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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

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    Seoul Much For That Brilliant Idea

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Love/Romance, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a caucasian female working as a concierge in a hotel in Chicago, but I grew up in Korea. This particular group of guests has been causing havoc their entire stay, stealing items and bothering other patrons in the halls. One night, the television in the lounge has been smashed, so my boss calls the police on them. They are sitting on the sofa while the officer is trying to get their details. Before every answer, the guests converse amongst themselves in Korean.)

    Officer: “Where are you boys from?”

    Guest #1: *in Korean* “Tell him we’re from Japan!”

    Guest #2: “Uh, Japan. Yeah.”

    Me: *in perfect Korean* “You guys better tell him the truth. He’s going to find out anyway.”

    (They are in shock. But before they sputter out an excuse, the policeman says…)

    Officer: *in perfect Korean* “That’s okay. We’ll get it from their passports.”

    (And that was how I met my now fiancé. The guests, by the way, spent the rest of the night at HIS workplace instead of mine.)

    Disco Stu Gets Our Approval

    | USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’m standing next to a music demo display and talking to a coworker. A family walks by with their two little girls in tow. The parents are bickering and are too busy to notice what their girls are doing.)

    Coworker: *to me* “So, after you get done here go ahead and start binning, start with 46 and then—”

    (Suddenly, one of the little girls presses a button on the music demo display, effectively interrupting us with loud music.)

    Coworker: *doesn’t miss a beat and breaks into wild disco moves*

    (The girl and her sister stare with huge grins on their faces. The parents are too busy bickering to notice. When the music stops, my coworker resumes talking to me as if nothing has happened.)

    Coworker: “—and after 46, help with the top of the steel…”

    (I gained a lot of respect for my coworker that night!)

    Related:
    Disco Stu Does Not Approve

    You Just Got Ownered

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Top, Transportation

    (My brothers-in-law own a garage and tow business. A very angry customer calls up one night with problems, so we send one of our tow truck drivers to tow his car.)

    Tow Truck Driver: “So, what happened?”

    Customer: “Just get the car towed and shut the f*** up!”

    Tow Truck Driver: *gets into the car to check it*

    Customer: “What are you doing?! I tried that! It doesn’t work! Just get the car home, you dumb f***!”

    (Our driver obliges the customer and tows his vehicle to his home. As soon as his car is in the driveway, the customer jumps right into his car, tries the key, and starts the car right up.)

    Customer: “Well, I guess I don’t have to pay you, right?”

    Tow Truck Driver: “No, sir, I still towed the car. You will have to pay.”

    Customer: “But the car works! You should have known that!”

    Tow Truck Driver: “Well, I tried to ask and check the car, but you didn’t want me to. You told me to just tow it.”

    Customer: “You should have checked. I’m not paying!”

    (Not wanting a fight, our driver tells the man he’ll have to come down to the shop the next day. The next day, he comes in and finds one of my brothers-in-law at the garage.)

    My Brother-in-law: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m very upset! The druggie who towed my car is trying to rip me off. Who hires such lowlifes? I’m not paying!”

    My Brother-in-law: “Sir, the driver tried to check your car, and you stopped him and told him to just tow it. It’s not his fault.”

    Customer: “This is f***ing ridiculous! I want that f***ing peon fired! He’s using my money for his drug habit, and he should’ve known my car was okay!”

    My Brother-in-law: “Sir, you need to calm down or this conversation is finished.”

    Customer: “Now I’m getting it from YOU! Another f***ing peon working a desk! How dare you?! You little s***s are all getting fired. Where’s your manager?!”

    My Brother-in-law: “Well, you see, sir, he’s the tow manager, so he can’t really fire himself—”

    Customer: “Now you’re being f***ing flip with me?! Where’s your manager?!”

    My Brother-in-law: “—and I’m the owner, so none of that’s gonna happen.”

    Customer: *shuts up, defeated*

    My Brother-in-law: “It just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn’t it?”

    (The customer left… after paying.)

    A Whale Of A Story

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    (My coworker and I have been laughing over a list of dumb laws during a quiet spell at the registers.)

    Me: “Check this out. It’s illegal to hunt whales in Utah.”

    Coworker: “Well, now, that’s not very specific. Is it illegal to hunt FOR them, as in go looking for one, or is it illegal to FIND one and harpoon it? Because, let me tell you, the second one is a lot harder!”

    Me: “Well, if I ever go to Utah, I think I’ll walk up to a cop and ask them where I can go hunting for whales, just to see his reaction.”

    (As we continue joking, a customer overhears us and becomes angry.)

    Customer: “You filthy murderers! How can you think hunting whales is funny?!”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, there is little danger of me actually harming a whale in Utah.”

    Customer: “That’s no excuse! You think you could get away with taunting a police officer by openly admitting you were going to commit a crime?”

    Coworker: “Yes… actually, in this case, we probably could.”

    Customer: “HOW?!”

    Coworker: “Well, since whales live in the ocean and there are no oceans in Utah—”

    Customer: “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid! I’m calling the producers of Whale Wars on you! You’ll be shamed in front of the whole nation!” *storms out*

    You Just Weeded Yourself Out

    | NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a very popular supplement store, and we sell products that are called “detoxes”. There are certain ones that people buy under the impression that they can cheat a urinalysis. If the customer mentions anything about drugs or a urine test, we must refuse the sale.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need one of those detoxes.”

    (I unlock the display and bring it to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “Do these really work? I’m trying to find a job and I smoke a lot of weed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot sell you this product because you told me that. It is against federal law. I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Really? That sucks. Hey, are you guys hiring?”

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