Category: Top

Size Matters, Part 10

| Dublin, Ireland | Rude & Risque, Top

(I work at a small counter in my store that sells the company’s own brand condoms. A female customer comes to the condom counter with a complaint. I’m busy with a customer, so my coworker steps in.)

Customer: “I want to return these!”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My husband says they’re too small and they won’t fit him!”

(My coworker is a very unabashed flamboyant man. He proceeds to take a condom out of the packet, open it, unroll it and pull it over his hand and right up to his elbow, all while the customer watches in stony silence.)

Coworker: “If that doesn’t fit your husband, can I have his number?”

Customer: *leaves silently, taking the box with her*

Related:
Size Matters, Part 9
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Don’t Throw Rocks In Glass Elevators

| USA | Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(Note: I am a passenger on a cruise ship with my father. I am in my early 20’s and my father is in his late 50’s. We are in the elevator with some other passengers on our way back to our rooms.)

Passenger: *glares at us* “That’s disgraceful!”

Me: “I’m…sorry?”

Passenger: “That’s disgraceful. The age difference between you two. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Absolutely disgusting!”

(My dad and I give confused looks to each other. The other passengers have now begun to stare.)

Dad: “You’re very right. After all, I used to change her diapers when she was a baby!”

Passenger: “What?!”

Me: “Yeah, older men aren’t my type. Plus, he’s my dad.”

Passenger: *practically plows out of the elevator at the next floor*

The Boss-tomer Is Always Right

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Technology, Top

(I am overhearing a heated argument between a very rude customer and my manager.)

Customer: “This game isn’t working like it’s supposed to. I demand a full refund!”

Manager: “Once again, sir, the packaging’s already been opened. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do. If you had read the packaging before opening it, you would have known that this game would not be compatible with your system.”

Customer: “That’s a lie! You are lying to me! This game is d*** well compatible. This one is just defective!”

(I walk over to where my manager and the customer is. Much to my horror, I am met with a very unpleasant surprise: the customer is actually my boss at my second job.)

Customer: “Hey! [my name]! Help me out here! This guy clearly doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Me: “Well, [boss], why don’t you explain to me your side of the story, since I just joined in?”

Customer: “I tried to run this game on my girlfriend’s laptop and it won’t work. Now this guy over here is trying to tell me that it isn’t supposed to work!”

Me: “Um, well, he’s right. That game isn’t compatible with computers. This is an Xbox 360 game.”

Customer: “Aww, for Christ’s sake, not you too! My girlfriend’s laptop runs Windows. Windows is Microsoft. Xbox is also Microsoft.”

Me: “No, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. If it did, that would defeat the purpose of having two separate products.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that bulls***! I want my money back now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you really should’ve asked an employee before you bought that game, or at least read the back of the box. We can’t take back opened products.”

Customer: “You really gonna talk to me like that? Well, fine! You better start working here full-time now, because as of now, your a** is fired from MY shop!”

(My now ex-boss takes his game and angrily leaves the store. What does he do for a living? He’s the owner of a retail shop and his return policy is much more strict than ours.)

You’ve Got The Wrongest Number, Part 6

| Pennsylvania, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

Me: “We’re making magic here at Ch—”

Caller: “Sexy voice for a sexy lady, eh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah, I wanted to ask about some of your ‘prizes’.”

Me: “Sure? What are you looking for?”

(He begins to read me a long list of sexual objects and attempts to talk dirty.)

Me: “Sir, this is highly inappropriate.”

Caller: “If you’re offended, why do you work at [name of adult store]?”

Me: “Because I don’t. I think you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Who am I talking to then?”

Me: “[Name] at Chuck E. Cheese.”

Caller: “Oh…oh my God! I AM SO SORRY!”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Size Matters, Part 9

| Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I work as a barista at my local coffee shop.)

Customer: “I’d like a coffee to go.”

Me: “Awesome, did you want the small size or the big one?”

Customer: “Small. I might be a big guy, but I have a small thing—” *catches himself* “I mean, I like small things—” *catches himself again*

Me: “It’s okay—”

Customer: “I mean…uh…small. I will take a small cup, fill it with coffee, and then leave so you and your coworker can laugh at me.”

Me: *smiles and contains laughter* “That’ll be $1.75.”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

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