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    She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2

    | Brisbane, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top, Underaged

    (I work in a well-known alcohol retailer. There are a number of signs that state in large, bold print that it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors all over the store. Also, for our store there is no “the customer is always right” rule when dealing with alcohol: the law takes precedence. Anyway, I’m preparing to close the store when a woman rushes in).

    Customer: “Thank f*** you’re still open! I need a present for my daughter’s 16th birthday. She loves bourbon. What do you recommend?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say “16th” birthday? Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but it is illegal to purchase alcohol for minors. I cannot serve you, and I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

    Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? She’s my daughter. I can buy her booze if I want to!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid not. As these signs quite clearly state, it is illegal to purchase or supply alcohol to a minor. This does not make a distinction as to whether you’re a parent or not. Truth be told, as a parent, you should know better.”

    Customer: “She’s my f***ing daughter and I’ll buy her f***ing alcohol if I f***ing want to! Now shut the f*** up and do your job!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am doing my job. Obeying the law is a very big part of my job, as [corporation name] takes a very dim view of staff members who breach the responsible service of alcohol laws. Now please leave my store.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU THEN! I’m not buying the booze for her. I’m buying it for me! Now f*** you and sell it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am…you’ve already told me it’s for her. I’m not selling you anything. What you’re asking me, a complete stranger, to do is break a Federal Law and put myself at risk of over $90,000 in fines, the loss of my job and never being able to work anywhere that sells alcohol again. I’m not willing to do that for my family, so why would I do that for a rude customer?”

    Customer: “Who the f*** do you think you are to say no to me? Do you know who I am?!”

    Me: “Someone who has absolutely no care for the law, her children or their well-being, and had better get the f*** out of my store right now before I physically throw you out and call the police?”

    Customer: *shuts up and flees*

    Related:
    He Fought The Law, And The Law Won
    She Fought The Law, And The Law Won

    More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7

    , | Oregon, USA | Holidays, Top

    (I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

    Teenage girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”

    Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious…it’s so rare we get fresh victims…”

    Teenage girls: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”

    Me: “Your neck…it’s so…inviting—”

    Teenage girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    This Car Is Past Its Break-in Period

    | New Jersey, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer in a used car dealership looking to trade in my car. Another customer has been looking at my car for a few minutes.)

    Customer, to salesman: “Can I test drive that green Saturn at the end of the lot?”

    Salesman: “That’s a customer’s car. We don’t own it.”

    Customer: “Okay. Can I test drive it?”

    Salesman: “No.”

    (I’m standing close by, laughing at the whole conversation, when my dad comes to tell me he found a nice car in my price-range, so we go to look at it. Five minutes later, I go back to my car to see the same woman trying to pry the window down.)

    Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Customer: “I want to test drive this car, but the salesman refuses to give me the keys!”

    Me: “That’s my car. I own it.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought he was just saying that to spite me.”

    Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free

    | Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)

    Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ‘em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”

    Me: *stares wide-eyed*

    Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*

    Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”

    Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”

    Option Overload

    | Ontario, Canada | Top

    (We’ve been experiencing an increase in calls about things customers can do on their own on our website. This results in longer wait times for customers with issues that can only be resolved by speaking with someone at the call center. Because of this, we’ve been told to promote self-serve options on our website at the beginning of each call.)

    Me: “Okay, and while we’re waiting for your account to load up, I’d just like to take this time to let you know about the self serve options on our website. You can review your invoice, make a payment, and even cancel or activate features or change your phone number.”

    Customer: “Listen, lady, I don’t want a lecture on what I can do myself. I want you to do as I tell you to. That’s what customer service is. If I wanted to do it myself, I would.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to imply that you had to do those things online. Lots of customers just aren’t aware of the options available online, so they end up waiting on hold for a representative when they don’t need to.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!”

    Me: “I didn’t mean to. I was just explaining why I had mentioned our website.”

    Customer: “Stop talking about our website!”

    Me: “I-I’m sorry, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, apparently you can’t! You want me to do all the work myself!”

    Me: “No, that’s not what I want at all. I was just letting you know—”

    Customer: “I want you to apologize.”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “I want you to say you’re sorry for telling me about the website.”

    Me: “Believe me, sir, I am sorry I ever mentioned it.”

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