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    On A Berating And A Prayer

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It’s 8 am on a Sunday morning, and only my second day working the register alone at a very large, well-known 24-hour store. Two customers come up to my register with four carts overflowing with food.)

    Me: “Good morning, how are you today?” *starts scanning and bagging items*

    Younger Customer: “Hello, these are separate orders.”

    Me: “Oh, okay! Just let me know when to stop for the first order.”

    Older Customer: “Who said to scan this stuff?! What’s wrong with you!? Did I say we were ready for you to start? Are you stupid?”

    Me: “Oh! Um…I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

    Older Customer: “You should!”

    (At this point, the older customer begins to dig through the carts with the younger customer, separating things and barking at me to scan items here and there. After a bit, she asks me the price of a box of crackers.)

    Me: *checks the price on the register* “They’re [price].”

    Older Customer: “No! It said something else! It was a different price!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can have someone check—”

    Older Customer: “You don’t know the price?”

    Me: “Not off the top of my head, no. I just started—”

    Older Customer: “Well, I DO know the prices of everything in the store because I shop here, and that is [price]! GOD, you’re stupid! And what are you doing?! Double bag everything! You’re being an idiot on purpose, aren’t you?!”

    Younger Customer: “Come on, mom. She’s trying her best.”

    Older Customer: “No, she’s too stupid to work here. She shouldn’t be dealing with people if she’s this stupid!”

    (She ended up calling me stupid several more times before leaving. A few months later, she went through another cashier’s line; her profession? A pastor.)

    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet, Part 2

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (Our shop sells a variety of desserts. The lady who owns the shop loves small kids, and insists that we add small extras for them. She often doesn’t even charge polite children. It’s a busy day when a woman and her young son approach the counter. The son can’t be older than 4. He looks terribly excited and is clutching a coin as though his life depends on it.)

    Young Son: “Could I please have a…single chocolate ice cream?”

    Mother: “You shouldn’t say ‘please’ to her. Only to people you know.”

    Young Son: *sadly* “Oh…I’m sorry, Missus Ice Cream Lady. Am I still allowed a single chocolate ice cream?”

    Mother: “No, don’t apologise, either! Just say what you want and don’t talk to her. You’ll waste good manners otherwise.”

    Young Son: “Oh, okay…I would please like a single chocolate ice cream and nothing else.”

    Mother: “No, you said please again! Look, it’s not that hard! Your manners are terrible!”

    (As this goes on, I start making the ice cream. The boy’s eyes slowly move from his mother’s weird demands to the ice cream as I make it bigger and bigger, adding extra cream, berries, sprinkles, and anything I can think of. His face goes from confusion to a grin to a dropped jaw of awe. The final product is almost as big as his head.)

    Me: “Here you go, young man! You’re the politest customer I’ve had today, and polite customers always get rewarded! If there were more customers like you, wouldn’t the world be a nicer place?”

    Mother: “Ugh! He’s not supposed to be polite to people on minimum wage!”

    Me: *ignores her* “Thank you, young man, for battling the forces of rudeness and for making the world a better place!”

    (I refuse payment, because apparently the coin the boy is the boy’s ‘life savings’. The mother storms off berating him, although her son is oblivious due to his enormous ice cream. The next day, him and all his friends come for ice cream. All are super polite, so they all got extra large ones at half price.)

    Related:
    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

    Driving The Point Home, Part 2

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (A few customers are milling around the store, including a young woman and a uniformed police officer. Note that 99.9% of people here use a driver’s licence for an ID.)

    Woman: “Pack of [cigarettes], please.”

    Me: “Sure, do you have some ID on you?”

    Woman:No. Why the h*** would you ask me that?!”

    Me: “I’ll need to see some ID before I put these through, sorry. It’s our policy to ID anyone who looks under 25.”

    Woman: “Are you kidding me? I am 25; I just drove here!”

    (This entire time, the officer has been waiting in line behind her, and has overheard the conversation. Upon hearing that she has been driving, the officer makes eye contact with me, and after a second or two it clicks.)

    Me: “Sorry, so you don’t have your driver’s licence on you from the drive here? You know it’s illegal to drive without a licence on you?”

    Woman: “F***ing duh. What’s it to you?”

    Me: “Nothing at all to me, ma’am.” *looking over to the cop* “Sorry, officer, won’t be a second.”

    (The woman turns around and finds herself face-to-face with the police officer, who’s grinning like a child. Long story short, she walked home that day.)

    Related:
    Driving The Point Home

    Car Free And Care-Free

    | Norway | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I’m female and work at a smaller car rental business. I’ve had my fair share of bizarre customers, but this one takes the cake.)

    Caller: “Hello! I would like to rent a car!”

    Me: “Of course! We have many different cars. Got any idea of what size you need?”

    Caller: “No, just the smallest and cheapest car you have, for one day only.”

    Me: “Okay, then. The price is [price]. Remember to bring a credit card and a driver’s license when you come to pick it up.”

    Caller: “My own?”

    Me: “Um yes. Your own credit card and driver’s license.”

    Caller: “But I don’t have a license!”

    Me: “Well, if you lost it, you can swing by the nearest police station. They can print out a valid replacement.”

    Caller: “But I don’t have one!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t help you then. You need a license to drive a car in Norway.”

    Caller: “IT’S JUST A RENTAL CAR!”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s still a car, and you drive it on roads. Therefore, you need training and a license.”

    Caller: “Are you making fun of me?! Are you stupid?! I want to talk to a man!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there are no men working here. There are just two girls here at work.”

    Caller: “This is an outrage! I know the law, and a rental car is not a real car! It’s like a bumper car! You know, like the ones in a theme park! You don’t need a license for that!”

    Me: “Um, what?!”

    Caller: “Yeah! I bet you didn’t know that! It’s okay, you’re a girl. I don’t expect girls to know things like that. I just need a car I can have some fun with. You know, drive around in circles and such.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, sir. But may I suggest [theme park]? They have bumper cars. You can even crash them into things.”

    Caller: “Seriously?”

    Me: “Yup. It’s way cheaper than renting a car.”

    Caller: “Thank you! I just love driving in circles!” *hangs up*

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