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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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    A Case Of Misbehavin’ Identity

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working in a post office inside a mall. I am in a rather secluded part of the store and usually only one or two customers are here at a time. This is my first night alone, and I have just learned this particular transaction about two hours earlier with my manager. The first meeting occurs with my manager there as a witness.)

    Customer #1: “I’d like to do a change of address, please.”

    Me: “Sure. I just need two pieces of photo ID and something showing your old address. It could be your driver’s license or a bill.”

    Customer #1: “I don’t carry ID with me. I don’t want to get mugged. I took the bus here just to do this. Can’t you do it anyway?”

    (Unfortunately, there is no way to do this. If I don’t write the information down on the form, it will be rejected and the customer’s money will not be refunded. I explain this to her several times, and mention TWO pieces of ID repeatedly. I also write this down on a note and hand it to her. She leaves, upset, and tells me she’ll be back later. Work continues as normal, until I see the same customer come back in the store two hours later. This is after my manager has left me alone for the night.)

    Me: “Hi there! So, you brought your ID?”

    Customer #1: *grumbles* “Yes. I can’t BELIEVE you made me bus it home and all the way back here for ONE STUPID CARD.”

    (At this point, I know she’s going to get even angrier. She’s only got one piece of ID, and I still can’t do the transaction.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need two pieces of ID.”

    Customer #1: “Are you f***ing joking?! ALL THE WAY HOME AND YOU STILL WON’T DO IT?!”

    Me: “I asked you for two pieces of ID, ma’am, several times. I even sent a note with you.”

    Customer #1: “YOU EXPECT ME TO READ A NOTE? ARE YOU STUPID? YOU HAVE ONE PIECE! THAT’S ENOUGH! JUST DO THE F***ING FORM!”

    (The customer is fuming, and there are other people in line behind her. I call my manager, who immediately remembers the customer and tells me to “just do the transaction anyways and she can lose her $40 if she wants to”, but by this time the woman is screeching while I’m on the phone.)

    Customer #1: “YOU ARE REFUSING ME SERVICE BECAUSE YOU’RE A RACIST, AREN’T YOU?! YOU F***ING RACIST!”

    (Suddenly, she vaults herself over the counter and grabs the nearest object—thankfully just a roll of kraft paper—and starts whacking me with it. Security happens to be passing by and they tackle the woman to the ground, kraft paper in hand, still screeching about my “racism” and “ignorance”. I go back to helping the customers that have been waiting.)

    Customer #2: “My god, that was the best thing I’ve ever seen! What the h*** did you do to her?!”

    Me: “Long story…I just needed more ID and she didn’t have it. What can I help you with?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, a change of address. But I only have one piece of ID…” *gets a sheepish look on his face* “You just spent the whole time I was in line explaining that you need two pieces of ID for this form, didn’t you?”

    Me: “Oh, um, yes… so, you know that I can’t do it then?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, I just hoped for some hair pulling.” *slinks away*

    Customer #3: *grinning* “I have two pieces of ID, and I just want to mail this.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry you had to witness that, sir. You could use the drop box beside the desk next time. It’s right over there.”

    Customer #3: “Oh, I know. But I’m an officer and I wanted to witness that woman in case things went south.”

    (It turns out he really was an officer! He had the woman charged with assault and petty theft for taking the roll of kraft paper.)

    A Wick-ed Accident

    | Valencia, Spain | Bizarre, Health & Body, Top

    (My friend is a nurse at a local hospital.)

    Patient: “My belly is hurting me.”

    My Friend: “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll sort it out.”

    (My friend proceeds to do a routine examination on the patient. Whenever she touches the patient’s abdomen, he suffers from a lot of pain. They take him to the x-ray room for scans.)

    My Friend: “Sir, it appears you have… um… three candles lodged in your rectum. Do you have any idea how this happened?”

    Patient: “Well… er… I was carrying an armful of candles down some stairs and I tripped and…” *trails off into silence*

    My Friend: “So, you fell on a candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “Then you fell again, on another candle.”

    Patient: “Yes.”

    My Friend: “And then once more, on yet another candle.”

    Patient: “That’s what happened!

    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 2

    | New York, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (Note: My coworker (who is flamboyantly homosexual) and I are the only two people working at the time.)

    Coworker: “Hey ya, how’re you doing today? Is there anything we can help you find?”

    Customer: “Leave me alone.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

    Customer: “I said leave me alone!”

    (While the customer browses, I head to the back to get some categorizing done. I come back at the request of my coworker, only to hear the customer yelling.)

    Customer: “I will NOT be serviced by some f****t! You people are gonna burn in h***, and I don’t want you taking me down with you!”

