Category: Top

You Attitude Is Just Peachy

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

Customer: “Excuse me. How much are your peaches?”

Me: “We don’t have peaches at the moment, ma’am, sorry.”

Customer: “Yes, you do.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Do you mean the nectarines? They’re 5.99 a kilo.”

Customer: *snaps* “I know what nectarines look like, missy.”

Me: “All right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate that, but peaches aren’t in season right now. There are none around. Sorry.”

Customer: “Does your boss know you talk to people like this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe if you show me what you’re talking about, then I can help you.”

Customer: “The peaches! I want to know how much the peaches are! It’s a simple question!”

Me: “Ma’am, there are no peaches in this store. Just…please show me what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “FINE.”

(The customer takes me to the store front and points at a display.)

Customer: “THESE!”

Me: “Those are mangoes.”

Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid

| AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a pool as a lifeguard. We always have problems with children running, even though it is the number one rule at the pool to walk on deck.)

Child: *runs across deck*

Me: “Walk please.”

(Five minutes later, the same child runs the other way.)

Me: “WALK!”

(Five minutes later, the child runs in front of me. I stop the child to make sure she understands me.)

Me: “You need to walk, okay? If I need to ask you again, I will sit you out for three minutes.”

(The child walks away and gets back into the pool. The mother approaches me.)

Parent: “She’s not running. She just walks on her tip toes.”

Me: “It’s not the manner of her movement. It’s the speed she’s moving.”

Parent: “But she’s not running.”

(Her child runs past again.)

Me: “WALK!”

Parent: “But she’s not run—”

Child: *slips and falls*

See Food Can Be A Hard Shell

| Bensalem, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(Our store is advertising a big sale on lobsters. By the middle of the day, we’ve run out of them. After that, this exchange happens with at least 3 different customers.)

Customer: “I’d like two lobsters, please.”

Me: “Sorry, we’re actually out of lobsters.”

Customer: “Well, what about those?” *points to the tank*

Me: “Those are rocks.”

Time To Start Screening Customers

| USA | Extra Stupid, Top

(A customer slams a bottle of sunblock on the counter.)

Customer: “This is worthless! I can’t believe you sell this!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.” *examines the empty bottle* “But this is the highest protection factor we have.”

Customer: “Well, it’s crap! I want a refund!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t refund an empty bottle; it’s store policy.”

Customer: “Well, what do you expect?! I have two large windows!”

Parlez-vous Douchebag

| Ontario, Canada | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

(A customer comes in with his young son.)

Customer, to his son: *speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”

Child: “Okay.”

Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”

Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”

Child: “What does he do?”

Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”

(The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)

Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”

Customer: *speechless*

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