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    Egg On Your Face

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

    Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

    Kid: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You’re not 17.”

    Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

    Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

    (The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

    Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

    Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

    Kid: “She’s lying!”

    Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

    Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

    Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

    Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

    Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

    As Long As Every Lady Is A Queen

    | California, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a gay male bar as a bouncer. I normally escort or throw out guys due to inappropriate behavior. One day, however, the manager calls me over to throw out a woman. Afterwards, I ask the manager what happened.)

    Me: “What was that about?”

    Manager: “She kept on insisting to meet me to implement a suggestion for the bar.”

    Me: “Oh…so why did you have me kick her out?”

    Manager: “She was insistent, and got more and more agitated when I told her we’d never do that.”

    Me: “And what was her suggestion?”

    Manager: “She said we should have Ladies Night so that more men would come here.”

    Hung Up On Gender

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I am one of the several female employees that work at my video game store. On this particular day, all the employees at work are female.)

    Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling [game store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

    (After a few seconds, my coworker hangs up the phone. I don’t think too much of it until the next phone call a few minutes later.)

    Coworker #1: “Thank you for calling [game store]—”

    (Again, my coworker hangs up.)

    Me: “Why’d you hang up? Wrong number?”

    Coworker #1: “No, I can hear the click when they hung up. They’ve been calling all day and hanging up without asking anything. You try next time.”

    (As expected, the phone rings again and I answer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [game store]—” *to my coworker* “Ah, they hung up!”

    (This goes on for the rest of the day until later that night when I’m working with another female coworker. The phone rings, and she answers.)

    Coworker #2:: “Thank you for calling [game store]. This is [name]. How can I help you?” *turns to me* “Huh, that’s odd. I think they hung up on me.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah…that’s been happening all day. I wonder why…”

    (After deliberating for awhile, we guess that the callers have been hanging up because we’re girls, and they want to talk to a male employee. I decide to test our theory the next time the phone rings.)

    Me: *in a deep voice* “Thank you for calling [game store]. How may I help you?”

    Make Caller: “Yeah, I was wondering if you had a game in stock.”

    Me: “Okay, what game are you…”*unable to maintain my deep voice, I squeak the next words in my normal pitch* “…looking for?”

    Male Caller: *instantly hangs up*

    (Later that evening, one of our male coworkers comes in to purchase a game. Upon witnessing one of the phone calls, he asks what is going on and we explain it to him. The next time the phone rings, he answers the phone.)

    Male Coworker: “Thank you for calling [game store]. How can I help you?”

    (The caller tells my coworker what game he needs, but my coworker explains he can’t help him since he’s not on the clock. My male coworker hands the phone back to me.)

    Me: *to the caller* “Okay, so you were looking for [game] and—” *to my male coworker* “He hung up again.”

    Male Coworker: *laughing* “Seriously?! From what you’ve told me, he’s been calling to ask about one game for eight hours and he can’t stay on the line long enough to listen to you because you’re a girl!”

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    Cash Back (And Forth)

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Money, Top

    (I am a cashier at a drugstore. A man is buying about $60 worth of merchandise.)

    Customer: “Can I pay $40 in cash and put the rest on my debit card?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I take his money and give him his new total. He swipes his card and the machine asks him if he wants cash back.)

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I DO want cash back!”

    (He gets $20 in cash back. I look at the $40 in my hand and slowly hand one of his 20′s back to him.)

    Customer: *has a moment of clarity* “Hm, that didn’t make much sense, did it?”

    Me: “No, sir, not really.”

    (He leaves with his head down in shame, clutching a $20 bill.)

    A Horse Can Lead Itself To Water

    | East Coast, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (My father is a dentist, and he is known among his dentist friends for having insane patients. This one really takes the cake, though.)

    Dental Office: “Good morning, this is Dr. [name]‘s office. How may I help
    you?”

    Patient: “Yes, it’s [name]. I’d like to cancel my appointment for today.”

    Dental Office: “I’m sorry to hear that. May I ask why you’re canceling?”

    Patient: “I have this awful toothache!”


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