    Coworker: *on the verge of tears* “Sir, I’m really just trying to—”

    Customer: *points to me* “HIM! Let HIM help me! Ain’t no f****t gonna handle my records! You, there! With the beard! Come help me, please!”

    (Instead of helping the customer, I wrap my arm around my coworker’s shoulder. Note that I’m not gay.)

    Me: “Is my boyfriend unable to help you with your transaction, sir?”

    Customer: *looks horrified and sprints out of the store*

    Related:
    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded)

    Needs To Get Put In Her Place

    | PA, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I work at a hardware store in the lawn and garden area. On request, I go to help an aging couple out with some decorative rocks)

    Husband: “Thank you very much!”

    Wife: “Don’t thank him! That’s what they’re here for.”

    Me: *smiles awkwardly* “How many bags do you need?”

    Wife: “Eight.”

    Me: “Alright, let me get that for you.”

    (I begin loading the cart with the bags; each weighs around 60lbs.)

    Wife: *to her husband* “See? This is why you go to [store name]. They have people who know their place.”

    Me: *finishes loading* “Anything else?”

    Wife: “Yes, take it out to the cashier and then load it into the car.”

    Me: *takes the cart out*

    Wife: *to her husband* “See? Well behaved and responds to direct commands, like they should!”

    Me: *finishes loading their car after check out*

    (The husband looks around shiftily after his wife enters the car, and surprisingly tries to force money into my hand.)

    Husband: “I’m so sorry!”

    This We’ll Defend

    | NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: I’m a female and I’m waiting for my girlfriend to get off work, and the person who was supposed to relieve her is running late, so I’m hanging around. My girlfriend is hair under five feet tall, and maybe 90 pounds. She’s really little and people try and intimidate her a lot because of this.)

    My Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. It should be like half an hour.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (A customer shoulders past me and shoves an item in my girlfriend’s face.)

    Male Customer: “This place f***ing ripped me off!”

    My Girlfriend: “What’s the problem, sir?”

    Male Customer: “Don’t play with me, you stupid b****! I bought this and it won’t work!”

    My Girlfriend: “Sir, may I see the item?”

    Male Customer: *shoves it at her*

    My Girlfriend: “Sir, this didn’t come from our store.”

    Male Customer: “You callin’ me a liar, you stupid b****?!”

    My Girlfriend: “Of course not, but this package has a label that clearly has the name of our competitor on it.”

    Male Customer: “So, I bought it here!”

    My Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, sir, but no, you didn’t.”

    (At this point, another customer, who is a fairly petite woman, is standing behind him. She looks a little concerned. Without warning, the male customer takes a swing at my girlfriend.)

    Male Customer: “You stupid c***! Do your d*** job and give me a f***ing refund!”

    (Thankfully my girlfriend steps out of reach of the customer’s swing. However, the petite woman behind him suddenly surges forward, and in one swift movement twists his arm behind his back and slams his face down on the counter.)

    Petite Woman: *to my girlfriend* “Honey, you may want to call 911.”

    My Girlfriend: *stunned* “O-Okay…”

    Me: *to the male customer* “Jesus Christ, what the h*** is the matter with you, you freaking pyscho?!”

    Male Customer: “Get the f*** off me!”

    (In response, the petite woman wrenches his arm behind him further. The male customer wails.)

    Male Customer: “You can’t do that! You’re just a woman!”

    Petite Woman: “Army Strong, a**hole. If you want to walk away with your arm not broken, I’d stop struggling.”

    (The male customer stops struggling when he realizes that she isn’t going to let go anytime soon. The police show up in less than five minutes. They get everyone’s statements and view the security video. The manager finally meanders out; he’s a man who is useless in every sense of the word. He also doesn’t like my girlfriend because she’s dating me, a girl.)

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: “What is all this about?

    Police Officer: “Sir, this man just attempted to attack your employee.”

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: “Oh.”

    Petite Woman:That’s all you have to say?” *to my girlfriend* “Honey, you want to press charges?”

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: “Oh, that won’t be necessary.”

    (The petite woman whirls on my girlfriend’s manager, and he actually takes a step backwards.)

    Petite Woman: “I wasn’t talking to you. Believe me when I tell you, your boss will be hearing about what little concern you have for your employees!”

    My Girlfriend’s Manager: *slinks off*

    (Meanwhile, the police finish arresting the man and explain to my girlfriend how she can press charges.)

    Me: *to the petite woman* “Excuse me, Miss?”

    Petite Woman: “Yes?”

    Me: “Thank you. You defended my girlfriend. So many people wouldn’t have done anything. Would it be alright if I could have your name?”

    Petite Woman: *smiles* “You’re welcome. You guys look cute together. And my name is Angel.”

    (With that, she leaves without buying anything. Three days later, my girlfriend’s unhelpful manager was fired. An Angel indeed!)

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