Me: “Here’s your new bank card. You will be able to change your PIN number at the ATM.”

Customer: “PIN number is a redundant phrase. It’s like ‘personal identification number’, number. You work in a bank. You ought to know that by now.”

Me: “You’re right, sir.”

Customer: *smirks* “I’m always right. So, where’s the ATM machine?”

(I provide internet support over the phone. I am the only qualified technician working today. I also happen to be female.)

Me: “Welcome to [company name] internet support. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, hello sweetheart. I didn’t realize I’d reached the reception. Would you please connect me to internet support?”

Me: “This is internet support. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want help with a technical problem. I can’t talk to you. I want to talk to a man!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that I’ll be able to help you with your technical problem. I am the qualified technician here today.”

Customer: “You are a girl! You have no clue how to help me! This is man stuff. I demand to speak with a man!”

(This continues for ten minutes. The customer gets more and more aggravated, and starts yelling nasty comments. I give up, and connect him to my coworker, who sits next to me. My coworker is male.)

Coworker: “Welcome to [company name] internet support. My name is [name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Finally, a man! My internet is so unstable these days; I can’t seem to stay on it! It takes forever to load and the speed is horrible!”

Coworker: “Sir, I see the problem, and I’m sending a report. It will be fixed on Monday.”

Customer: “What? It’s Saturday! Why do you have to wait until Monday? I want it fixed now!”

Coworker: “Well, we would need a qualified technician to log into the system to fix your line. It’s Saturday, so there is only one qualified technician working.”

Customer: “Get him to fix it now! I demand to speak with him!”

Coworker: “Sir, you have already spoken to her.”

Customer: “Wait. Her?”

Coworker: “Yes. You spoke to our only qualified technician earlier today. You yelled profanities at her, and demanded to speak to a man.”

Customer: “So, I’ll be lucky if my internet is up again on Monday?”

Coworker: “You’ll be lucky if you have internet at all.”

(Note: We sell a mosquito tent for babies that is very compact and light.)

Customer: “Hi, I have a question about your baby tent?”

Me: “Sure, what would you like to know?”

Customer: “Can the tent withstand a bear attack?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, let’s say we go camping and my husband and I are sun tanning on the other side of the lake. If a bear comes into the campsite, will the tent protect my child?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m confused. Who is in the campsite with your baby while you are on the other side of the lake?”

Customer: “Nobody. Why?”

(A male customer comes into my cafe and spends five minutes staring at the baked goods before finally coming up to order.)

Customer: “Well, there’s no manly way to say this: I want a cream puff.”

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for this movie. It was a funny movie and it is fairly new.”

Me: “Okay, can you tell me who is in it?”

Customer: “That fat guy from Superbad?”

Me: “Is it this movie?” *I pick up ‘Get him to the Greek’*

Customer: “Yeah! Thanks! Have a piece of candy.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I put the candy in my pocket, and walk to the counter to ring him up.)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “You have a nice smile. You know what you win?”

Me: “No. What do I win?”

Customer: “A better piece of candy!”

(He hands me another piece of candy and walks out swinging his bag.)

Manager, to me: “Don’t eat that candy. It’s stranger candy.”