July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Top

No Need To Drive This Deal Home

| Illinois, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Top

(I have just brought a middle-aged couple back from a test drive. We are going over the price of the car.)

Me: “With your trade and money down, we’re looking at about $400 per month for the base model, and $440 per month fully-loaded.”

Husband: “But we only wanted to spend $500 to $550 or more per month!”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Wife: “Like he said, we’re looking to spend no more than $550.”

Me: “Well, yes. Even if you get the fully loaded model, it’s far under $500 per month.”

Husband: “NO! What part of ‘$500 per month’ don’t you understand?”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I definitely think we can make the numbers work for you at $500 per.”

Wife: “Much better. We’ll take it, then!”

Alls Well That Bookends Well

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

(A sharply-dressed man comes to the counter with a woman of his age and a 5-year-old kid walking near them.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “Yes, can you tell the price of those books, please?”

(He hands me a list, and I use it to calculate the total price of the books in question.)

Me: “Okay, the total comes to $242.14.”

Man: “Alright. Do you take debit cards?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Man: “Ten years ago, when I was a teen, we stole those books in your shop with my wife here as a student prank. Now that we both have a good job, we want to show my kid that you must fix your errors in life.”

(I stayed speechless for a good minute before taking his payment. If there’s a “Customer of the Month” award, this family takes the cake!)

A Pack Of The Clones

| UK | Bizarre, Top

(Instead of having a definite job role I am just expected to help out wherever the restaurant is short. On this day, I have been cleaning.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your toilets are?”

Me: “Just through there, sir. Just give me a moment to get the cleaning stuff out of there.”

(I clear the toilet and leave. On my way downstairs, I am asked to open the bar up for the customers. I change and do so.)

Same Customer: “Oh, weren’t you just upstairs?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Can I get you anything?”

Same Customer: *nervous look* “Uh, I’ll just have a coffee. I’m sitting over there…”

(After serving, I change again and start waiting tables.)

Me: “Hello again. Can I take your order?”

Same Customer: *upset* No…no…I think I’ll have to leave…”

Me: “Are you okay, sir?”

Same Customer: “I can’t eat in a place that employs CLONES! CLONES! CLONES EVERYWHERE!” *leaves*

Dingbats In The Drive-Thru

, | Derby, UK | Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work in the drive-thru area of a well known fast food store. I’m taking an order out to a customer who, instead of parking in the designated bays, has parked in the main car park. The car he is parked next to just happens to be mine.)

Me: “One burger meal?”

(The customer throws open his door with great speed, slamming it into my car and leaving a noticeable dent. In shock, I drop his paper bag.)

Customer: “What on EARTH do you think you’re doing?!”

Me: “You just hit my car!”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t realise it was yours.”

(At this point I’m too shocked to do anything other than stand there and try not to cry.)

Customer: “So, are you going to compensate me?”

Me: “What for?”

Customer: “You just dropped my food on the floor. I demand a full refund and maybe some extras.”

Me: “Sir, you just dented my car with extreme force. I don’t particularly feel inclined to do anything other than replace the meal I dropped, to be completely honest.”

Customer: “That is RIDICULOUS! You owe me £5 for that meal!”

Me: “With all due respect sir, if I may please have your insurance details, we’ll see just how much you owe me!”

Cuffed Red-Handed

| Nantes, France | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I occasionally hire the 19-year-old niece of one of my friends to help me around the store during vacations. She’s quite frail and shy, but it isn’t too much of a problem since many of my customers are regulars and know (and like) her. One busy day, a peculiar lady whom I’ve never seen comes in and goes straight to the girl.)

Customer: “I want a double cheeseburger, a Coke, and a chocolate donut.”

Niece: “Um…I think we’re out of chocolate donuts. I’m going to check. Please wait a minute, ma’am.”

Customer: *bluntly* “Yeah, you do that.”

Niece: *runs to the back*

Customer: *whispering* “Useless b****.”

(When my niece comes back several minutes later, the customer gives her an icy stare.)

Niece: *nervously* “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It seems we’re out of stock. May I suggest you another dess—”

Customer: “You useless little s***! Every time I come here, I find what I want. Just admit you suck at your job.”

Niece: “B-but I—”

Customer: “Don’t interrupt me, you b****! Either get me my food now, or I’ll make sure your skinny little a** gets fired!”

Niece: *almost crying* “Ma’am, please—”

Customer: “You interrupted me again, you s***!”

(Before I can do anything, the customer PUNCHES my niece in the face, hard enough to make the girl fall on her back and hit her head on a cooler. However, two of my regulars, who are uniformed policemen, grab the customer.)

Customer: “What are you doing?!”

Regular #1: “Ma’am, what you just did is an aggravated assault. If this girl is seriously wounded, you face a fine and jail time. Please don’t resist.”

Customer: “Oh yeah?! Tough luck proving that without any police around, jacka**!”

Regular #2: *handcuffs the customer* “Ma’am, we are police officers.”

Customer: *almost faints*

(My friend’s niece ended up breaking her glasses and four of her teeth due to her fall. She refused to come back to work after that, which saddened both me and the regulars. At least she got a small measure of justice thanks to the police officers.)

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