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    Take It Or Leave It

    | Canada | Top

    (When I do nails, I am required to ask the customer if they like the nail design after doing the first nail before moving onto the rest. This particular customer says she is satisfied. However, when I’m about to finish the last one, she complains.)

    Customer: “Ugh, this is just so ugly. I can’t believe you’re making me pay for this. I refuse to pay for something so ugly.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I asked you if you were okay with the design after I attached the first. Why didn’t you say that you didn’t like it then?”

    Customer: “Well, I thought I would like it once they were all on, but this is just too hideous!”

    Store owner: *walks over and starts removing the fake nails*

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Store owner: “You said you didn’t like it and that you refuse to pay for it. We can’t let you walk out of the store with something you didn’t pay for.”

    Customer: “I was just joking! I was going to pay for it! I’ll pay for it!”

    Store owner: “No. You said you didn’t like it and that you thought it was hideous. We can’t let you leave the store with something we can’t be proud of.”

    (The store owner was completely serious: she removed every single one of the fake nails I attached before the customer could leave.)

    Sweets From A Sweetie

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It is my 18th birthday. My manager has tied a “Happy Birthday” balloon to my register. One customer is asking about it.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

    Me: “Well, sir, it’s my birthday.”

    Customer: “Your birthday?! As in, the day you were born?!”

    Me: “Yes, sir!”

    Customer: *grabs a fist full of candy bars to add to his purchases* “These are for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

    When Push Comes To Shove

    | Christiana, DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a security guard at a major retailer in the mall. One of my duties is to pre-lock our store at the end of the night. We leave the middle door unlocked for customers to exit while locking the side doors. While finishing my lock up, a customer runs up and tries to exit the store.)

    Customer: “You’re not locking me in here! You’re not even closed yet!”

    Me: “Sir, we only pre-lock. If you just—”

    Customer: “No, you are a worthless, fake mall cop. Did you even graduate high school? Now, let me out!” *keeps pulling on the door*

    Me: “Sir, you just need to—”

    Customer: “I said, open the door! I want your manager!”

    Me: “No problem, sir.” *calls store manager*

    Manager: *comes up on the scene* “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “He won’t let me out of the building. I am a paying customer and I demand to be let out.”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What is the problem?”

    Me: “He was trying to pull open a push door.”

    Customer: *pushes open the door* “Oh, I erm, uh…” *leaves sheepishly*

    How To Show-Up A Show-Off

    | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Top

    (Note: I’m a male customer at a coffee shop. I’m standing in line behind an obnoxious man and a beautiful blonde woman he’s unsuccessfully trying to chat up. The server is a young girl who appears to be new at her job.)

    Man: “Excuse me! I ordered a non-fat, non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino! This isn’t non-fat, and there’s no whip cream on it.”

    Barista: “I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll remake it immediately.”

    Man, to the blonde woman: “What is up with these guys!? They screw everything up.”

    Barista: “Here’s your drink sir. I hope this one is up to standard.”

    Man: “What are you, f***ing retarded?! This is a plain mocha frappuccino! I wanted an orange chip mocha frappuccino! Get it f***ing right!”

    (The barista remakes his drink again, but is clearly on the verge of tears.)

    Man: “Oh my God, you people need to learn to speak English! I said non-fat. Don’t tell me it is non-fat, because I can taste—”

    (At this point, the blonde woman decides she’s had enough of the man and interrupts him.)

    Blonde woman: *in a strong Irish accent* “WILL YOU STOP BEING A JERK FOR FIVE F***ING MINUTES?! The girl has made the d*** coffee perfectly this time—I watched her! And, even if she hasn’t, she’s young and clearly new at her job. It’s a f***ing coffee! Cut her some slack!”

    Man: “Excuse me, but I want what I asked for! I don’t see why that’s so hard!”

    Blonde woman: “She probably looked at you, assumed you were a man, and was therefore completely confused by your non-fat non-sugar orange mocha chip frappuccino order. Real men drink real coffee, and they don’t bully teenage girls until they cry. Now, can you please stop being an almighty dickhead, and just f*** off?!”

    (Everyone in the coffee shop claps, and the man leaves, embarrassed. I paid for the blonde woman’s coffee, and found out she is from the same part of Ireland as me. One thing led to another, and I asked her to marry me this Christmas. She said yes!)

    Paint Me A Misogynist

    | Mesa, AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I work in the hardware department of a large retail store. Part of my duties entail mixing paint. A customer approaches my male coworker, who doesn’t know how to use the paint machine. He points the customer in my direction and the following conversation ensues.)

    Customer: “What? Her? But she’s a woman!”

    Me: “I can help you, sir. Don’t worry. I have lots of experience in tinting paint.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Who taught you how to do that? How on Earth did you get this job?”

    (The paint machine requires that we use a specific base for each color depending on the amount of tint that needs to be used. I need light base, but the customer hands me a can of medium base. I go to replace it.)

    Customer: “What are you doing? I gave you medium base. It’s a medium color. I don’t think you know what you’re doing.”

    Me: “I assure you, I do. The process is all computerized. I need a light base.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager. You can’t do this right.”

    Me: “Trust me, just let me mix the paint before I get him. He’s likely busy.”

    (I proceed to mix the paint. It turns out perfectly.)

    Customer: *slinks off, defeated*


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