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    Category: Top

    May The Employees Be Ever In Your Favor

    | Belgium | Top

    (I’m a customer sitting in a bookstore calmly reading my own book. I always go there because it’s pretty cozy and they let me because I’m a regular.)

    Customer: “Hey, you have a copy of The Hunger Games! The store employee said it was sold out!”

    Me: “This is my own copy, ma’am. I just come here to read.”

    Customer: “You little liar! You just don’t want ME to take the last copy to the counter first!”

    (Suddenly, the customer snatches my book out of my hands and runs to the counter.)

    Employee: “Excuse me ma’am, but I’m going to ask you to give that book back to the young miss over there.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! But I came here first!”

    Employee: “I can, in fact, confirm that the book belongs to the young miss.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! Sell me this book!”

    Employee: “I’m afraid I can’t, ma’am.”

    Customer: *slams my book on the counter* “This is the worst service I’ve EVER gotten! I’m NEVER coming back here!” *runs out*

    Employee: *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. If your book was harmed in any way, please let me know and I’ll reserve a new one for you.”

    Me: *laughing* “Thanks, but it’s fine. Great service though!”

    The Dark Chocolate Knight

    | Virginia, USA | Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I work in a coffee shop. I am on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)

    Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”

    (The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)

    Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”

    Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”

    Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”

    Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”

    (The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)

    Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”

    Sink Or Dim(witted)

    | Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Huh?”

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

    Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

    Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

    Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

    Guest: “Nope.”

    Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

    Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

    Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

    (The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

    Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

    Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

    Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

    Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

    Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

    Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

    Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

    Related:
    No, Really: Sink Or Swim

    I Have A Good Feeling About This

    | Florida, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Our shop sells a lot of space-themed items, including a good deal of Star Wars merchandise. I am approached by two guys in their early 20s.)

    Guy #1: “Excuse me, miss, but we’re about to get kicked out of your store.”

    Me: “For what?”

    Guy #2: “Lightsaber fighting!”

    (They turn to a Star Wars display, each take a lightsaber off the rack, and spend a second figuring out how to turn them on. Right away, I duck behind the registers and return with two open lightsabers we have behind the counter from returns.)

    Me: “Here, try some without the packaging.”

    Guy #1: “SWEET!”

    (They activate the lightsabers and proceed to have a high-energy duel in the middle of the shop, to the amusement of my coworkers and the other customers. When one wins, they deactivate and hand the lightsabers back to me.)

    Guy #2: “Best. Store. Ever.”

    (They left without buying anything, but with huge smiles on their faces!)

    Children Of The Scorn

    | Aurora, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’ve been at work for 8 hours and am finishing the last bit of the late-evening rush. A husband, wife, and their 6-year-old daughter come through the line with several items, one of which is a bike.)

    Husband: “Can you split these between a couple cards?”

    Me: “Of course. What amount would you like?”

    Wife: “This’ll be food stamps. One minute…”

    (The husband and wife stare at the card reader and babble between themselves which way to turn the card and what their pin is. I try to help several times, only to be scolded, so I remain quiet. As I wait, I start looking around randomly and eventually glance in the general direction of their daughter.)

    6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you starin’ at, b****?!”

    Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, I wasn’t…I didn’t mean…if you bring the bike over here, I can ring it up once your parents are finished—”

    6-year-old Daughter: “The f*** you say to me?!”

    Me: “Well, unless you paid for it in the back, in which case you’ll want to have your receipt out at the door since they’ll check larger purchases. It’s a pain, I know, but it’s just store policy—”

    6-year-old Daughter: “You racist c***! You just sayin’ that ’cause I’m [race], ain’t you? Shut the f*** up!”

    Me: “No, it has nothing to…it’s just store policy to check receipts—”

    6-year-old Daughter: “F*** you, f***ing racist b****! Y’all are racist! You is nothin’ more than a lil’ racist c*** askin’ me that s***! F*** you, you f***er! I ain’t got to do s***!”

    (The daughter screams for a few more minutes, carrying off the bike. Meanwhile, her parents finish with their groceries, apparently oblivious to their daughter’s behavior. The daughter continues to make obscene gestures and screams obscenities at me all the way out the door, being sure to also yell at the store’s door greeter.)

    Next Customer: “Morons…”

    Me: *immediately burst into tears*

    Next Customer: “Do you run into this often?”

    Me: *nodding* “M-more than i-is strictly n-necessary.”

    Next Customer: “Really? You’re too smart to be dealing with a**holes of that degree. I’d quit. Seriously, f*** that!”

    Me: *laughing* “Thank you!”

    (I put in my two weeks that night!)


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