Category: Top

Should’ve Ripped You A New One

, | Birmingham, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a really nice Country Club on the golf course side of things. Since it is a nice club, it isn’t unusual to get fairly large tips every once in a while.)

Me: “Hey mister, could you break a hundred for me so we split tips tonight?”

Member: *clearly inebriated* “Sure, man, I can totally break that hundred for you!”

(I hand him the hundred dollar bill which he then proceeds to rip in half and then hand back to me.)

Member: “There! I broke it for you.” *walks off laughing with his friends*

Other Member: “Man, what an a**hole. Here’s another hundred for the ripped one. I appreciate y’all.”

(I took the ripped hundred to the bank and they replaced it. I tried to give the other hundred back, but the member refused and said we earned it!)

Ph.Duh, Part 2

, | Grand Rapids, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Top

(I work at the college IT department. One day, I get a phone call from a professor.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the help desk. How may we help you?”

Professor: “My computer is making a beeping sound. I can’t get it to stop. Can you send someone to fix it?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right over.”

(I arrive at the professor’s office.)

Professor: “I don’t understand why it is doing this. It has never done this before.”

(I notice a rather large book on top of his keyboard.)

Me: “Sir, you can’t leave objects on top of your keyboard. That is what causes the beeping.”

(I remove the book.)

Professor: *embarrassed* “Oh.”

(This professor is the department chair of the Computer Science division of the college. He has a Ph.D in Computer Science.)

Related:
Ph.Duh

Together And Equal

| Billings, MT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(I am a cashier. Sometimes people will go through a checkout line sharing a cart. Two middle-aged women come through the line.)

Me: *pointing at their purchases* “Are you two together?”

(Woman #1 looks lovingly into Woman #2’s eyes and holds her hands.)

Woman #1: “Yes, we are…”

Woman #2: “Honey, I think she meant if we’re buying all this together.”

Woman #1: “Oh. No, we’re separate. Two transactions, please!”

Just Gender Role With It

| New Berlin, WI, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I work in a gas station and am the only female employee that works the second shift on a regular basis. I have very short hair and am often mistaken for male if customers aren’t paying attention. Sometimes, it is a great source of amusement for me because it seems to bother them more than it bothers me. One early evening, a customer comes in with her little girl who is probably about 4.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, just this and…” *to her daughter* “Did you find the candy you want, sweetie?”

(I notice now that the little girl is giving me a horrified look as if I have just told her there is no Santa.)

Customer’s Daughter: *starts pulling on her mother’s shirt* “Mommy! Mommy! Is that a boy or a girl?”

(The mother ignores her, but the little girl continues to ask and gets progressively louder each time. I am finishing running her credit card and hand her the receipt. At the top of every receipt is the name of the cashier. The woman picks up her daughter who is now glaring at me and finally answers her after reading my obviously female name.)

Customer’s Daughter: *now yelling so loud everyone in the store can hear* “MOMMY!!! IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?!”

Customer: “Shh! She’s a girl, sweetie. Now hush.”

(I’m trying very hard not to laugh, as everyone in the store is now staring.)

Me: “Mystery solved! Have a good—”

Customer’s Daughter: *shrieking* “WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH SHORT HAIR?!”

Customer: *turning six shades of red* “Because some women just like their hair to be short.”

(The customer’s daughter turns to me and points accusingly.)

Customer’s Daughter: “YOU! You shouldn’t have such short hair! Girls have long hair! DUH!”

(After the woman has left with her boisterous, opinionated child in tow, a regular customer comes to my register.)

Regular: *jokingly* “Well, hello again, young man! Having a good evening?”

Self Disservice

| Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(I am a customer heading for the bathroom at a store. A woman storms out of the lady’s room. It looks like she’s trying hard to keep her hands in the air and not touch anything as she marches up to an employee.)

Customer: “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting in there!? Why hasn’t anyone come in?”

Employee: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The sign in there says ‘Employees must wash hands’! I’ve been waiting in there for fifteen minutes for someone to wash my hands!”

Page 179/361First...177178179180181...Last