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    Category: Top

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

    Driving The Point Home, Part 2

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A few customers are milling around the store, including a young woman and a uniformed police officer. Note that 99.9% of people here use a driver’s licence for an ID.)

    Woman: “Pack of [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have some ID on you?”

    Woman:No. Why the h*** would you ask me that?!”

    Me: “I’ll need to see some ID before I put these through, sorry. It’s our policy to ID anyone who looks under 25.”

    Woman: “Are you kidding me? I am 25; I just drove here!”

    (This entire time, the officer has been waiting in line behind her, and has overheard the conversation. Upon hearing that she has been driving, the officer makes eye contact with me, and after a second or two it clicks.)

    Me: “Sorry, so you don’t have your driver’s licence on you from the drive here? You know it’s illegal to drive without a licence on you?”

    Woman: “F***ing duh. What’s it to you?”

    Me: “Nothing at all to me, ma’am.” *looking over to the cop* “Sorry, officer, won’t be a second.”

    (The woman turns around and finds herself face-to-face with the police officer, who’s grinning like a child. Long story short, she walked home that day.)

    Related:
    Driving The Point Home

    Car Free And Care-Free

    | Norway | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I’m female and work at a smaller car rental business. I’ve had my fair share of bizarre customers, but this one takes the cake.)

    Caller: “Hello! I would like to rent a car!”

    Me: “Of course! We have many different cars. Got any idea of what size you need?”

    Caller: “No, just the smallest and cheapest car you have, for one day only.”

    Me: “Okay, then. The price is [price]. Remember to bring a credit card and a driver’s license when you come to pick it up.”

    Caller: “My own?”

    Me: “Um yes. Your own credit card and driver’s license.”

    Caller: “But I don’t have a license!”

    Me: “Well, if you lost it, you can swing by the nearest police station. They can print out a valid replacement.”

    Caller: “But I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t help you then. You need a license to drive a car in Norway.”

    Caller: “IT’S JUST A RENTAL CAR!”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s still a car, and you drive it on roads. Therefore, you need training and a license.”

    Caller: “Are you making fun of me?! Are you stupid?! I want to talk to a man!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there are no men working here. There are just two girls here at work.”

    Caller: “This is an outrage! I know the law, and a rental car is not a real car! It’s like a bumper car! You know, like the ones in a theme park! You don’t need a license for that!”

    Me: “Um, what?!”

    Caller: “Yeah! I bet you didn’t know that! It’s okay, you’re a girl. I don’t expect girls to know things like that. I just need a car I can have some fun with. You know, drive around in circles and such.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But may I suggest [theme park]? They have bumper cars. You can even crash them into things.”

    Caller: “Seriously?”

    Me: “Yup. It’s way cheaper than renting a car.”

    Caller: “Thank you! I just love driving in circles!” *hangs up*

    We Few, We Unhappy Few

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    (After receiving excellent customer service from a representative, I ask to be transferred to a supervisor.)

    Supervisor: “Hello, I’m [name]. How can I help you?”

    Me: “Hello! I was just working with [name of rep], and I wanted to tell someone what a great job she did. She was patient, friendly, efficient and knowledgeable, and she really helped me out.”

    Supervisor: “I’m very glad to hear that! Thanks so much for bringing this to my attention! I sincerely apologize!”

    Me: “Um…you apologize?”

    Supervisor: “Oops. I meant to say ‘appreciate’. I guess I’m just used to taking calls and immediately having to apologize.”

    Me: *laughing* “No worries whatsoever. I work in customer service, too.”

    Supervisor: “OH. Then you know.”

    Keep Calm And Cop On

    | USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (We have one female coworker on our shift, and despite the fact that we’re all more physically intimidating than she is, we usually will let her handle aggressive customers because she tends to freak them out. Not only is she a calm person, but she can’t read body language and therefore doesn’t respond to menacing behavior. Note: she’s also one of the smallest people working in the store.)

    Customer: *barges up to the counter* “You f***ing people sold me some piece of s*** equipment that doesn’t f***ing work!”

    Female Coworker: *blank stare* “I’m sorry, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t f***ing work! What, do you got cotton in your ears, little girl?”

    Female Coworker: *dead pan* “You did indicate that the device is not working, sir. I was asking for clarification.”

    Customer: *uneasy* “Well it ain’t…downloadin’ stuff like it’s s’posed to.”

    Female Coworker: *holds out her hand* “May I?”

    (She examines the device for a moment, then turns it off and opens the back of it.)

    Female Coworker: “Sir, how long have you had this device?”

    Customer: “Six weeks.”

    Female Coworker: “…and in that time, how much exposure to water or other liquid has it had?”

    Customer: *leans in and gets in her face* “Don’t you DARE try to blame this on me, you f***ing b***! You little godd*** c***! This is all your fault I know you sold me a faulty device! You will fix it or give me my money back, because I didn’t do s***!”

    Female Coworker: *smiling calmly* “Sir, did you perhaps drop it in the snow last week?”

    Customer: “What the f***’s that got to do with anything?”

    Female Coworker: *hands him the device* “When you can answer that, I’m sure anyone here will be happy to help you. However, as the device has been compromised and not by a factory defect, I’m afraid I cannot help you at this time.”

    (Surprisingly, the customer returned a week later, and very sheepishly apologized for his behavior. On that same occasion, another customer with less self control tried to take a swing at my female coworker. We were delighted to discover the first customer was in fact a cop, and got to watch the other guy get arrested in the middle of the store.)

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