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    Intolerable Intolerance

    | California, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I am working as a barista when two young men walk into the shop, holding hands and laughing. They order their coffee and sit down at one of the tables, but about fifteen minutes in a middle-aged man approaches the two of them.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are you two together?”

    Young Customers: *nodding in unison*

    Customer: “Could you switch tables, then? You’re making my wife and me uncomfortable.”

    Young Customer #1: “I don’t think we’re actually doing anything wrong, are we?”

    Customer: “Well, we don’t want to look at it! We don’t believe in being—”

    (Suddenly, the young man leans across the table to give his partner a fairly chaste peck on the lips.)

    Young Customer #2: “Personally, I don’t believe in being a self-righteous prick, but I don’t ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “This is an outrage!

    (The customer storms back to his table and grabs his wife by the wrist.)

    Customer: *to his wife* “Come on, we’re leaving!”

    (After the middle-aged couple left, everyone else in the coffee shop stared with wide eyes for a moment, shocked at what had just occurred. Slowly, though, some of the surrounding tables began clapping, until the entire coffee shop was filled with applause.)

    My Butter Half

    | Minnesota, USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Top

    (A couple approaches me at the movie theater’s concession stand.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I—”

    Customer: “Give me a green tea.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have green tea.”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Well, fine! What DO you have?”

    (I point right behind me where all our sodas are clearly listed.)

    Customer: “Well, FINE! Give me a Diet Coke, then.”

    Customer Husband: “…And a large popcorn, please!”

    Me: “Sure! That all?”

    Customer Husband: “Yep!”

    Me: “Cool. You guys want butter on the popcorn?”

    Customer Husband: *giant smile* “Ye—”

    Customer: “Of course not! Unlike you, I have a figure to maintain! I can’t have BUTTER on my popcorn! Really, are you an idiot?!”

    (I go to get them their popcorn, but I purposely put way too much butter in the bucket and shovel a thin layer of popcorn on top to hide the butter.)

    Me: “Here you go!”

    Customer: “Well, finally!”

    Customer Husband: *whispers as his wife turns away* “Butter?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (The guy hands me a five dollar bill. To this day, my coworkers and I refer to him as ‘Butter Man.’)

    Dislike Father, Dislike Son

    | Missouri, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

    (A lady walks in with her 11-year-old son. He is being very mouthy to her, mouthy to her friend that is with them. He even glares at me when I tell him he can not eat of our bulk candy bins. They finally come up to the counter to pay for their candy, but he is still saying horrible things to his mother. She is looking very upset by this point.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer’s Son: “Shut up!”

    Me: “You know, if my son talked to me that way—”

    Customer’s Son: “You’d what, b****?”

    Me: “I’d probably hogtie him and throw him into his room.”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Customer’s Son: “B****, you wouldn’t be standing!”

    Me: *laughing* “Oh? How you figure that?”

    Customer’s Son: “Because you’re a woman, and women are weak.”

    Customer: *to her son* “Oh my God, are you serious?! You are NOT visiting your father anymore!”

    Customer’s Son: *to me* “Now get me an Icee, b****.”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure my weak woman’s hands can make it for you!”

    Customer: *laughing, to me* “Thank you!” *to her son* “Now, let’s go. I’m not buying you anything!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer’s Son: *flips me off*

    Customer: *smacks him*

    Bottom-Rung Bozos

    | Florida, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (This takes place in a small, mom-and-pop gift store. Note: I am about 7 months pregnant when this takes place.)

    Customer: “Hey you, girl! I need one of those games at the top of the shelf.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem, sir. Just give me a moment to finish up here and I’ll grab it.”

    Customer: “Well, hurry up!”

    (The customer continues to mutter about me being useless. I go to grab the ladder when my coworker, who happens to be the owner’s son, sees this.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Oh hey…you don’t need to be on that ladder. I got it.”

    Customer: *to coworker* “What?! No, I asked her. Let her do it!”

    Coworker: “Sir, it’s not safe for her to be up there right now.”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULDN’T BE ACCOMMODATING TO FATTIES!”

    (Note: the customer himself is extremely large.)

    Coworker: “Sir, she’s pregnant, not fat.”

    Customer: “Stupid b**** is just fat! You shouldn’t accommodate fatties! She’s just a fat b****! Make her do her job! STOP ACCOMMODATING THE FATTIES!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m seven months pregnant, not fat, and if you continue to use vulgar language, I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “You stupid b****! Do your d*** job, you stupid fat a**!”

    Me: “I’m refusing you service. Please leave.”

    Customer: “YOU CAN’T DO THAT! GET THAT D*** GAME! I PAY YOUR SALARY!”

    (The owner, who has overheard the entire exchange, comes over.)

    Owner: “Sir, you shouldn’t be carrying on and calling people fatties…especially pregnant women.”

    Customer: “F*** YOU! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    Owner: “I’ll do you one better: I own this store, and if I see you in my store again, I will have you arrested for trespassing. Oh…and NO, you don’t pay her salary: I do, and I plan to give her a big raise after this.”

    Customer: “SCREW YOU! You can’t talk to me this way. I’m a paying customer!”

    Coworker: “Hey buddy, you just blow in from stupid town? You haven’t bought anything.”

    Customer: “DON’T ACCOMMODATE FATTIES!”

    (In his anger, he knocks down a rack of merchandise over and hauls out of the store as fast as he can.)

    Coworker: “I’m going to call the police…”

    (The customer was arrested less than a block away, and I got a raise.)

    Help Is On The Way

    | Oregon, USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’ve just gotten off work and am waiting behind the building for my friend to come pick me up. I’m listening to music but forgot my headphones, so it’s playing through the speaker. Two teenage girls, one wearing a Twilight shirt and another a Justin Bieber Shirt walk past me chatting. Accompanying them is who I assume is their younger brother, who is obviously not liking the conversation. He can’t be more than ten years old.)

    Teenager #1: *whispers to her friend about my music* “What awful tastes.”

    Teenager #2: *nods in agreement* “Freaks, I tell you.”

    (Instead of agreeing with the girls, the little kid stops and talks to me.)

    Little Kid: *to me* “What’s that?”

    Me: “Rise Against. They’re an awesome punk band.”

    Little Kid: “Thanks!” *catches up to the two teens with a smile*

    (I feel as though I did some good today.)

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