October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Top

Perceiving Percival

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

Me: “Was there any particular style of glasses you where looking for today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some horn rimmed, half-moon spectacles.”

(As an avid Harry Potter fan, I recognize this as the word-for-word description of a certain character’s glasses.)

Me: “I’m sorry, Professor Dumbledore, but I believe we sold our last pair this morning.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh, wow! I really wasn’t expecting anyone to catch that!”

Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It

| Naples, FL, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Top

(One of the new girls is trying to take care of an older gentleman who is having a problem with his phone. I actually discovered a temporary fix for the issue and have taught it to the new girl while we wait for a permanent one from corporate. I’m at the station right next to hers, and she’s done a good job at determining the issue, but she’s just having a hard time remembering the instructions for the fix. Note that I am also female.)

Customer: “You have no idea what you’re doing do you? Get me a tech guy now!”

New Girl: “Sir, we don’t have techs here, but I know exactly what the problem is and I can fix it. Give me a minute to—”

Customer: “I SAID get me a tech guy! Geez, women can’t do anything right!”

(Frustrated, the new girl turns to me.)

New Girl: “Hey, that fix you showed me…how—”

Customer: “Did you not hear me?! I said tech GUY! As in, get me a MAN!”

New Girl: “Sir, I can assure you, she’s the closest thing to a tech that we have here at the store.”

Customer: “Ugh! She’s not going to know anything either!”

Me: “Actually, sir, your problem is an easy fix. I know exactly—”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I want to speak to your manager now!”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(I go to the back room and proceed to get both our assistant manager and our district manager, whose office is in our building. Neither one of them has a clue on how to fix the memory issue, so they both ask me why the customer doesn’t just let me fix it. They agree to speak to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, thank God! Men!”

Assistant Manager: *takes phone and looks at it* “So, it’s the memory, huh?”

New Girl: “Yep.”

District Manager: *to assistant manager* “Okay, then…you know what to do.”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, sir!” *hands phone to me* “Fix this thing since you’re the only one here who knows how to!”

Me: “Sure!” *takes phone*

Customer: *shocked* “I don’t want her touching it! She’s a woman! How the h***—”

District Manager: “Yes, she is, and a great one at that. If it wasn’t for this young lady figuring out this issue, our company would be losing tens of thousands of dollars in replacement phones right now.”

Customer: “But women can’t—”

Assistant Manager: “I’m VERY happy to have her here in my store and I will do anything to protect all of my employees. If I hear one more biased comment out of your mouth, I will have her hand you back the phone RIGHT NOW and you can leave here with your phone still messed up.”

Customer: *face turns beet red and shuts up*

(I proceed to go though the phone, showing the new girl step-by-step how to fix the issue in the future. When we’re done, I hand her the phone to give back to the customer.)

New Girl: “So, there you go, it’s fixed! Was there anything else we could help you with today?”

Customer: *silently walks out the door with his phone, defeated*

Me: *to the new girl* “Good job. Don’t worry, it happens a lot.” *to my managers* “Thanks for the support, guys. I appreciate it.”

District Manager: “Oh, don’t worry, we know better. And you’ll be rewarded, trust me!”

(I was rewarded. I won MVP of our store for that quarter and got a bonus!)

Respect Your Zombie Elders

| Delaware, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

Customer: “How dare you.”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “That!”

(The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

(The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”

Must Have Taken A Napa In Geography Class

| Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Geography, Top

(A new customer walks into our liquor store. Note that I am the store manager and have been there a number of years, and have a significant appreciation for wine.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m going to a dinner party this evening and want to bring a bottle of wine. I don’t know anything about wines, though, and I would like to show off a bit.”

Me: “Certainly, I can help you with that. Do you know what food they will be serving at this party?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Roast beef or lamb, I think.”

Me: “In that case, you would want a red wine. If you’re not sure of the meal, then I would suggest one of the blends as they are good all rounders and a safer bet if you’re unsure. As for showing off, we have some very nice wines from Chile that we have just got in. Chile has been producing some very nice wines that are winning a number of awards at the moment, and they’re very new to the Australian market so they would be the perfect thing for showing off wine appreciation.”

Customer: “No, I said we we’re having a roast, not a curry! I don’t want anything spicy!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am…I meant the country, not the spice. These are not spicy wines. They’re just from Chile.”

Customer: “No, I said I don’t want a spicy wine. Can’t you just show me a wine that will make me look like I’m smart in front of my friends?!”

The Pool-cebo Effect

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Top

(I am a lifeguard at a pool. I am covering a coworker’s 12-4pm shift while he is visiting a friend in Boston. There is a senior aqua-exercise class for people with arthritis that is starting.)

Swimmer #1: “Brrr, The water is so cold! Why is the water always so cold?”

Swimmer #2: “Yes, this is ridiculous. We are going to freeze to death!” *to me* “You, there! Lifeguard! What is the water temperature today?”

Me: “It is 84 degrees. Quite warm, actually. I went for a swim earlier.”

Swimmer #1: “Bulls***! Where is the normal lifeguard, [coworker’s name]? He always fixes the water temperature for us.”

Me: “Really? How?”

Swimmer #2: “He calls the front desk and has maintenance turn up the temperature. He’s such a nice boy. Such a lovely boy!”

Me: “Okay, let me try that…

(I walk over to the phone, but instead of calling the front desk, I just call my coworker’s cellphone.)

Coworker: “Hello?”

Me: “Yeah, hey, I’m doing your shift. There’s this arthritis class in here complaining about the water temperature. They say that you know how to fix it for them. What exactly do you do?”

Coworker: “Oh, haha! I always tell them I’m going to call the front desk and have the temperature cranked up. Then, I walk into the office, pick up the phone and just mouth words to the dial tone for a few seconds. Then I go back and tell them that they’re working on it.”

Me: “Okay, man, awesome.”

(I hang up and walk back to the class.)

Me: *to the swimmers* “Uh, yeah…they said they’ll get on it right away.”

Swimmer #1: “I feel better already!”

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