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    Even The Bank Of Dad Has Gone Under

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (A dad and his three kids who are all around 7 or 8 years old is my checkout line. He is buying four six packs of tall cans of liquor.)

    Me: “That will be $26.”

    Dad: “Okay.” *pulls money out of his pockets* “Shoot, I only have $20.”

    (He turns to one of his kids.)

    Dad: “Yo, lend me six bucks.”

    Kid: “S***, get your own money!”

    Dad: “Come on, I just need six more dollars.”

    Kid: F*** you.”

    Dad: “Hey, come on! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”

    Kid: *hands him some money and mumbles* “Broke a** motherf***er.”

    We Can See Through Your Whine

    | Margarita, Venezuela | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Evening! Welcome to [restaurant]. How can I serve you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t see the Californian wine in the menu.”

    Me: “That’s because we don’t have it, miss.”

    Customer: “And why is that, exactly? I am a wine lover. The Californian wine is the very best and I only drink the very best.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, because the Californian wine has a very low demand in this country, it is extremely hard to find. We have Chilean and Argentinian wine, if you like.”

    Customer: “All right. I guess i’ll have to adjust to your low standards. Give me a bottle of the Chilean.”

    Me: “All right, miss. Would you have Cabernet, Malbec, or Carmenerè?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any of that! I just want red wine! Is it so hard to understand that?

    Me: “All right, ma’am, I’ll bring you the Cabernet then.”

    Customer: “I said I don’t want that? I only want red wine! Please get me the manager!”

    Your Complaints Are On Thin Ice

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (Our location has two entrances, one of which is closed because of unsafe conditions on the adjacent sidewalk due to a recent snowstorm. A woman approaches me as I’m shelving books.)

    Patron: “Hi. You look like who I need to complain to.”

    Me: “Okay. What seems to be the problem?”

    Patron: “These conditions are unacceptable. I had to walk another block just to get in here. All because you and your employees are too lazy to pick up a shovel and clear that sidewalk.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have the say as to whether that sidewalk is open or not. The city made that decision yesterday for safety reasons.”

    Patron: “I should have known when I saw you that you weren’t going to help me. You have that kind of face.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (At this point, another patrons steps in at my defense.)

    Another Patron: “Excuse me, miss, I hope that you’re not referring to the sidewalk on [street]. My name is [name]. I’m a civil engineer for the city and I can assure that, given the water main rupture and the three feet of frozen ice/slush, it’s going to take an extensive amount of labor to clear and fix that sidewalk. Furthermore, I find it incredibly insensitive that you would complain about this inconvenience to you when, just the other day, a poor boy slipped and fell and broke both legs on that very sidewalk.”

    Patron: *dumbfounded* “Well, I didn’t…” *walks away*

    Less Is More, More Or Less

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Top

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I have two coupons here. One is a large pizza, four sodas, and 70 tokens for $29.99. The other is for a large pizza, four sodas, wings, and 110 tokens for $29.99. Which one is better?”

    Me: “Well, I’d personally go with the second one. It’s the same price, plus you get an extra order of wings and 40 more tokens.”

    Customer: “You’re just trying to get more money off of me, so you picked the worse deal. I’ll take the first coupon, idiot!”

    Somebody Took An Evolutionary Detour

    | RestaurantUK | Food & Drink, Top

    (The waitress is trying to take our orders when a customer from the next table rudely interrupts.)

    Customer: *interrupting* “Is the fish suitable for vegetarians?”

    Waitress: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The fish. Is it suitable for vegetarians?”

    Waitress: *very politely* “No, it’s meat.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t say that there’s any meat. It says fish and chips and peas.”

    Waitress: “The fish is meat.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. Only mammals have meat, like cows and chickens.”

    Me: “Chickens aren’t mammals.”

    Customer: “Of course they are; they have meat! Honestly, don’t you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else’s conversation?!”


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