(One of the dogs we are grooming attacks one of the staff. The staff member is taken to surgery to have their bicep muscle reattached. No one is able to enter the salon because the vicious, very large dog is on the loose in the shop. We are standing outside the shop in the main store. We call the dog’s owner, and he arrives two hours later.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you called the police on my dog! He’s a good dog!”

Me: “Sir, when we had to call the ambulance, the police came with them. We didn’t call them specifically.”

Customer: “Yes, you did! You are all racists!”

Me: “Sir, please just get your dog out of my salon. Other customers want their pets, and your dog is holding my shop hostage.”

Customer: “My dog doesn’t bite. He’s a nice dog.”

Me: “Please, just get your dog out of my salon.”

(The customer goes into the salon, grabs the dog, puts the chain on it and comes out. Everyone backs away. The dog is snarling and lunging at other customers. The police are following him to fill out paperwork.)

Customer: “By the way, were you able to cut his nails?”

(A customer places a heavy box on the counter.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, we usually can only do exchanges on opened merchandise.”

Customer: “I don’t want an exchange. I want a refund!”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “I bought this here last week, and the item is missing.”

(I try to pick up the box. It weighs many times more than it should.)

Customer: “It was all full up with bricks and newspaper!”

Me: “That’s terrible. If you give me your receipt I will start processing your refund.”

(The customer digs through her purse for her receipt. Meanwhile, I look through the box and verify that it is filled with bricks and crumpled-up newspaper. I examine her receipt which is, in fact, from last week. Then, I take a closer look at several pages of the newspaper.)

Me: “Ma’am, so you bought this last week, and it was filled with bricks and yesterday’s newspaper?”

Customer: “Uh…I’ll take an exchange, please.”

Me: “Thank you for calling customer care. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “F*** you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?

Customer: “You heard me. F*** you. F*** you and your stupid f***ing g**d**** company. You are all a bunch of pieces of s***, and I hope you rot in h***.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry you feel that way. Now, if you continue to talk like that, I will have to disconnect this call. However, I don’t want to do that. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah. You can give me back my g**d**** money.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Let me look up your account. What’s your first and last name?”

Customer: “My name is ‘Give Me My Money’.”

Me: “Sir, I am trying to process the refund for you. However, without your name, I cannot locate your account. Now, what’s your first and last name?”

Customer: “It’s [name]. You guys are nothing but a bunch of thieves and scammers. Does it feel good that you know that you’re going to h***?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but please do not speak to me in such a way. The next time I will disconnect the call.”

(I check for his name.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was not able to locate your account.”

Customer: “What? That’s f***ing bulls***! You better give me my g**d**** money back right f***ing now, or I swear to God I’m gonna f***ing bomb you and your family!”

Me: “Now, sir, threats like that can be taken to authorities as all these calls are recorded. What system did you use?”

Customer: “I’m not going to tell you that. That’s stupid. You know my name, so you should see what I have purchased.”

Me: “Sir, I apologize I was not able to find your name. However, we have multiple products with multiple prices. If you can give me the product name, I can locate the account’s history and see if there is a transaction under your name.”

Customer: “It’s the [product name].”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have a product with that name.”

Customer: “What the f*** do you mean that you don’t have a product with that name?! I knew it was a f***ing scam! I’m out $700 dollars now. F*** you and your f***ing company! Kiss my a**!”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything priced like that either. What company are you calling?”

Customer: *says company name*

Me: “Sir, that’s not our company. Our company name is [name].”

Customer: “Bulls***!” *pauses* “Oh, whoops. I do have the wrong number. Sorry about that. You have a nice day.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Boy: *hands over ID*

(I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

Boy: “24.”

Me: “What’s your birth date?”

Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

Boy: “How’s it fake?”

(I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

(I’m a customer at a supermarket, but I’m still wearing my work uniform since I’m buying things for my job. My clothing doesn’t look anything like the uniform that the supermarket employees wear. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Love, can you show me where the ice is?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I’m not sure where the ice is. It’s probably down at the freezer section.”

Customer: “Can you take me down there?”

Me: “Sorry, I have to buy this and get back to work. The freezer section is just over there. ”

Customer: “Well, you’re not being very helpful. I’m going to tell your boss about this.”

(She runs off to find a manager. It takes me awhile to realise that she thinks I work here.)

Customer: “There she is! The rude one!”

(The manager looks at me and immediately realizes what has happened.)

Customer: “You should fire her for being so rude to me!”

(The manager shakes his head and beckons me over.)

Manager, to me: *whispers* “Just go with it.”

(I nod and he begins to ‘fire’ me in front of the customer, who looks satisfied. Eventually, someone who does work there gets her her ice and she leaves.)

Manager, to me: “Sorry about that. She does this every time she comes in.”