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    A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Woes

    | NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, School, Top

    (My sister is doing a high school project at a grocery store where she has to interview the store manager. It’s in a shady part of town, so when she leaves her digital camera unattended for a few moments someone steals it. After alerting the security guard, he agrees to ask the customers in the store. The only people in the store at that time are my sister, the manager, my sister’s groupmates, a college student with an iPhone, and a few admittedly shabby-looking customers.)

    Guard: *to the college student* “Excuse me, sir, can I inspect your bag? There’s a reported missing item.”

    College Student: “I don’t have time for this! Those students should have taken better care of their belongings! I refuse to be searched!”

    Guard: “But—”

    College Student: “I’m a college student, for **** sake! Why would I steal a camera?!” *points to a shabby-looking customer*He’d have more reason to steal it! I refuse to waste my time for a bunch of kids who think their irresponsibility to take care of their camera makes them a priority!”

    Guard: “Sir…when did I ever say the missing item was a camera?”

    College Student: “I—”

    Guard: “I’ll need to search your bag now, or if you’re in such a hurry, I can have your ID.”

    (The college student consents and allows the guard to search his bag. Soon enough, the guard finds my sister’s camera.)

    Guard: “Is this yours, ma’am?”

    My Sister: “It is!”

    College Student: “What the f***?! That’s mine! I’ll have it back now and be on my way, please!”

    (The guard ignores the student and turns on the digital camera. The pictures show many pictures of my sister and her groupmates. There are also a few teenage pictures of my sister in that typical provocative teenage pose in front of the mirror while wearing a revealing two-piece. The college student turns paper white.)

    College Student: “Oh, that camera! Yeah, I found it on the table someplace and I was going to return it, but totally forgot and—”

    Guard: “Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?”

    (In the end, my sister got her camera back and the college student was taken away by police. The guard got a raise!)

    In Need Of A Worldly EdUKation

    | Yellowstone, WY, USA | Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m English, and work at Yellowstone Park selling ice cream as a summer work experience abroad. Often, my accent catches people off guard, and I usually have to explain why I’m there. A customer comes up to pay.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be $2.95, please.”

    Customer: “Hey, where’s your accent from? Are you Australian?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m from England. I’m just working her for my summer between University.”

    Customer: “That’s cool! How long have you been in America?”

    Me: “Um, about two months.”

    Customer: “And is this your first time in America?”

    Me: “It is. I’m loving it!”

    Customer: “Wow! You speak really good English for only being here for two months!”

    Who Needs Enemies When You’ve Got Bricks

    | New Hampshire, USA | Money, Top

    (Note: our store sells kitchen supplies, including a very popular brand of glass cookware made in USA. Usually the covers are sold separately from the actual cooking dishes, but we are having a special on display where you get a set of two dishes and their covers for 20 dollars. Not long after we open up for the day, two elderly customers walk in and look at the display.)

    Customer: “Where is this made?”

    Me: “In the United States, ma’am.”

    Customer: “$3.99, huh? I’ll take this set. Can you carry it to the register for me?”

    Me: “Actually, that set is $20. If you still want it, I would be happy to carry it to he register for you.”

    Customer: “No! The sticker says it’s $3.99!”

    Me: “That’s how much the lid costs on its own. If you turn the dish over, you will see it also has its own tag, as does the smaller dish nested inside it.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. How am I supposed to now how much this set costs?!”

    (There is a bright red sign that says the price of the set sitting on the table. It’s literally right in front of her face)

    Me: “It’s on the sign right there, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t look at signs! I look at the product! This is false advertising! It’s fraud! You are a liar!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not—”

    Customer: “My friend bought this set for $3.99 yesterday. You don’t know that you’re talking about!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this set has never been, nor will it ever be $3.99. If your friend did receive it for $3.99, she was grossly undercharged by one of my coworkers.”

    Customer: “If it doesn’t cost $3.99, then the sticker shouldn’t be on there. You should take all the stickers off! No one looks at the stupid signs. They look at the product!”

    (The customer storms out of the store, almost knocking over a display of plastic floral dishes. I can see her outside the store windows ranting to a a group of younger people that I assume are her grandchildren. Meanwhile, her friend is still in the store. She picks up a mixing bowl set and brings it to the register.)

    Customer’s Friend: *smiling* “Don’t mind her, dear. She’s always been as dumb as a f***ing brick.”

    (I was speechless and she left the store before I could respond. She’s my new hero!)

    There’s No Amounting For Taste

    | Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work in an ice cream shop. Our chocolate shakes are made with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, rather than chocolate ice cream.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Can I get a large chocolate shake?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Make sure it’s not too heavy on the chocolate!”

    (I make the shake, using about half the usual amount of chocolate sauce, and hand it to the woman.)

    Customer: *doesn’t even taste the shake* “No, no, this is way too much chocolate! I needed EASY chocolate.”

    (I remake the shake, using only about a quarter of the usual amount. Again, I hand it to the customer, who glances at it without tasting it.)

    Customer: *condescendingly* “Are you even listening to me? I’m a diabetic. I can not have too much sugar! Is that really too much to ask?”

    (I make the shake a third time, this time adding no chocolate sauce whatsoever. I hand her the shake.)

    Customer: *tastes her chocolateless chocolate shake* “THERE, that’s perfect. Was that really so hard?!”

    This Apple Falls Far From The IP

    | Manchester, UK | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    (I have been trying to help a caller connect her new router up to accept all the wireless devices in her house, as she’s recently changed her internet supplier to us. It’s been almost 40 minutes and not going well, until this happens.)

    Caller: “Well, you’re obviously not getting this! I’ll let my son explain because he’s been working on this for hours.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, no problem.”

    (The caller’s son gets on the phone.)

    Caller’s Son: “Right…what’s happening is that my DS isn’t connecting due to our wireless having too high security, so I’ve been trying to drop it from whatever WPA it’s on down to WEP. However, to do this I need to log into the router settings using my IP address. I used the static IP address, but to actually log in I need a username and password. I checked on the internet and it says to use admin and password, but whenever I tried it just cleared both fields.”

    Me: *slightly stunned* “Uh, well, what you could try is the router password that’s specific to you. It should be on the help sheet that came with the router itself.”

    (Around twenty seconds later…)

    Caller’s Son: “Ah, thanks very much. Cheers!

    Me: “No problem. If you have any other queries, feel free to call us again.”

    Caller’s Son: *hangs up*

    Me: *to coworker* “I f***ing love tech savvy kids.”


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