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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Top

    My Head Megahertz

    , | Henderson, NV, USA | Technology, Top

    Customer: “I need a new laptop. I want one better than the one I have. I want to spend no more than 600 dollars.”

    (After finding out that he has a machine running Windows 98 with 512 MB of RAM and 60 GB of hard drive space, I provide him several different laptop choices within his price range. They have either 3 GB or 4 GB of RAM, running Windows 7.)

    Customer: “No, no, no! I said better! I have 512 memory, but you keep recommending only 3 and 4! Also, 7 is way lower than 98! Get me someone who knows what I mean by better!”

    Time To Sing Jailhouse Rock

    | Saskatchewan, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top

    (My primary job is delivering pizzas, but I’m also the lead vocalist in a metal band that’s popular in the local area. We’re not well known much further than that. We recently played a show where we also sold a small amount of merchandise.)

    Me: *handing pizzas to customer* “That’ll be $35.”

    (The customer hands me the money. I notice that he’s wearing a hoodie with our band’s name and logo on it.)

    Me: “Nice hoodie!”

    Customer: “Yeah, man! I was at the show last weekend.”

    Me: “Awesome, how’d you like it?”

    Customer: “They’re wicked, man! I feel kinda bad for taking this hoodie right of off the wall.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Were you there, too?”

    Me: “Yes, I was the one holding the microphone.”

    The Terrors Of Terminology

    | Guildford, Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (People have all sorts of names for the sides, or temples, of spectacle frames. I have heard them called “legs”, “props”, “wings”, and “crutches”, among other things. A very strident woman marches into our practice with her teenage daughter in tow.)

    Customer: *loudly* “I want you to spread my daughter’s legs. They won’t go behind her ears.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer’s daughter: *speechless and cringing with embarrassment*

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    An Invitation Nonetheless

    , | Jacksonburg, OH, USA | Top

    Me: “911, what is your emergency?”

    Caller: “I’m a bad, bad boy.”

    Me: “Yes, you are. I have a squad car en route to your location. Have a good day, sir.”

    It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber

    | Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work as a nurse in hospital in Illinois. Keep in mind where quite busy at the moment. A woman rushes up to me dragging a preteen girl behind her.)

    Woman: “Help! Please help! My daughter needs a vaccine!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I need to know what the vaccine is for. Do you have an appointment?”

    Woman: “No! I don’t have any appointment! My daughter has a fever!”

    Daughter: “Mom! I don’t have a fever!”

    Woman: *still looking at me* “Her aunt told me she has it! The Heever Fever!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you trying to say ‘Bieber Fever’?”

    Woman: “Yes! That!”

    Daughter: “Mom! You’re embarrassing me!”


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