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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Category: Top

    Try Adobe HeathenShop

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Religion, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this converter works?”

    Me: “Let me see. It looks like you put your old photo negatives into it and it converts them to digital images.”

    Customer: “So, it doesn’t make them Christians?”

    Me: “Uh…what? Who?”

    Customer: “It says it’s a “converter”. So, does it make the people in the pictures turn from devil worshippers into Christians?”

    Me: *stunned* “No…No, it doesn’t do anything like that. It takes old negative strips from film cameras and converts them into digital images.”

    Customer: “So, it won’t make them Christian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “What a useless piece of crap that is, then!”

    Redress Address For Mistress Distress

    | Wisconsin, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

    Customer: “I’m canceling my credit card. You stupid idiots sent a statement to the wrong house!”

    Me: “I do apologize if we sent your statement to the wrong address, but if you’d like, we can correct the address on file so that you can get your statements. What address would you like to receive them at?”

    Customer: “No, you don’t get it. I am CANCELING! This was supposed to be a joint account with my boyfriend, but you f***ing idiots sent the statement to my boyfriend’s house because that was the address he signed up with. It’s your fault that his WIFE found it!”

    Employee Of The Century

    | Little Rock, AR, USA | Top

    (I’m a customer at the checkout stand of a grocery store. I overhear the following conversation between a manager and an employee.)

    Manager: “We’re giving you a raise, from $7.25 to $8.25.”

    Employee: “Since when is what I do suddenly worth a dollar an hour more?!”

    Manager: “Since you’ve been here 3 years, you’ve never taken a sick day, never taken vacation, and never been late. Heck, you haven’t even taken a holiday off!”

    Employee: “Your point? That’s expected of me. Required of me. I don’t know why that’s worth that much more.”

    Manager: “So…you don’t want the money. I don’t understand.”

    Employee: “No. I don’t think it’s right. I’ve been doing the same thing, 40 hours a week, every week.”

    Manager: “What about a promotion? Assistant Manager?”

    Employee: “Why? I’m perfectly happy here where I am at.”

    (The manager stands there, completely shocked and in total disbelief.)

    Employee: “Seriously…” *randomly points at another employee* “…I’d give it to him. ”

    Manager: “Alright.”

    (The manager calls the other employee in, gives him the promotion and the raise. The other employee hasn’t been there 8 months, but of course promptly accepts and is dismissed by the manager.)

    Employee: “May I get back to sweeping now?”

    Manager: “Yeah. Sure, whatever…”

    We Prefer Hipsters Over Hellcats

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer comes over to the small cosmetic service station that I am posted at. All the while, she’s talking on her phone and sounds quite upset.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: *to phone* “Sorry, got go.” *hangs up*

    Me: “Ma’am—”

    Customer: “SHUT UP YOU, D*** HIPSTER!”

    (Note: I’m wearing prescription Ray Bans and have a eyebrow piercing.)

    Me: “Uhm—”

    Customer: “You heard me the first time! Not another word! You probably don’t even need those glasses!”

    (Without warning, the customer rips the glasses from my face. She throws them on the ground, shattering the lenses.)

    Me: “Oh my God!”

    Customer: “Look! You are fine!”

    (My coworker comes over to see what all the commotion is about.)

    Coworker: “What is going on?”

    Customer: “This b**** was trying to look like a hipster!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, she actually needed those to see. Now get out before I call security!”

    Customer: “F*** you! F***ing hipsters taking over!”

    (Enraged, the customer grabs a makeup display, tips it over, and starts throwing around items from a nearby shelf. Security rushes over and takes her out of the store while she screams profanities. The total damage cost is over $200 worth of products, not including my glasses.)

    Egg On Your Face

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

    Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

    Kid: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You’re not 17.”

    Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

    Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

    (The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

    Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

    Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

    Kid: “She’s lying!”

    Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

    Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

    Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

    Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

    Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

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