(A women comes in with six children. They are all whining, complaining, and touching everything they can find.)
 
Me: “Are they all yours?”
 
Customer: “Girl, you crazy!?” *she looks at the kids* “Two, Three and Five, raise your hands!”
 
(Three of the children raise their hands.)
 
Customer: “They’re my babies. The rest of these, I don’t know. They just follow me around!”

(I work at a retail greenhouse and we have had a severe rainstorm. Several shingles came crashing through the glass roof. My coworkers and I are waiting in the shed until the boss shows up. We are stopping people from entering the store.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. You can’t go in there.”

Customer: “What? I just need to buy this flat of petunias.”

Me: “I understand, but the roof is shattering in there. It’s not safe.”

Customer: “You can’t stop me from going in. I risked my life driving here to get these petunias. I’m going in.”

(She goes in the store, where glass is still shattering. We can see her through the glass doors waiting at the register. After a minute she comes out furious.)

Customer: “Which one of you is the cashier? Can’t you see I’m waiting to pay?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t go back in. The roof is shattering and it is dangerous.”

Customer: “You’re all a bunch of wimps! I risked my life getting here. I need to buy these petunias!”

(I am taking orders on both lanes at the fast food restaurant. I already have other customers at the second window as someone pulls up to the menu board.)

Customer: “Hablas español?” (“Do you speak Spanish?”)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

Customer: “Hablas español?”

(I say the only thing I know in Spanish.)

Me: “Lo siento, pero no puedo hablar español. Solamente inglés o japonés.” (“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Only English or Japanese.”)

Customer: *in heavily accented English* “I SPEAK JAPANESE TOO!”

Me: “Hontoo? Nihongo o hanasu?” (“Really? You speak Japanese?”)

Customer: “Soo desu yo! Shichi-ban ga hoshii, nomimono wa Sprite desu!” (“Yes I do! I want a number 7 with Sprite!”)

Me: “Nani mo ga hoshii?” (“Would you like anything else?”)

Customer: “Chotto.” (“No thank you.”)

Me: “Hai soo desu, shichi doru san juu sento onegaishimasu. Ni-ban me fune de gozaimasu.”

(The other customers at the second window are still there with a flabbergasted look on their faces. I hand them their food.)

Me: “Don’t ask, it’d take too long to explain. Have a nice night.”

Other Customers: “Sayonara!”

(I’m a customer here. When you place an order, the cashier asks for a name to call when the order is ready. As I’m finishing my lunch and getting ready to go, I hear over the intercom speakers…)

Employee: “Aragorn, the firstborn son of Arathorn, your order is ready!”

(The customer is buying one piece of jewelry. I’m all about the environment so I try to avoid giving out bags for small purchases.)

Me: “Would you like a bag, or do you want to put it in your purse?”

Customer: “My purse is fine.”

Me: “Yay! You just saved a polar bear!”

Customer: *eyes go wide* “Plastic bags… are made out of… polar bears?!”