Let me place you on hold while I transfer you to my supervisor…”

    Don’t Mess With Gamer Chicks

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (A very busty, bubbly young woman comes in to buy a pre-owned copy of Resident Evil 4.)

    Woman: “My stupid ex-boyfriend took all my games when he moved out! He doesn’t even like Resident Evil!”

    Me: “Wow, that sucks.”

    Woman: “It’s fine. I hooked up with his brother. I don’t start s***, I end it. Mess with my games and it is ON.”

    Me: *laughing*

    (I ended up giving her a discount.)

    Used And Abused

    | Canada | Bizarre, Top

    (I work as a cashier at a well known retail store. Sometimes we get customers who take “customer is always right” to a whole new level.)

    Me: “So, how did you find everything today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Terrible. I would like to return this bra I purchased recently. It just doesn’t fit right.”

    Me: “Alright then, I just need your receipt and the item.”

    (The customer hands items over and I look over the receipt. Note, our company has a quite a long term for returns and exchanges, but this customer is way past that point.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am, I’m sorry but you’ve exceeded our 90 day returns and exchange policy. I cannot give you a refund for this item.”

    Customer: *outraged* “What?! I bought this just last week! You people sized me wrong! It doesn’t fit me and I refuse to wear a bra that doesn’t fit me properly! I am the customer and you have to do what I say!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can give you a store credit for it. I just need to examine the bra.”

    (I take out the clearly used bra and look it over.)

    Me: “Okay, if you can just give me a second, I need my manager to verify this for me.”

    Customer: “If you must.”

    (I go get my manager and tell her the situation. Normally we do not accept refunds on items that have been used, especially if they are past the 90 days term.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept this item to be returned. It’s clearly been worn and it’s certainly past your exchange and return period.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Did she tell you that? She’s lying. I bought this last week and I never wore it! It doesn’t fit right! I am the customer! Do as I say or I’ll have my lawyer come in and have you both prostituted!”

    Parenting The Parents

    | Minnesota, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a 17 year old girl working at a boy scout camp. It is close to the end of the summer and I’ve gotten very used to encounters like these. The camp has motorized canoes on the river because the boys are generally too weak to row upstream. Some dads tend to abuse the canoes. This particular dad was very obnoxious.)

    Dad: *jumps into canoe*

    Me: “Uh, sir, we actually need to go over safety rules before you guys can start with the canoes, okay?”

    Dad: *blank stare*

    Me: “So…I’ll have to ask you to get out of the canoe.”

    Dad: *blank stare*

    Me: *more sternly* “Sir! I really need you to get out now so we can get started.”

    Dad: “No! You can’t tell me what to do! Do you think I don’t know how to use a canoe?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure you are very experienced with canoes, but some boys aren’t, so we just want to make sure everyone knows the ground rules.”

    Dad: “Do you know who I am? You can’t talk to me like this! Who do you think you are to talk to me like this? Do you know who I am? I have the power to fire your a**!”

    Coworker: “Whoa, hey, calm down. You don’t need to talk to her like that. She’s just doing her job.”

    Dad: “She works here?! So she like gets…paid and stuff?”

    Me: “Yes, I get paid and stuff.”

    Dad: “But you’re a girl!”

    Me: “Yes, I am a girl.”

    Dad: “At a boy scout camp! This is just wrong! You can’t work here! Who hired you? What sick freak would hire a girl to do a man’s job?!”

    (I begin writing names and numbers on a piece of paper.)

    Me: “Okay, well if you’d like to complain to my supervisor, here’s her number. Otherwise you can talk to the camp director; her name is Elizabeth.”

    Dad: *storms off*

    (Later, I find out that this same dad attempted to pop a wheelie in the canoe and was put on our “do not canoe” list.)

    Non Sequitur, Part 2

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

    Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

    (The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

    Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”


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