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    Lying Doesn’t Sit Well

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m clearing off the outdoor patio because we’ve stopped seating and our kitchen is closed. Three customers sit down at a table.)

    Me: “I’m sorry guys, but the outdoor seating is closed. Our kitchen and the dinning room are closed too, but the bar will be open till two.”

    Customers: *inaudible grumbling*

    Me: “Sorry, folks. ”

    (I clean off a few more tables. As I’m walking back inside, one of the men at the table stops me.)

    Customer: “I know you’re closed and all, but I’m just saying we were sat out here by a host. Maybe you guys should get your S*** together!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir? A host sat you without menus or silverware?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Do you know her name or what she looked like, sir? I’d like to talk to her.”

    Customer: *stumbling for words* “I don’t know…she—”

    Me: “…Especially since the last host was cut over an hour ago, and I’m the only server still on the floor. I must say I’m VERY curious who sat you.”

    Customer: “Well…F*** YOU!” *leaves with his friends*

    Me: “Have a nice night, guys!”

    Your Car Must Have A Telepathic Transmission

    | Ohio, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (A customer calls my shop asking for a price on a car part.)

    Customer: “I need a price on a piece for a window in my car. No other shop seems to be able to give me a price.”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am, I’d be glad to help you. What kind of car do you have, and what part is broken?”

    Customer: “Does that matter?”

    Me: “Well yes, ma’am…prices are different depending on what part and what car.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not giving you that information!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, without a little more to work with I won’t be able to find out what it would cost you. If you’d be willing to tell me the vehicle and part, I could get you an exact price.”

    Customer: “Okay, smarta***, don’t give me an exact price then. Just give me a ball park.”

    Me: “Well, the part could range anywhere from $50 to $3,000. But again, it all depends on the year, make, model, and what part is broken.”

    Customer: “I don’t appreciate being patronized! There is no way that this could cost $3,000!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it could depending on what the damaged part—”

    Customer: “I want to give you a business tip: if a customer asks for a price, you give them an exact price! You don’t give them a ball park figure if they ask for an exact price, and you certainly don’t make up outrageous figures like that. If you expect to stay in business, you should work on being more helpful! *slams down phone*

    Bad Parents Bug Us

    | Southern California, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am an intern giving a tour at my local zoo. The first stop is the butterfly & moth exhibit, where guests can go inside with animals. I give them the rules and instructions which include staying on the path/off the plants, no grabbing the animals, etc. Once we are inside, I see two children, approximately 6 and 8 years old, climbing all over the plants, trying to grab butterflies in their fists and bothering other guests. I do not see their mother, so I speak up.)

    Me: “Excuse me, boys. You need to stay on the path. You aren’t allowed to climb on the plants, and you definitely aren’t allowed to grab the animals like that.”

    (At that moment, their mom comes running out from behind a tree, clearly on her cell phone.)

    Mother: “Hey, you can’t tell my kids what to do! If there’s a problem you come talk to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I didn’t see you, and your children were damaging the exhibit.”

    Mother: “What?! No, they weren’t! They are angels!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they were climbing all over the plants and crushing them. There were also trying to grab the butterflies, which we do not allow.”

    Mother: “So? My boys are having fun. They can do whatever they want!”

    Me: “No, they are not. We have rules, and if you cannot follow them, you will be asked to leave the butterfly house and you will not allowed to remain a part of this tour.”

    Mother: “Your rules don’t make any sense. You just want to stop everyone from having fun!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, but it is my job to ensure that guests do not damage the exhibit.”

    Mother: “But you can just plant more plants, and the butterflies will be fine!”

    Me: “The butterflies will most certainly not be fine! Grabbing them like that will kill them!”

    Mother: “KILL?! How dare you say that in front of my children?! You are damaging them for life!” *turns to her boys* “Don’t worry, she’s lying! The buggies will be fine. You just keep playing!”

    (Despite my warnings, the mother refuses to intervene, so I have her and her children removed from the park. As she is being escorted out by security, she turns to me.)

    Mother: “You’re nuts! They’re just stupid bugs!”

    (Not a smart thing to say to an entomology student.)

    Combo Incognito

    , | Texas, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (At this restaurant, they take your name when you order, and call it out when your food is ready to be picked up. I’m waiting with other customers for orders.)

    Cashier: “Jessica!”

    (No one comes forward.)

    Cashier: “Jessica? Is there a Jessica?”

    (Again, no one comes forward. Three more orders come out, and in between each, the cashier calls for “Jessica” again. Meanwhile, a customer who ordered before me has been standing right at the counter and is getting impatient.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but these people who just got their orders got here after me. Do you have my order?

    Cashier: “What’s your name?”

    Customer: “Susan.”

    Cashier: “We don’t have any orders for Susan. What did you order?”

    Customer: “I got the #3 combo with a coke.”

    Cashier: “That’s what the order for Jessica has.”

    Customer: “Oh! I gave the name Jessica, but that’s not my name. I don’t like giving my real name.”

    Cashier: “You gave the name Jessica, but didn’t claim the order for Jessica?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not my name!” *takes her bag and leaves*

    Related:
    Indecisively Incognito

    Some Sprinkles Come With Sergeants

    | CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Military, Top

    (At the restaurant where I work, my boyfriend is visiting me. He’s just gotten home from the army and is still in uniform. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: *points at sprinkles* “Excuse me, there is ice in my ice cream!”

    Me: “Sir, those are sprinkles. You asked for rainbow sprinkles.”

    Customer: “They are too cold to be sprinkles, so they must be ice!”

    Me: “The ice cream is what’s making them cold, sir.”

    Customer: “You’re a liar, you b****! Get me your f***ing manager!”

    (Unwilling to take the customer’s abusive behavior, my boyfriend speaks up.)

    My Boyfriend: “Those are f***ing sprinkles, you a**hole! If you don’t like it, then just go home and make your own ice cream!”

    Customer: *quickly exits the restaurant*

    Manager: *to my boyfriend* “You should stop by more often! I’ll even pay you to handle these customers!”


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