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    More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 6

    | Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Top

    (I’m helping a customer in her early teens.)

    Customer: “Hey, I’m trying to find a game for my boyfriend. Could you help me?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure. What sort of—”

    Customer: “Oh, the guy on this is hot! What’s this like?”

    Me: “Oh, that’s the new Castlevania game. Basically, it’s about killing vampires and werewolves.”

    Customer: “What!?! Why would anyone buy this?! Vampires and werewolves are cool and hot! You make me sick selling this! Haven’t you ever seen Twilight!? Vampires are like people!” *runs out of the shop with tears in her eyes*

    Me: “I feel so sorry for her boyfriend.”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    1 Part Bleach To 100 Parts Stupidity

    | Avondale, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    Me: “How are you today? I’m told you needed help with fish?”

    Customer: “Yeah, all my fish died after I cleaned my tank yesterday. My husband says that it may have had to do with me using bleach, but I told him he was wrong.”

    Me: “Well, actually he is right. Bleach leaves residue on the glass. Even after rinsing it, that can kill the fish.”

    Customer: “But I didn’t even rinse it.”

    Me: “What did you do, then?”

    Customer: “I just added it to the water. How could that kill them?”

    Size Matters, Part 6

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (A lady and her daughter walk in.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Daughter: “Can I have the waffle cone with a scoop of coconut ice cream?”

    Me: “Yeah, sure. Here you go.” *hands over ice cream*

    Customer: “What sizes do you have for snow cones?”

    Me: “I have a $2 cup and a $2.50 cup.” *shows her sizes*

    Customer: “Do you have a $1.50 cup?”

    Me: “No, I have $2 and $2.50.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have one exactly like my daughter’s.”

    Me: “A $2 coconut waffle cone?”

    Customer: “No, I want it in a cup…and make it strawberry.”

    Me: “So, not exactly like hers.”

    Customer: “No, I guess not. Wait…never mind. I’ll have a small snow cone.”

    Me: “Okay, what flavor?”

    Customer: “I’ll have the strawberry.”

    Me: “Okay. There you go.” *hands over the small strawberry snow cone*

    Customer: “Oh, you made it small? When I said small, I meant big! I thought you would understand.”

    Me: “No. You said small, so I gave you small.”

    Customer: “Well, I wanted the large one, but it’s okay. It was your mistake.”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    Shocking Mystery Solved

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the call center of a public library. Occasionally, we get strange callers just because it is free and we are required to talk to them.)

    Caller: “You need to help me! The Mormons are giving electric shocks to my genitals through my windows!”

    Me: “Um, this is a library, I’m not sure what—”

    Caller: “You have to help me! I called the police but they won’t help me. They say I’m crazy. It’s the Mormons! They keep shocking my genitals!”

    Me: “Well, uh, let me put you on hold for a second.”

    (I put her on hold and call out the situation to the other librarians in the call center. One of them happens to be Mormon.)

    Me: “I have a caller who claims Mormons are shocking her genitals through her windows.”

    Mormon coworker: “We are.”

    We’ll Need A Mop To Soak Up All The Bigotry

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Bigotry, Top

    (I am doing a product demonstration show and I decide to do a character because it makes the job go by fast and it’s more fun. While doing a demonstration in my “Getting Married” character, an old woman in her late 80s takes a mop from me. As she’s about to buy it, she asks me a few questions.)

    Customer: “So, you’re getting married? Oh, that’s lovely. What’s your fella like?”

    Me: “Julia is a girl and she is the love of my life. We’re getting married in November.”

    Customer: “A girl? You’re a dy**?”

    Me: “I prefer lesbian, but yes, I am.”

    Customer: “A DY** SOLD ME A MOP!”

    (The woman proceeds to toss the mop at me and then go get a manager.)

    Customer: “Did you know that you have a dy** working here?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I don’t think she appreciates you calling her that.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want a God d*** dy** selling me things that I need. I can’t take them if she sells it to me.”

    Manager: “Why don’t I get one of my associates to ring you through?”

    Customer: “I’d like that very much.”

    (The manager runs her through, but gives me a $50 gift card to our store. Thank you, prejudiced old woman. I got really nice sheets.)


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